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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think that the original Feminists...

77 replies

donkeyderby · 20/10/2009 23:43

....may live to regret the emancipation of their daughters when they find themselves on their own in old age with no-one to look after them?

OP posts:
Hullygully · 21/10/2009 13:46

Somking? that sounds good. I'll do that too.

DuelingFANGo · 21/10/2009 14:01

"Not trolling. Ever since I worked in nursing homes, I have thought there is something really tragic about the way old people in this country are put in nursing homes and left to rot (I've worked in a few). Not all are bad, but so many seem really inhuman and it is a hidden scandal that needs exposing - especially private homes. "

Don't their sons and nephews etc come and visit them either?

Why make it a gender issue rather than just an issue to do with busy people who can't juggle the care?

ImSoNotTelling · 21/10/2009 14:03

hully I have always sneakily planned to start smoking again when the end nears too

Hullygully · 21/10/2009 14:04

I bet there's quite a few of us..

Hullygully · 21/10/2009 14:05

And I shall have wine for breakfast and never get dressed.

dittany · 21/10/2009 14:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

VinegARGHHHTits · 21/10/2009 14:10

'I am not blaming women, including feminists, I just asked a hypothetical question. The problem with feminism is men: They haven't understood that they were meant to be sharing the caring 50/50.'

My father is caring for his mother in her old age so you can't blame all men

ImSoNotTelling · 21/10/2009 14:11

Wine for brekkie eh?

I'm going to take hallucinogens to watch countdown...

We will need a few days notice of anyone visiting to sober up!

VinegARGHHHTits · 21/10/2009 14:11

Infact blaming men full stop is bullshit

Miggsie · 21/10/2009 14:14

Gosh, yes, women should NOT be emancipated ever, cos then there's no one to do the shit work for no pay...

I thought the whole point of feminism was that women should not be defined by and limited to caring roles?
It was not that we all stopped caring about our families.

I wonder how they will manage in China in a few years where there is such an imbalance between female and male growing up currently that -gasp- the men MIGHT have to do caring roles, as they have a shortage of women to do "womens work".

MadameDefarge · 21/10/2009 14:19

I think the workhouses of olden times were stuffed to the gills with abandoned grannies and grandpas...nothing new about economically unproductive family being shunted off to the state...

Earthymama · 21/10/2009 14:59

I gave up my career to look after my mum, but would never expect that of my daughter. She's told me I get a room with shelves of books and unlimited on tap G&T!

I'm putting my name down now but don't know why I have to wait!!

cory · 21/10/2009 15:27

donkeyderby, a lot of people are in nursing homes because they can't be looked after at home

in the past, they would have died

my MIL is paralysed from the waist downwards, has to be hoisted out of bed to use the toilet and cannot negotiate doorways

in an idyllic rural society I expect she would have died from bedsores after a few weeks (there is no way an average woman could lift her)

instead, she is able to pay for quality care because she has worked and had a pension, and should the money run out, she has two DILs who are also earning (as are her sons)

besides, shouldn't emancipation mean that men take more responsibility for the home? so why blame it all on the women?

Hullygully · 21/10/2009 15:32

I think the Op has been driven off with pitchforks run away.

Hullygully · 21/10/2009 15:33

Why don't my strike outs work then?

ImSoNotTelling · 21/10/2009 20:55

Because you are too drug addled to follow the instructions properly

You have to put the -- around each word thus

MrsFlittersnoop · 21/10/2009 21:12

Former card-carrying dungaree-wearing/Reclaim the Night marching/ Women's Aid worker here.

My only brother has emigrated to Australia. DH, DS and I moved in with my 81 year old mum last month because she couldn't sell her house and it's too big for her to manage on her own.

The alternative was to uproot her from Bath after 40 years and move her to a North London suburb. (Oh Joy! )

I have no job, and frankly very little prospect of obtaining paid work and am basically an unpaid carer/housekeeper. But at least I'm looking after the people I love.

And I'm still a feminist.

Quod Erat Demonstrandum.

poshsinglemum · 21/10/2009 22:03

Men tend to die before women hence the abundance of old ladies in homes. They probably do have kids but nowadays people have to work more or are too selfish. I blame capitalism not feminism.

ChunkyKitKat · 21/10/2009 22:10

Are you Janet Street-Porter Hullygully?

Original poster
donkeyderby · 21/10/2009 22:51

Back -with my own pitchfork-. Poshsinglemum, I happen to agree totally with you re. Capitalism - and the majority of men - being to blame. I have never blamed feminists despite my question being inflammatory, I just wondered whether feminists have any regrets.

Mrs Flittersnoop, that sounds a great compromise and how lovely for your mum

OP posts:
NanaNina · 21/10/2009 22:57

Mrs Flittersnoop - same here - and yes I too had the dungarees and was in Women's Aid - you brought back memories for me - do you remember the checked shirts too? Together with some friends we opened a Women's Refuge in our home town in 1978, and through my association with refuges I went into social work and had a really fulfilling career.

However DDarby - I was part of the 60s Womens Liberation Movement but I was NOT middle class, wealthy or educated, so please don't stereotype us women who fought for equality in those times. And please don't perpetuate that myth about bra burning. Do you not realise that NO woman ever burned her bra - it was a cheap journalistic jibe to make sensational headlines and to hear it still quoted is sooooooooo depressing.

I only have sons but even if I had daughters (emancipated ones or not) I would most certainly not expect them (nor my sons or dils) to look after me in old age if I get that far. I have seen too many situations with friends who have had a parent to live with them while they were still relatively fit, only to be full of resentment in later years as the parents gets more dependent and irritating.

I would prefer sheltered accommodation but if that isn't possible I will go into a home as I really really don't want to be a burden to anyone - and unpalatable as it is, old people in the main are a burden. Mind by the time I am reaching 80 (If I live that long) there will be massive pressure on elderly services so I might have to make do with a soup kitchen.

NanaNina · 21/10/2009 22:59

Mrs Flittersnoop - same here - and yes I too had the dungarees and was in Women's Aid - you brought back memories for me - do you remember the checked shirts too? Together with some friends we opened a Women's Refuge in our home town in 1978, and through my association with refuges I went into social work and had a really fulfilling career.

However DDarby - I was part of the 60s Womens Liberation Movement but I was NOT middle class, wealthy or educated, so please don't stereotype us women who fought for equality in those times. And please don't perpetuate that myth about bra burning. Do you not realise that NO woman ever burned her bra - it was a cheap journalistic jibe to make sensational headlines and to hear it still quoted is sooooooooo depressing.

I only have sons but even if I had daughters (emancipated ones or not) I would most certainly not expect them (nor my sons or dils) to look after me in old age if I get that far. I have seen too many situations with friends who have had a parent to live with them while they were still relatively fit, only to be full of resentment in later years as the parents gets more dependent and irritating.

I would prefer sheltered accommodation but if that isn't possible I will go into a home as I really really don't want to be a burden to anyone - and unpalatable as it is, old people in the main are a burden. Mind by the time I am reaching 80 (If I live that long) there will be massive pressure on elderly services so I might have to make do with a soup kitchen.

NanaNina · 21/10/2009 23:00

Sorry didn't mean to duplicate post - I put it down to my age!

Hullygully · 22/10/2009 09:27

Chunky - I am! But please don't tell anyone.

ImSoNotTelling · 22/10/2009 18:00

ROFL hully's not janet street porter. She spends her time walking not pouring wine over her cornflakes