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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to concider a nursery/school 60 minutes away from home?

75 replies

me4sunny · 21/10/2009 09:28

and how far away would you look for a school? I am a full time working mum and my nanny doesn't drive (and doesn't want to learn to drive either) would you concider a school/nursery that is 40 -60 minutes away by public transport or is it unreasonable?

OP posts:
ShinyAndNew · 21/10/2009 14:09

I was going to mention the friends point but I see it has already been brought up.

When dd1 started school it was a 30 min walk away. All of friends used to go top each others houses to play. They were all just a short walk away from each other.

Dd1 felt left out as, because she was so far away, her friends parents were reluctant to come to us andit wasn't always possible for her to go to them as they only stay for an hour or so. So by the time I got dd2 home from the school run, it would be time to go back out to collect dd1 from her friends house.

It was horrific during the winter. We got soaked to the skin on many occassion even though dd1 has wellies, rain coats and umbrellas she would stil be slightly soggy and very cold by the time we got there.

We were constantly late, because it meant she was having to get up at ridiculous times to get there on time.

Now we have moved she goes to her friends house at least once a week. She is much happier at school and we haven't been late once.

sarah293 · 21/10/2009 14:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

branflake81 · 21/10/2009 14:10

My secondary school was an hour's bus journey away and although it was an excellent school the commute was miserable and I was constantly shattered, especially when I was doing my A Levels. My friends all lived miles away and I didn't have much of a social life as a result. I would really urge against it.

Ripeberry · 21/10/2009 14:17

Don't Montesorri only teach up to the age of 7yrs, then they have to go into an every day school anyway?
Why not just find yourself a nice private school nearby.
Two hours drive each day just for school is just madness
We have a Montesorri nursery just 10 mins walk from our house, but NO-ONE that I know uses it.
They all come from outside our area. The only difference is that the kids get a walk everyday in all weathers, use wooden toys and utensils, do what they like and don't use any electronic gadgets.
Might as well go and live with the New Age travellers

ImSoNotTelling · 21/10/2009 14:23

Was going to say the same as wishingchair - have you been and looked at the local nurseries? You may be pleasantly surprised.

Also just thought - if you have a nanny what's the nursery for - or is the nanny just for a few hours a day - I'm a bit confused.

Primaries - again go and have a look - have you checked the results - are they genuinely awful or just that there are better ones? Most primaries in my borough are good, just some are less good than others IYSWIM, and I think you may be from similar part of London to me.

Secondary - going on tube bus etc for an hours - they will do it themselves by then and it's normal no problem at all.

Original poster
me4sunny · 21/10/2009 14:25

Ripeberry
Montessori school goes up until 11 years so complete primary education. The philosophy behind Montessori is what I like. I think the no gadgets is the Stiener/Walldorf school:-) Montessori places a lot of emphasis on working independently and conducting your own research using all possible sources of information (like internet) they do use computers etc.
I personally agree that simple toys are much better for children as they allow to develop child's' own fantasy rather than prescribing how a unicorn should look like and what a fairy suppose to wear...

OP posts:
MrsBadger · 21/10/2009 14:30

madness, esp if you are making a nanny do the commute with them rather than eg taking them on your way to work.

cheaper to move house even if they are £600k

there will be nice nurseries / pre-preps closer even if not Montessori.

Original poster
me4sunny · 21/10/2009 14:33

ImSoNotTelling
nanny is here until DS1 goes to nursery in well... 1.5 years time:-) I would like to choose a nursery that "belongs" to the primary school and if I really decide to go for a Montessori one than the options to choose from are really limited - there are a lot of Montessori-like nurseries but very few primary schools

any school+nursery I've liked so far were all at least 15-20 minutes drive (nanny doesn't drive) nanny is suppose to stay with us until child/children can be left at home alone 9will just reduce her hours gradually, and I am a full time working mum) and may be will be replaced by a au-pair once child/children are older (we want a second child soon and that means that nanny will be here for at least another 4 years and the "drive to school" will become an issue) I asked her if she would consider taking driving lessons but she didn't want to... (i would have given her my car)

OP posts:
6feetundertheGroundhogs · 21/10/2009 14:35

DS (3.10) goes to a montessori nursery, they do use electronic things - they use a laptop

He loves it, and it's calmed him down immensely.

That commute is WAY too far, really. I'm sure you will find a really good nursery closer than that.

However, if you need to move to find a really good schooling system, move.

6feetundertheGroundhogs · 21/10/2009 14:35

DS (3.10) goes to a montessori nursery, they do use electronic things - they use a laptop

He loves it, and it's calmed him down immensely.

That commute is WAY too far, really. I'm sure you will find a really good nursery closer than that.

However, if you need to move to find a really good schooling system, move.

6feetundertheGroundhogs · 21/10/2009 14:36

sorry, pc did something weird then..

