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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to hate it when ex- mil texts me to ask how "her baby" is?

38 replies

friendlyfox · 21/10/2009 20:53

she;s MY baby, my first, only 16 weeks and her son and i aren't even tog anymore! shall i ask him to tell her to rephrase?

OP posts:
AMumInScotland · 21/10/2009 21:03

How about "assuming" she means ExP? After all he is her baby...

Or else just don't reply, and get him to tell her she can't expect any response until she refers to your baby properly.

Oh, and YANBU. Totally reasonable!

shockers · 21/10/2009 21:04

Is she trying to show you that she loves your son and you can count on her support as a Grandparent even though you and her son aren't together anymore?

shockers · 21/10/2009 21:05

So sorry... your daughter!

thisisyesterday · 21/10/2009 21:06

agree with shockers. my mum refers to all 3 of mine as her babies, or as her boys.
it's just a turn of phrase and it sounds like she loves him very much and wants to be a part of his life.

HuwEdwards · 21/10/2009 21:08

Ahhh! she's probably just trying to reassure you that she feels part of his family. My MIL is paranoid that her son and I will split and she'll never see DCs again - that might be her fear.

SixtyFootDoll · 21/10/2009 21:08

YABU
She quite clearly wants to be a part of your DD's life
Just a turn of phrase - give her a break

lisbey · 21/10/2009 21:08

Would you be upset if your Mum did it? I find that's a good test as to whether I'm reacting to MIL's actions or to her personally

unfitmother · 21/10/2009 21:10

That's nice - YABU

preciouslillywhite · 21/10/2009 21:11

I do think grannies get a bit of a bum rap on here

is she nice to you?

if so- that is, unless she's a toxic old cow- I'd have to say YABU

HuwEdwards · 21/10/2009 21:12

Blimey made the same mistake as Shocker!! I mean part of your daughter's family

MacaroonIncident · 21/10/2009 21:12

ah thats rather sweet

TrillianSlasher · 21/10/2009 21:12

YANBU to hate it. But you should try to think that she means something nice by it, as mentioned above.

TrillianSlasher · 21/10/2009 21:13

Sweet? It's massively annoying.

ninagleams · 21/10/2009 21:17

It's annoying and sweet. Annoying because she seems to be cooing at an adult, sweet because at least she's cooing!

mamalovesmojitos · 21/10/2009 21:18

YANBU

juneybean · 21/10/2009 21:23

lol i'd just reply saying "he's fine thanks, down at the pub" or something equally flippant.

AMumInScotland · 21/10/2009 21:32

Is it maybe a cultural thing? Those who think it's fine and "family-ish" - do your families tend to refer to lots of people as "My Kevin", "Our Arthur" etc? Because I'd totally have hated it if my Mum or MIL had referred to DS as "their" baby, but then I'm not accustomed to people being referred to that way. Just a thought.

thisisyesterday · 21/10/2009 21:36

lol no, no-one says "my kevin" or anything like that.
i'm from daaahn saaaf dont'cha know!

beaniesinthepumpkinagain · 21/10/2009 22:32

YANBU

id hate that!

poshsinglemum · 21/10/2009 22:43

YANBU BUT at least she is interested.

choosyfloosy · 21/10/2009 22:46

YANBU to be annoyed at practically anything at 16 weeks in.

YABU to say anything about it. Bite the cork on this one. It's fab that she's in touch and in love with her GC - in fact, can you build on this and start talking to her referring to the baby as 'your grandbaby?' She might pick it up.

VicarInaBooTu · 21/10/2009 22:47

jeez id give my back teeth for a granny to be that bloody interested. id have to say YABU from my own perspective. i think whats not reasonable is when they just dont give a shit. i could tell you all about that.

fernie3 · 22/10/2009 09:46

I think perhaps she is just trying to show she is interested and loves your baby and wants to be part of her life etc even though you and your baby's father are not together. I would ignore it and be glad for her support. My MIL says "my baby" - and it never bothered me because I have been glad she thinks so much of my little ones!

upahill · 22/10/2009 09:52

I agree with sixtyfootdoll. If it was meant well take it that way. I think it's only an phrase. Don't get hung up on it. You're going to have bigger battles in your life without adding to them.

IsItMeOr · 22/10/2009 09:53

I can totally understand why that would grate, but agree with others that you should try to see the positives.

I suspect that given your break up with her ds she is desperately worried that she will lose/not have the relationship with your dd. This happens a lot, and she will be terrified.

I like choosyfloosy's idea of referring to the baby as "your grandbaby", if you can stomach it.

Fwiw, at 32 weeks in, ds has been sleeping terribly again for the past 2 and a half months, and I was very grateful indeed for MIL being prepared to just listen to me moan for most of a day on Monday. If you can see her being a help to you, just try to find a way of making it work for both of you. I promise you will be very glad you did at some point.

Congratulations on your dd by the way!

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