It's that time of year again and the age old argument has started already over ...

[sillysalley]

Where we spend Xmas day ...

Ever since I have been together with DH, we have always spent Xmas day with his parents.(12 years) Main reason being, DH is an only child, Im one of four, therefore my mum always has someone over for Xmas

But this year, I really really really want to spend it with my mum. Plus my mum has said it would be nice to have me there for a change. I just feel so much more comfortable at my mums plus DS can play with his cousins who he loves to bits. I just want a big family get together. All my other siblings and their children will be there and I dont want to miss out IYKWIM.

My suggestions is for MIL and PIL, to come to our house in the morning to see DS opening his presents etc. Then for us to spend the rest of the day with my family. PIL's have extended family so there is an option for them to have them over so it wont just be the two of them.

AIBU, to spend most of Xmas day with my family?

DH and PIL's seem to think I AIBU due to DH being an only child.

YANBU - 12 years on the trot, really your ILs don't have a leg to stand on. I was posting on AIBU on a similar theme (didn't want to spend 11th year in row with ILs) recently. Me and DH decided to go for it and tell the ILs xmas was at ours this year and there has been no fall out yet, only an ominous silence .

I would say tell your ILs you will visit them on xmas morning but will then be going onto your DMs "because she has never had a xmas day with the DGC " But tell them soon or they can bring out the "already reserved huge turkey" type argument.

Good luck with getting xmas with your family this year.

Message withdrawn

Before DS was born, I had Xmas lunch with my mum, DP with his, then he came to my mums for tea and we went home in the evening.
Last year we had Xmas lunch at home 9just the 3 of us) and invited PILs and my parents over for tea, which is probab;y what will happen this year.
My alternative for this year is to have lunch with PILs and tea with my mum, as my mum said she won't be offended if we go to PILs. Not sure of MIL's take on this as I havent asked, but as DP never spends more than a couple of hours there at XMas anyway, lunch there and tea at my mums should be fine.
YANBU, but I can see why they think you are; maybe have a compromise where you have a meal with both, and gently remind them that you havent spent Xmas with your mum for 12 years, and she'd like you to this year.
Good luck!

yanbu. Just because he's an only child doesn't mean you should spend every single christmas away from yours.

Your suggestion sounds perfectly pleasant and reasonable. However, many people are not reasonable at all at Chrsitms

This sort of thing is a good reason to Cancel Christmas. Half the country is seething because it is spending time in places it doesn't want to be eating food it doesn't like, having spent too much money on things other people don't need or want. AND it starts in September. I have a jealous XP and MiL to contend with as well as my own family who think any minute spent apart from then as soon as there is a nip in the air is unChristmassy. So I feel your pain. But really after 12 years I think you might have Christmas day at your mum's this year.

Reasonable? Christmas? not in this house.

YANBU and have been very reasonable in not having Christmas with your family for the past 12 yrs.

Have the same sort of thing, DH an only child and his parents are quite elderly. We have spent the last few Christmas' with both sets of parents at either my parents or my sisters house. I have been lucky that my family have included them as it saves on the guilt of leaving them alone.

This year though, my family dont really want to entertain them as they are really hard work and it has now become expected. We are going to ILs for lunch, then onto my family in the pm. Fortunate they live about an hour away from each other so we can do this. All the rest of my family will be together at my parents.

BUT I will be 39 wks preg, and we are the ones who have to travel. I feel as though we can never have a Christmas with just my family as I would feel awful leaving ILs alone and I think they would make us feel quite awful for doing it.

MIL started discussing Christmas arrangements in June this year. A record I think.