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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think that the original Feminists...

77 replies

donkeyderby · 20/10/2009 23:43

....may live to regret the emancipation of their daughters when they find themselves on their own in old age with no-one to look after them?

OP posts:
CaresMildly · 21/10/2009 11:43

Absolutely buggered, especially if they were stupid enough to only have sons in the first place.

stickylittlefingers · 21/10/2009 12:01

I don't understand why emancipated daughters would not look after parents? Is there any evidence for this? Certainly my family would be anecdotal evidence against such a strange notion.

OrmIrian · 21/10/2009 12:04

Fuck me! Why should only women (feminists or not) be obliged to look after the ageing mothers. Women have sons too.

Original poster
donkeyderby · 21/10/2009 12:07

pooexplosions - As I said, I am talking about the 60's feminists. 'Original' was perhaps the wrong term but I am obviously not talking about Victorian pioneers because their daughters are dead!

A job would prevent you from dishing out care to an elderly relative who is dependent.

Really, I only threw this question in the air because I do wonder how the strong, opinionated women of 1960's feminist movement will cope as dependent, infirm, quite possibly lonely old women. Will they regret that their daughters - who once may have been required to do the arse-wiping - do not have the time or inclination to look after them because they are too busy working, paying the mortgage, looking after children because they are older mothers and because some see care work as beneath them...? I personally feel that we have lost some sense of social responsibility but for a whole variety of reasons, not just the loss of women as an unpaid care force.

It is absolutely not because I do not value the importance of the feminist movement, but I can see I will have to explain that I am not an enemy of womankind until I'm blue in the face, so I think I'll leave with my tail between my legs at this point.

OP posts:
Hullygully · 21/10/2009 12:14

Your whole point is limited and rubbish, unfortunately.

OrmIrian · 21/10/2009 12:18

"the loss of women as an unpaid care force." Good. It should never have been down to women to take on everyone's care. It was just convenient that because women were at home doing the mother thing that they got lumbered with all the caring roles.

"I personally feel that we have lost some sense of social responsibility "
Yes. We have. And that is not a good thing. But you can lay that at the door or Thatcherism more than feminism. Excessive individualism isn't down to women.

pooexplosions · 21/10/2009 12:26

A job does not prevent you caring for a relative, it makes it more difficult, but not impossible.
But what has changed anyway? Lots of women always worked. Lots of women don't work now, many work part time. Not much has really changed, except maybe attitudes towards caring and individualism and social responsibility. And I agree that you can blame Thatcher for that more than any feminist movement.

I'm not sure what you are arguing for or against? That we are not only supposed to care for everyone and put our own needs last, but we are responsible for when the care system breaks down too? That its our fault that old people have inadequate care and attention?

I don't expect my children to care for me in my old age, I hope to provide for myself.They are all boys though, so I guess they are off the hook anyway?

Earthymama · 21/10/2009 12:47

Why will feminists be lonely? I really don't understand your point of view at all.

Why should you equate Feminism with being alone? I'm a feminist and so is my daughter, my son, my partner, my sister-in-law, my neice, my nephew....I could go on ad infinitum.

Do you really mean...they won't have a man?
Because of course men can't be feminists, can they?

May I point you in the direction of Fawcett Society, with a fine figure of a feminist!

Chaotica · 21/10/2009 12:48

This isn't a problem of feminism, or even gender, or having a job; but distance between most of us and our parents makes it difficult to have any day to day responsibility for their care. (This also applies in reverse to the lack of childcare and children being sick or disabled.)

The expectation that we will move to find work or go to university leaves families without the traditional support networks.

And FWIW my hardline feminist mum died with excellent care (although she didn't always get that from the hospitals), expressing her opinions almost to the end. Like most of us, she relied on friends, neighbours and buying in care when needed (and never left her own home).

Earthymama · 21/10/2009 12:49

I agree with OrmIrian and dread the return to those values through government.

Fennel · 21/10/2009 12:56

All those lonely old feminists can sign up to my planned old people's commune, it'll be very feminist-friendly and we can all hobble round looking after each other leaving our daughters free to live their own lives, or visit now and then.

Janos · 21/10/2009 13:22

Can I sign up for the lonely old feminists commune as well please?

I only have a son and clearly he can't be expected to do any of that demeaning 'looking after' business. So clearly I'm condemned to a lonely old age on both counts

OrmIrian · 21/10/2009 13:25

"A son's a son till he gets him a wife.
A daughter's a daughter till she gets her qualification, a job and an expensive shoe habit and fecks off to the other side of the world the selfish undutiful cow"

Hullygully · 21/10/2009 13:26

Me and my friends (feminists all men and women), have a commune planned for our old age, somewhere warm, cheap and fully staffed. Full range of drugs and alcohol. Children may visit with prior permission.

MorrisZapp · 21/10/2009 13:28

YABU to mention bra burning.

It never happened.

Stop giving oxygen to these laughable myths.

Fennel · 21/10/2009 13:32

My commune will have visitors' quarters on the edge of the site. It'll have space for vegetable and chicken growing, a strong eco-focus, and lots of thought-provoking debate and activities. a mini-bus to transport old people to cultural and social activities. Hopefully a swimming pool. Lots of scrabble.

And maybe my 3 emancipated daughters will pop in now and then but I'll be too busy to hang around waiting for them to call.

Fennel · 21/10/2009 13:33

oh yes we'll have alcohol. Gallons of it. And we'll behave disgracefully and our daughters will have to have little chats to us about calming down and being responsible.

ImSoNotTelling · 21/10/2009 13:35

Oooh hully that sounds wonderful.

Hullygully · 21/10/2009 13:40

I'mSo - thanks, we thought it was a better plan than sitting tranked up in a circle round the telly in wee smelling chairs...

MorrisZapp · 21/10/2009 13:41

This thread reminds me of that bit in Tales of the City where the young gay guys are fantasising about 'The Last Roundup', their ideal, Western themed gay retirement home.

Bet there are gay retirement homes now in the US. They probably have the best sing songs

Hullygully · 21/10/2009 13:42

And bathrobes and interior decor.

Hullygully · 21/10/2009 13:42

and drugs, come to think of it.

ImSoNotTelling · 21/10/2009 13:43

That's twice you've mentioned the drugs hully.

I;m detecting a theme

Hullygully · 21/10/2009 13:44

More an essential than a theme, I fear, I'mSo

Hullygully · 21/10/2009 13:45

I want to do all the drugs I haven't done because I'm good when i'm old. I'm going to start somking agian at 70 as well, if I'm still alive. Back to the roll ups.