to concider a nursery/school 60 minutes away from home?

[me4sunny]

and how far away would you look for a school? I am a full time working mum and my nanny doesn't drive (and doesn't want to learn to drive either) would you concider a school/nursery that is 40 -60 minutes away by public transport or is it unreasonable?

titchy
the 1.5 hours are not bad because of 1.5 hours but because it means I have to leave home by 7 and won't be home before 8 so for five days in a week my children won't see me - so it was not about the "how hard it is to commute" but it was about the "what's the point if you remove yourself as a mother completely out of the life of your children for 70% of the week

my parents allowed me to change school when i was 13 - i had to sit in exams and convince the principle to take me (official admission was already over) my parents didn't do a thing, just encouraged me to keep on tha ball if it is important to me ...
I also made a decision about which school to go when I was ... 11 (!) we came back from 5 years living abroad and i started attending our local "around the corner" school, a week later I've came home in the middle of the day (an in the middle of the term) saying "i don't want to go there anymore - we are reading tales in our math class" - so my parents had to find a school that would've agreed to take me (and again I had to go through an interview and knowledge test) ... Point i am trying to make - at 11 you know what you want if only you are raised in a way that way ...

me4sunny, the scenario you want to be looking at is when you and nanny have both been up all night with a tummy bug and dd still has to go to school because she is not ill and it is a parent's responsibility to get her child to work

or when dd has slept badly and is tearful and in a bad mood, and the journey just seems overwhelming

or when they ring up from the school and tell nanny that dd has suddenly developed a temperature and chucked up over the dinner lady and could she come and take her home straightaway

once children go to school and pick up all the bugs around (and spread them around the family), these scenarios are going to be more common than you think

Ok I see what you mean. But OK look at this scenario. You have a 2nd child who starts nursery. Nanny, dc1 and dc2 travel an hour to school/nursery (all travel for an hour). Nanny travels home (nanny has travelled two hours). As soon as nanny has got home she leaves again to pick up dc2 from nursery (nanny has travelled 3 hours). Nanny and dc2 return home (nanny has travelled for 4 hours and dc2 for two hours). Nanny and dc2 bolt some lunch down, then leave for school to pick up dc1 (nanny has travelled for 5 hours and dc2 for 3 hours). All three come home. Nanny has now travelled for 6 hours. 2 or 3 year old dc2 has travelled for 4 hours. 5 year old dc1 has travelled for 2 hours. And all the positive from the sort of educational environment have been completely wiped as all of them are shattered.

another thing to remember is that your child is not you

I too grew up in a very different culture, school at 7, no real tests until secondary, continuous assessment (so we didn't have to sit a real exam until we got to university), no school uniform and a very laidback attitude towards adult-child relations

when dd started school I was very worried about how she would cope with this alien system

what I failed to take into account was that it was alien to me, because I had different expectations, but that those expectations didn't really touch dd

other things (which I hadn't thought of) turned out to be immensely important to her, such as being able to pop round a friend's house after school, or attend other children's birthday parties, and being able to get home quickly at the end of the day when she was knackered, and having time to relax, and then do a trip to the park

I had totally overestimated her feeling of alienation, but otoh I had totally underestimated how tired she would get at the end of the day

I wouldn't rule it out completely, but only if you could persuade your nanny to learn to drive.

We live in a city, and there are lots of good schools around us, but we chose to send our dc to a school which has a philosophy similar to Montessori. It was a big decision as I am effectively now a taxi driver, but it was the right choice for us. There are days when it is a real pain, yesterday I took the 3 dc to school, left home at 8.20 traffic was bad due to rain, not home until 10, 11.30 got a call from schoolthat ds1 was sick, went for him home at 12.30, then had to leave home again at 2 to collect ds2 and dd. Home at 3.15, exhausted. BUT, I don't moan about it because I knew it would be like that.

The children at our school come form a big catchment area, very few children live within walking distance, so playdates are scattered all over the place.

My guess that your Montessori would be similar, people choose schools like that because of their philosophy rather that the fact that they are local and convenient.

So, I would really work hard on getting your nanny to learn to drive and send your dc to the school you really want.

Always bearing in mind that you may not want a brand-new driver driving your dcs around.

insane

Do you know the early years curriculum for nurseries now is pretty much the same as montessori, so whatever nursery you send your precious child to will offer similar outlooks and attitudes to play and learning.

I say ditch the nanny and just employ a montessori nanny instead. Then you won't even need a nursery.

after reading titchy's post, I say you're better off hiring a driver and ditching the nanny all together.

Had thought about a chauffeur as well!

sunny - how does the nanny feel about all the travelling given her commute?

have you looked at the local schools?

We did hire a chauffeur for a while actually - that worked quite well.

A friend of mine can't be bothered with the school run, so she has an ex-policeman, now taxi driver do it for her. Her dc are 7 and 9 though.

I'm going to contradict nearly everyone. My DD went to a nursery and now school very near where I work, and has an hour plus commute, on public transport, in London, every day. She has had this since she was 3 months old. When tiny, she slept. When bigger, we read to her, or she had a small game. Now, she does her reading, times tables and spelling. It worked brilliantly for us, and I can get to her for any emergency or event in 10 minutes in a taxi.