Original poster
me4sunny · 21/10/2009 14:36

MrsBadger
why would it be cheaper? I will still pay nanny (hope to have my second child in a year or so) and nurseries are only there for a couple of hours (and poor nanny commutes to our house for 1.5 hours one way, so i would need to keep her full time as long as possible as coming over for just couple of hours is not really an option for her with such a commute) before you ask what is so special about my nanny:-) - I am russian and so is she - I need someone to speak russian to my son while I am away and my husband doesn't speak russian ... AND a good russian nanny is VERY difficult to find, once you have one you will never let go:-))))

OP posts:
ImSoNotTelling · 21/10/2009 14:48

Oh I see it's nursery attached to school which is montessori and there aren't many about and you particularly like them. Fair enough.

Can other schools be reached on public transport - the 15/20 min ones? Have you looked at them - nursery/primary?

If you have your heart set on the montessori then you need to either do the nuts commute or move.

If I were you I would go and look at local pre-schools and primaries and see if you like any - and if you really don't then it comes down to moving/mad commute.

How does the nanny feel about 1 hour there and back on public transport, presumably in rush hour and later on maybe with your second child in tow - when she has already done a lengthy commute herself to get to you?

MrsBadger · 21/10/2009 15:06

I was thinking more of moving house to be in the catchment of good state nursery / primary / secondary schools, which could save you hundreds of thousands in school fees over the next 16yrs.

Twintummy · 21/10/2009 15:07

Nope couldn't do it. I live a 20 minute walk from our school and even that I find too much sometimes with my 3 children. I'm driving today (5 minutes!) as I can't face the moaning on the way home!

Original poster
me4sunny · 21/10/2009 15:19

MrsBadger the idea was to pay for the primary and have chil/children decide what they want next and if they want a good school they would need to apply for a grand or sit exam in a grammer school and if they are not that good academically to get one , then I will start thinking what to do;-) and in 11 years time we might not even be living here anyway ... (just a thought)

OP posts:
ImSoNotTelling · 21/10/2009 15:27

Are there no other private primaries around nearer that you like then?

Have you looked at other schools & nurseries or just this montessori?

Original poster
me4sunny · 21/10/2009 15:41

ImSoNotTelling
i would prefer a good Montessori school - imagine, if only we manage to get a second child on its way in the next 1-1.5 years the two kids will be in the same class and will stay together for the first 11 years of their life! That is so cool! Our world is changing, the way we live and work is changing and is going much more into direction of collaboration and team work - why would I not want my children grow up in an education system that encourages exactly that, you know?

other primaries - none in our town at all, good ones are in beaconsfield (but not co-ed and we want a co-ed school) and the other one i like is aldenham, but there?s NO public transport to there at all, you must take a cab or drive from the station ... there are couple of schools in Berkhamsted but even though they are easier to get to door to door we are still looking at 40 minutes (including a train trip) ...moving to berkhamstead would mean that my commute would go up to be over 1.5 hours one way so I won't see my children at all ...

the easiest solution would be to move into a catchment area of a state school, but i would feel defeated and like a looser who can't provide my kids with what I believe is long-term a much better option for them ...so i feel very emotional about that as you could tell:-)

OP posts:
MrsBadger · 21/10/2009 15:45

hmm
just seems a bit daft to spend all your money on prep and hope for a grant or a grammar (both of which are in short supply) at 11.
And IMO if they turn out to be not very academic at 11 they are likely to get much better support, smaller class sizes etc in the private than in the state sector.

I would (and in fact will) do it the other way round - state primary till 11 (our catchment one is good because we chose the house carefully ) while we save like hell in case they end up needing to go private at 11...

Original poster
me4sunny · 21/10/2009 15:49

MrsBadger
i know... there is a complelling logic in what you are saying!

OP posts:
MrsBadger · 21/10/2009 16:06

and especially because when they are younger the influence at home is that much greater - all the wonderful teamwork, co-operation, using-your-imagination etc ethos that you love about Montessori you can with effort and a good nanny model at home for them...

Romanarama · 21/10/2009 16:09

We did it and it wasn't that bad. DS quite liked going on the bus. I wouldn't do it again though tbh, it only happened because the nursery was in dh's workplace and he was relocated to a different office but we already loved the nursery by then.

I went to secondary school on the tube (30mins) and there were plenty of kids there who did much much longer commutes to attend a highly-regarded private school.

TotalChaos · 21/10/2009 16:16

too tiring for the kid and nanny. as poor nanny will have 1.5h X 2 for her commute then 1h X4 for school run - so 7 hours travel each day .

Original poster
me4sunny · 21/10/2009 16:20

Total Chaos - I agree, I haven't thought that bit through ! wonder if i can convince her to learn driving

OP posts:
titchy · 21/10/2009 16:36

I have to admit being a bit when you say you couldn't move to Berkamstead because your commute would be 1.5 hours each way, but you're prepared to let a nanny commute for 4 hours a day, and your 4 or 5 year old child commute an hour each way.

Also, although I understand your philosophy of schools - letting them decide if they want o go to a good school at 11 - come on - at 11????? Who's the adult here!