To think everyone bickers?

[Stigaloid]

My DH and i bicker like there is no tomorrow. We love each other dearly and our relationship is very strong, but we are also both strong characters, both believe we are in charge and both like to think we are right a lot of the time. We do compromise when need be but in general we bicker.

Are we the only ones? Dh says we icker too much in front of our DS but truth be told, i ask DH to do something, he either doesn't do it, ignores what i says at the time or tells me he will do it but not the way i ask, the way he thinks it should be done etc etc (He can never simply just do as i ask - it always has to be done his way - grrr!) I think we bicker a lot in front of DS too but i am also tired of asking him to do something and never having the answer be 'ok, sure'. IMO he is teaching our DS that when mum asks you to do something you can always answer back (but that is another story)

Please tell me i am not the only one who feels this way.

I am also 32 weeks pregnant, hormonal and blooming tired all the time, so appreciate i am not at my best, but it seems we have always bickered and being parents has just meant one long sleep deprived journey over the last few years anyway.

Do you bicker with your OH?

(sorry it is long)

dp and i pretend to bicker - is that as bad? we're not irritated or trying to wind each other up, we're just sort of imitating children bickering. It is really stupid and doesn't really make sense, and we would never do it in front of other people - they'd think we were freaks

Well, we just tend to agree about most things.

Things we don´t agree about certainly aren´t worth arguing over.

Our hardest decisions have been choosing sofas!!

I think if you can do Ikea, and then put the furniture up without bickering, then it just isn't in you

Oh we manage that, BiteofFun, I choose-then send husband to buy & leave him to construct!

Rofl at Ikea test. In fact DP and I had our first row at Ikea.

We never put up flatpack together. If you are defeated, it's the other person's turn - attempts at teamwork are futile.

We bitch at each other a bit, often in front of DS. I don't think it does him any harm to see that we are quite different people with different opinions on things and that we irritate each other and then get over it.

If one of us pisses the other off in front of extended family or friends, there is the look and then we bitch in the car/when we get home.

Haven't had a proper door slamming, yelling, throwing things fight for years.

I think I almost kind of miss them, mostly because I was always careful to storm off into the bedroom or lounge room or get my keys and go out while DH would choose the kitchen - not very comfortable see? But good for snacks.

I rarely bicker with my DH but that's because I hate bickering and so does he. My mother is a bickery type in her relationships and has been happy that way though and his parents had a long happy bickery marriage, so whatever floats your boat, IMO. Although I think both DH's and my hatred of bickering stems from being driven crazy by our parents as children.

See I bottle it up with my family and I hate it, but there's too much history to start saying what I think. Maybe that's why a good honest bicker with DP feels right and healthy.

I'm the same as Diddl and Pagwatch in earlier posts. In fact Pagwatch could have wrote my post especially the bit about the row. Similar thing happened quite a few years ago but we were play bickering. DS burst into tears!! We were stunned.

I am not saintly. I am a bit of a grumpy old cow at times especially when I'm working late like I will be tonight but DH always turns things round and makes me laugh at my grumpiness.

not really, we are more inclined towards silently orbiting each other whilst we work through our own issues and then having a small spat or a jokey 'reveal'.

Me and DW are together 24/7 and we bicker a little bit but only in fun. Rarely argue even though both very strong characters. We have rules and boundaries we don't cross.

Being very tired when DSs were very young led to a fair few arguements but very rare now. DSs tell us off very firmly if it goes too far.

Oh my God Stigaloid - you are me (except for the pregnancy!) We bicker all the time for all the reasons you have outlined. The funny thing is in a crisis we are totally united - no bickering just really drawing strength from each other. Personally I would rather have bickering than silent resentment - I always say we may bicker, but we never fall out and we never go to bed on an argument.

dh and I have our moments but we sort it out as adults. I'm not being smug, but daft name calling gets no-one anywhere. I have a friend who constantly picks at her husband and vice versa in front of anyone who's listening, and if you ask them they will profess undying love for each other. I believe they love each other hugely, but for me it's intensely stressful to listen to the constant disharmony. Their 3 boys are the same, always yelling at each other and their parents and they think that's normal life. It's not, it's horrible.

We're in the pag, diddl etc camp too, but we weren't always. We've never had constant bickering or frequent rows, but I used to get a lot more irked and snappy in the past, and it's been a conscious decision to work at it for me, till we've reached the point where we really never do it now.

I start from the premise that I love and respect him. He's not stupid, or a bad person, so if he says something that I disagree with, or does something differently I assume that he must have a point, and he does the same wrt me.

Or that he's tired or worried about something, in which case I'd like to help. The worst thing for me, what I was a bit prone to in the past was either;

Assuming that things he did 'meant' something else, that he didn't care about me/ respect me etc. Actually he does.

or that I had to be cross/ unhappy to get what I wanted. in fact it was just a barrier to communication.

I just realised one day that no-one looks back on their life and thinks 'I wish I'd spent more time being angry with people I love'!

But I also don't think it's nec bad for other people to have diff styles; if you're both ok and it works for you to grumble or have big fight/ big make up sex, it doesn't really matter about anyone else. I don't feel smug, and I hope this doesn't sound condescending, I just prefer it this way.

We do bicker and then it usually degenerates into childish name-calling (poopy nose is a favourite) which makes us crack up laughing and make friends again. We're very mature We have had a few blazing rows but they are very rare.

I used to think we were the odd couple, because we often bicker or argue (and when I'm mad I don't care who sees or hears it to be honest)....and others would be all lovey dovey etc.....

well we're the ones that are actually still together 20 years later...so it can't all be bad

No silent resentment here.....