to say no to porn

[FrameyMcFrame]

I have unilaterally banned porn of all kinds in our house. I don't like it and I don't ever want to discover any.
I'm sure this has been done to death on mumsnet but I would like to know if I am being unreasonable. Please tell me!

[FluffySaysTheDailyMailsShite]

Well, you could say the same for men being exploited aswell though dittany.

[mmrred]

Porn hounds? And that makes those of us without a disco stick what, porn bitches? How rude!

[mmrred]

And yet you know so much about it...

[GetOrfMoiLand]

Snmallwhitecat said exactly what I wanted to say, but articulated it far better.

Fair enough, I think that if you were actually watching people who were enjoying& what they were doing I would certainly see the appeal from a titilation point of view, however the fact that 99.99% of porn is ridiculous faking at best, to violent, misogynistic and sadistic at worst is a reason why I would not want DP to watch it by any means.

[dizietsma]

I tried to be cool with it, and have been known to look at porn myself occasionally, but inevitably ended up feeling inadequate and reading far too much into DH's choice of porn and how it reflected on me and our sex life.

As a result, I told DH I don't care what he looks at (providing as it's legal, obviously!) as long as I don't have to know about it. I don't want to feel like I'm a paranoid censoring hypocritical prude, so this is the solution which has been working for us for some time now. Kind of a "don't ask, don't tell" policy!

[Beachcomber]

I agree with Dittany and Getorfmoiland.

People can delude themselves that there is no harm in porn but the fact is that the majority of it is just filmed prostitution as Dittany has pointed out.

Have you tried to really explain to your DH why you are against it?

My DH was never a porn user but he didn't see the harm in it either. We have discussed both porn and prostitution a fair bit and he very much understands my point of view now.

[megapixels]

"if you have boys, at some point they WILL look at porn whether you want them to or not, and by banning it totally, you deny them the opportunity to discuss issues with you and drive them to secrecy "

What? So people use porn and leave it lying around for the kids to see and have discussions about it??! LOL and I'd probably drop dead with embarrasment if I had teenage boys and they thought there was no need to keep porn secret from their mother.

YANBU OP. I haven't banned it because nobody uses/looks at it here. If it were the case I'd have no qualms in showing my displeasure about it.

[SimonHowl]

ususal agreeing with Dittany thing

[mathanxiety]

Agree with Dittany wholeheartedly. And thank you for the link.

Relationships are about compromises sometimes, and about trust. If there are trust issues, and porn is part of the problem, the other person needs to understand this.

[Beachcomber]

Mrsjammi I don't have boys but if did I would hate to think that they were getting their sexual education via pornography.

Sure young men (and women) will be curious and some will be attracted to porn due to this curiosity.

I remember my first contact with porn and personally I was pretty shocked by images of double penetration/women having their faces ejaculated on/huge false tits/women trying not to choke as they gave deep throat/general violence and humiliation/a lack of any sense of warmth, love, respect.

Youngsters may naively watch porn but adults surely are in the position to see how it objectifies women particularly modern porn with its emphasis on hairlessness/fake tits/anal.

Fact is that many many workers in the porn industry are being exploited in exactly the same way as many prostitutes. When you watch porn you have no way of knowing if the participates have 'chosen' their career or if they have been picked up off the street and are being pimped.

[Beachcomber]

BTW when my children are older I have no doubt that we will discuss pornography at some point whether they watch it or not.

I have two girls and expect to have many interesting discussions with them about equality/sexuality/relationships/women's rights and politics.

I would be surprised if porn didn't turn up at some point in these types of discussions.

They will watch what they like when they are older but I would like to think that they will watch things with their critical thinking heads on and not just a passive consumer attitude.