I wouldn't change it for anything. I have other friends who have done it too - though they are slightly nearer - for nursery but not school. We now have a part-time (pick up from school, stay till bed-time) nanny. DD still commutes, just with us on the inbound and nanny on the homebound journey.

Don't be put off, but do bear in mind that you have to be pretty impervious (or strict) about bad behaviour!

We have a( minimum of) 40 min drive with our 3 yr old, BUT because of DHs timings we actually leave home at 8am and return at 6pm.
Boy has 6 hours at preschool with effectively 2 hours commuting & 2 hours doing supermarket shop/ going to library/ park/ friends to play after preschool.

Its hard. The child is exhausted ( and he only does it 2 days week) by the time we get home.
After Christmas we will cut down to one day a week.He will be going to school 5 min walk from home when the time comes.

IMHO you would be foolish to do it long term. and to think of doing it with a 2nd child as well...

You child would never be able to have a friend home for tea, or go to a friend's after school. Please don't do it. My 15 minute drive is too far. Honestly, listen to the people who have been there, and who have done it with older children. There is a world of difference between the social life of a 3 year old, and that of an 8 year old.

I wouldn't consider it. Nursery/school is important yes, but if it means your children will basically only get parental input at weekends it is certainly not worth it. Parental input is way, way more important than school in the primary years. i think you need to shift your priorities.

If this were me I would be perhaps considering a complete relocation/downsize in order to live near to a good school, whether that be state or not. Obviously that is going to be further from London rather than closer in but there are loads of lovely places out there!

thanks for so many posts!

I asked my nanny to re-think her attitude to learning to drive, I just painted her a picture of bringing one child to scool while looking after a small one at the same time ... She promissed to think hard about it:-) I will give her my car which is an automatic. The montessori school is 15 minutes drive (I found a very nice um here on MN who tld me great things about that school, so I am happy with for now and will be visiting the school soon) nanny could get there by bus as well but with 15 minutes walking to and from bus ...
can't ditch the nanny as i need a russian nanny more than a montessori nanny and montessori + russian would be horrblu expencive if they exist at all, and my nanny is brilliant and my son loves her

i wonder - every one sais that there would be no "going around to see other children" - why?
i could drive him or nanny could bring him over?

that montesori school has children from st albans, tring, watford etc so there will be lots of travelling involved if kids want to meet up anyway

but I do agree with most of you - traveling would be difficult for all though I think it would have been possible if that would have been the only option ..

In your initial post you said 40-60 minutes by public transport - I was basing my 'no friends to tea on that. School finishes at 3.15 An hour to get home - say 4.15 home. An hour to play and tea before setting off to take the visitor home for 6.15 - then an hour going home again. Presumably taking your child with you because otherwise she'll be left home alone. That's 3 hours travelling for your child and the nanny for an hour's play!

seeker ... yep, make sense ... is not good ... even though the way i grew up was quite similar to what you've described it doesn't mean i would want it for my child - i take your point!

i would not even consider doing such a commute daily with a small child

i would change my nanny for someone who can drive. as long as you speak russian to your children they will learn it perfectly.

or move house nearer the school you want

I have done this. DD's nursery was fire damaged and relocated 45-60 mins away temporarily for 18 months while the nursery was rebuilt.
My advice....DO NOT DO THIS!!!!
The whole family were affected and I was very badly affected, with work, finances and family being really stretched.
I used to be up at 5:30. Get DD up around 6:15. Get DD into nursery for around 7:15. Id do an 8 hour day at work. Pick DD up around 5:15. Be home for around 6. DD would be grumpy and tired, that was how DP saw her each evening being grumpy and tired. It affected their relationship, DP felt she didnt like him.
House hold chore stuff was done after 7 when DD went to bed. Id be in bed for 10. Then Id be up 5:30 again.
Financially it cost over £2000 in petrol alone. My work really suffered and I ended up off with stress, depression etc.
DD between the age of 8 months to over 2 had a nursery day (including the travelling) of 10 hours.
Thankfully we all got through it but only just. I would never make that decision again no matter how good the nursery was. Btw the reason I stuck with the nursery was because it is such a good one.
Its just over a month since the nursery moved back to within 5 minutes walk of our home and Im just starting to normalise my routine.
DP's relationship with DD has improved loads in that time as he now can get her up in the morning and bring her into nursery. They are finally getting to know each other well!!

you know every one is saying "oh the child won't have friends around" ... though I agree that the commute might be too much and that would be a reason for me not to do it, but i disagree with the "friends" thing ... you still have weekends? if you drive your dc to see friends - wouldn't you stay at that house and wait while having a cup of tea with the other mum? (at least i would always invite the other mum(s)) in...
when i was growing up i didn't have children "for tea" - i played in the backyard with children that were around (some of them from my class, but not all) and in our school there were children from the whole city and from different countries (so sometimes we didn't have a common language) - it was an embassy school and because it was the "soviet time" i (and others) also were not allowed to play with the local kids - what i am trying to say is - you don't HAVE to have your school mates near you and have them around all the time - it is really good if you do (only if you are not the bullied one in the class) but if you don't it's still absolutelly ok