Opinions please.

[dontknowwhat2do]

Little bit of background...

Im a childminder with a 21 month old and a 9 week old baby. I've been back working since he was 2 weeks as we just bought our first house and need the income.

DH cleaned the kitchen today - he usually does on a Sunday and moaned about how horrible it was. (One days worth of dishes needing to go in dishwasher and floor/sides need sweeping) I love having a clean kitchen but it gets me down that it is always me who does all of the housework.

Anyway, he complained to me about the kitchen and so I asked him when the last time he cleaned the kitchen was - last sunday! I said I was fed up of doing all of the work and felt that he should be helping share the load.

His response? "You are at home all day - you should do it all. How do you think I feel going to work all day and coming back to a state? Looking after the children isnt even a job"

GRRRR!!!

Am currently still fuming and not instigating any conversation as all I want to do is shake him!

BTW, house is NOT a state - just toys everywhere with the 5 children around and general daily kitchen stuff.

So, AIBU to be annoyed with him? And what can I say to get him to help me!

yanbu, i'd better not comment any further as it won't help

YA SOOOO NBA!!!!

I would have lumped him one! on your behalf. Even with your two alone I would expect him to not expect domestic perfection. let alone the fact that you are looking after others and being paid for it.

Your job is to look after the children on behalf of paying customers - not to be doing the housework. (though obviously certain standards have to be met as part of this I guess)

I'm surprised you didn't kick him in the nuts TBH.

Of course YANBU.

Shame you can't job swap for the day

Sounds like someone needs more quality time alone with his kids. He can't object as it "isn't even a job", can he? You can monitor how much housework he gets done with the kids on his hands while you're out enjoying yourself.

I realise you're not allowed to leave the kids you childmind with him but maybe invite some of your own kids' friends round, just to make up the numbers?

I knew I hadnt suddenly turned into an unreasonable harridan!

He just cant seem to get that when I am working - my job is to entertain and inspire the chilren I look after, not dump them in front of the TV like he does with our DD when he cleans on his one day a week.

Although to be fair, I dont mind DD watching cbeebies on a sunday as she doesnt really watch any tv at all during the week as we are far too busy doing interesting things.

YANBU.

The only way he will appreciate what your job entails is to leave him to look after the children for several days. Even then, I'm not sure, with this one .......

Am quite tempted to bugger off out next weekend having sabotaged the TV so that he HAS to play with her!

Well, the first thing is I would be out of there letting him manage the kids alone for a day. Then let him talk to you about you having nothing to do.

Yes, I think you should, and ensure that he does not go round to his or your parents, or have them come to him, so it's a fair experiment.

And make it a regular thing as well, not just a one-off, if you can. A 9 week old and a 21 month old ... Mine are 2.5 years apart, and that was bloody hard enough.

I am feeling angry on your behalf.

Wow surprised he is still conscious, i suggest leaving him with the children for several hours over at least 1 meal and then asking why x,y,z hasn't been done while you were out as you do it day in / day out!

Hang on, just to clarify .. are the children yours ?

I read that you have 2 DCs and childmind as well

Ooh, a day off. I can't remember the last time I had one of those! Unfortunately wont be for a while though as 9 week ds is exclusively bf and not that keen on bottles.

But I can plan... spa day anyone?

Oh yes, 2 DC's, an OFSTED variation so I can have 4 under 5's and one 4 year old after schoolie so 4 kids from 7.30 am and 5 kids here from 3pm till 6pm!

< takes hat off to don'tknow >

I'm sorry, but your DH is a twerp

my husband used to say that until i went to visit my sister for 4 days and left him alone. Strangely he doesnt say it any more (2 years and counting)

YANBU
YANBU

Just needed to make sure I made that clear enough.
Christ! I think you deserve a medal. I would have gone spare if DH said that to me.

YANBU!

I'd have stabbed him.

I work from home and had similar comments from DH - I suddenly became very ill and took to my bed for 3 days - Migraine can be so unpredicatable!

tell him if he doesn't consider what you do 'work'

you will give up your pretend job

sharpy

Agree with custy, threaten to give up so you have time to prettify the house, watch him change his tune quickly.

YANBU.

Your job is beyond a job. You have no lunch hour or even a guaranteed cup of coffee and its bloody intense. Plus you have the responsibility of looking after someonelse's DC.

I agree with Hellmouth - if your DH won't give it any recognition then I think you may as well give up your pretend job.