to say no to porn

[FrameyMcFrame]

I have unilaterally banned porn of all kinds in our house. I don't like it and I don't ever want to discover any.
I'm sure this has been done to death on mumsnet but I would like to know if I am being unreasonable. Please tell me!

[monkeyfacegrace]

The thread isnt about porn' rights and wrongs, its about banning it from a house.
I think for gods sake, if you are married sureley you should be able to talk to your partner? My OH and me have no secrets, we know everything about each other, and both watch porn occasionally. I wouldn't care if he was watching it day in day out as long as it didnt interfere with our relationship. I think its only a problem if you haven't got communication in your relationship, which is a bigger problem to worry about.

[Beachcomber]

Mrsjammi actually I think it is more of a pink and fluffy view to think that the porn industry is not about exploitation/rape/objectifying/pimping/violence/prostitution/human trafficking and so on and that it is OK because it has been around for a while.

If I had teenagers I would explain to them that the reason I am against porn is not because it is sexual and I am a prude but because it is violent and I am politically against violence of a sexual nature inflicted on other human beings.

I'm not saying that would stop them from looking at porn, but like anything my children do, I would attempt to guide them according to my values and principles.

[Beachcomber]

Monkeyface I guessing that the OP is banning porn because she thinks it is wrong.

I kinda agree that banning another adult from doing something which isn't actually illegal is not ideal. I'm lucky that my DH has pretty similar views to me about porn.

However much of what happens within the porn industry is illegal and violent and I think it is fair enough for a women to state that she doesn't want any part of it in her own home.

Tricky one. Personally I would go down the route of finding some well written stuff which examines the political and human aspect of porn and discussing it with my partner.

Possibly something like Dittany's link which I'm off to read now.

[mathanxiety]

There's nothing wrong with a blanket ban. On anything. Your house, your rules. And if you want to make a point about how much you dislike or are repulsed by something, a ban is a great way to communicate your feelings, whether it's a ban on chewing gum or sweatshop-made clothing or porn. As to how the other people in the house choose to respond to the ban, that's up to them. But the idea that everyone has to be 'reasonable' or 'open-minded' on any issue is silly. The truth is not always somewhere in the middle.

[Beachcomber]

Mrsjammi I agree with smallwhitecat in terms of your question about banning porn.

I wouldn't 'ban' my teenagers from watching it because I would be incapable of enforcing such a rule.

I would still make my views clear though just as you have done and probably in a very similar way from the sounds of your above post.

[Malificence]

At least we haven't yet had the inane blanket statement that "all" men use porn.
Why is it that any woman who states that her husband doesn't like or use porn is usually branded a deluded fool?

Given that you can set up a "net nanny" or such on computers, it should be quite easy to stop say, teens, accessing porn?
I'm so glad that my husband has similar opinions to me about it, that is mild bewilderment at just why it's considered any kind of a turn on, the men and women involved seem to be universally hideous.

Before anyone hints that my husband isn't a normal male, I should tell you that his eyes lit up when I mentioned a picture of Kathryn Jenkins in a pvc dress this morning, he loves women, he just has no urge to search for porno pictures of her or anyone else.

If the OP has strong opinions against porn then it is totally reasonable for her nopt to want it in her house.

[Beachcomber]

Excellent link Dittany, thank you.

Mrsjammi I think we probably essentially agree with each other.

For me smoking is a bit different for me as it is more of a personal issue, although of course it does affect others.

[GetOrfMoiLand]

That is a very good link, I remember seeing it a couple of years ago (think Elizabetth posted it).

I would be horrified if DP watched porn, to say the least. Am also glad that there isn't the standard 'all men use porn, those who think youyr DPs aren't are completely deluded, get with it' post.

I always agree with Dittany on these threads.

[evaangel2]

Dh has his private stash(we both know about it)I have no problem with that
YABU for banning porn where another adult is concerned

[MorrisZapp]

I haven't banned it but DP understands that if I found any in the house I'd be pretty displeased.

I think it's perfectly OK to say to teenage boys 'no porn under my roof'. If I'm paying the mortgage and buying the food then follow my rules until you're old enough to leave home and make your own rules.

If people hate something either for emotional or political reasons, they have every right to ban it from the house - their adult partner can argue and defend their rights etc, but kids will have to wear it.

I don't know how many threads I've seen in which plastic toys/ character t-shirts/ processed cheese/ bratz toys etc etc have been banned from people's houses. Yes, you are an adult, yes you can choose what shite is and isn't allowed to come into your own home.

[Jujubean77]

as always on this subject Dittany has it bang on. Most porn is vile - what happens to Women in porn films is always usually degrading and disgusting and quite a turn off actually.
As for DH, years ago we bought a quite "tame" DVD to have a bit of fun with. It was quite sick - Women being slapped in the face/ choked really rough sex etc. he turned to me after 10 mins and said he was actually finding it quite disturbing and could I just turn it off. We don't go there anymore.

[bamboobutton]

totally agree with dittany on this.

we tried using using porn to try and get my sex drive back after i had ds. all it did was make me feel dirty and probably set me back even further, ds is 20mo and i still have no sex drive.

dh uses porn as i'm horny once in a blue moon and although i find porn disgusting and degrading to women i don't feel i can say anything about it, what else is he to do? at least he's not cheating.

[mosschops30]

I agree with monkey, and disagree with most of you!

Me and dh have porn films in the house, and sex toys, they are well hidden and only watched if kids are away obviously.
We do watch them together, and I know dh has sometimes watched them if Ive beem away and he fancies a bit of fun on his own, and fairplay to him. I have a book of erotic stories which I quite like too
I sometimes wish dh would be more 'normal' and have some mags under the mattress but I dont think he does.

Neither of us would ever look at porn on t'internet, too risky of kids looking at it, going through history etc.

Like monkey said I would be far more concerned about having a 'ban' on such things rather than communicating about it. Thats where the problems start IMHO

[GetOrfMoiLand]

I never believe all those stories about how empowering it is for female porn workers, they enjoy it and genuinely orgasm etc etc, and love their work and made a reasoned choice to do it.

I agree that there must be a high degree of coercion, force, threat, lack of other opportunity, previous abuse etc.