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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To expect my 'best friend' to have got bored of asking me, "so are you going to try for a girl?"

68 replies

2babyblues · 20/10/2009 16:53

Ever since I had my second boy my friend has asked me this question. She has a girl and a boy. It is really annoying and I always say something like - were happy with what weve got etc. She just keeps on asking though and it is really getting on my nerves. I am pretty sure she is doing it on purpose as she knows I would have liked a girl when I was pregnant. She is quite competitive and this is her sad way of thinking she has one up on me having one of each. She keeps on about all those lovely pink outfits I could buy - which I think is a pretty shallow way of looking at it.

OP posts:

benjysmum · 21/10/2009 21:40

ask her for really graphic details on "how to try for a girl". that should shut her up.

p.s. my geography teacher explained this when i was thirteen. made logical sense but not sure how it would work in practice.

littlemisslozza · 21/10/2009 22:00

While pregnant with DS2 a distant relative was hoping he was a girl - apparently both of her children had one of each IN THE RIGHT ORDER . Boy, then girl! So not only did she think one of each was best they had to be in a certain way!
Some people have funny ideas.... we just wanted a healthy baby.

LittleWhiteWereWolf · 22/10/2009 16:44

My MIL is has 3 boys 2 girls (B,G,B,G,B) and is ALWAYS saying in front of her lovely daughters how much more loving boys are and how difficult girls are

I have a DD and would ideally like two more children. I do not mind one bit whether we have DD+ 2 boys, DD x3 DDx2 and 1 boy.

I was hoping for a girl, but that was because I was CONVINCED I was having a girl and wanted to be right!

I did speak to a mother and daughter with a baby boy in the post office the other day. The gran was saying how much they'd wanted a girl and how she'd "have to try harder next time"!!!

SuperCC · 22/10/2009 16:56

I don't understand your friend. We have a ds of 18 months and are ttc at the moment and would be delighted to have another boy - or a girl! Very odd indeed.

I think the only way to deal with her is to be upfront and tell her you're happy with your boys and to give it a rest.

skyedog · 22/10/2009 17:46

I have 2 boys, and think they are great. People seem not to realise that you can't chose the sex. I didn't realise just how happy I was to have two perfectly healthy babies until a friend had a disabled child. I would have thought a girl was great too! I have also had loads of comments on trying again for a girl.

damewashalot · 22/10/2009 17:47

Don't get me started!
I have 4 lovely boys and have had the same thing since ds1 was born, any child is a wonderful gift.

I shall stop there as I tend to get cross and rant

campion · 22/10/2009 17:56

After DS1 someone said to me in the middle of Boots ' aren't you clever having a boy first?'

After DS2 (me severe pre-eclampsia / emergency CS / DS 33 weeks,small for dates, special care blah blah) ' are you disappointed it wasn't a girl?'

Quite glad we both survived actually I was able to say.

flessica · 22/10/2009 18:26

I have four boys and am expecting a 5th DC. I actually think this time round people have made less comments than last time (maybe they think it's a sore subject now!) but for those that do ask, 'Are you hoping for a girl?', my usual reply has become - 'I don't know, we do boys pretty well, don't we?' That normally draws out some kind of complement for my existing children and (hopefully) makes them feel a bit guilty for their insensitivity.

I think also people look at me and think 'Well, at least she's given it a good try!' (when they don't know we're expecting again) whereas when you have two, people feel that somehow you haven't given it a decent chance . You know, because they're the experts...

KristinaM · 22/10/2009 20:13

congratulations flessica, five children are wonderful

Monstermomi · 24/10/2009 14:05

why do people use the word 'clever' - eg for having a ds first or having one of each, etc. there's nothing clever about it, it just is the luck of the draw.

we have 3 DDs and yes, I wanted a boy when trying for dc 2&3 but we had lovely girls. I was sick of the comments about 'do you want a boy' (yes, I did but didn't admit it) and always said that 3 girls together would be good friends. and so far they are very close.

now people ask me if we're going to try another time for a boy. i just roll my eyes and say how much I love having 3 girls.

controlfreek · 24/10/2009 15:51

yanbu! tell her to give it a rest already!!

it never crossed my mind when ttc #2 of wanting a dd, a healthy baby was all we wanted and thankfully what we got.

MAYBE people are just boring and stuck for things to say and just like the weather making comments on gender is just natural....

I'm boring and guilty, makes things equal!! lol

controlfreek · 24/10/2009 15:53

p.s. i have 2 ds's

we're in good company, gwen stefani, britney spears, louise redknapp, pamela anderson, victoria beckham....

busybutterfly · 24/10/2009 16:09

We have DS1, DS2 and DD.

DH's family utterly delighted we had DD as he's from all boys.

I'm from all girls so my family v pleased with both DS!

Me and DH love them all to bits

posieparksherbroom · 24/10/2009 16:11

Just tell her you're not going to try as you've found another couple who only have one sex, two girls, and they are willing to trade.

forehead · 24/10/2009 17:47

When my sister in law had 3 dd's i never once nentioned the fact that she didn't have a boy as i knew this would upset her as she was always wanted a boy. Her 4th child was a boy and we were all thrilled for her. When it was my turn to have children i had 2 dd's and i am convinced that she was thrilled about the fact that i didn't have a son because she continually went on about the fact that she had a boy and i didn't and how she was glad to be able to buy blue clothing for a change. When i eventually had a boy i could tell she wasn't really happy about it, even my dh noticed how cold she was.
OP yanbu, she is probably doing this purposely, however if she senses that you are really upset about your ds's she will probably continue. The next time she mentions this,just tell her that you would have loved a daughter but it didn't happen however you are grateful for your 2ds's as they have brought a lot of joy to yourself and your dh. That will shut her .

forehead · 24/10/2009 17:58

I meant had always wanted a boy

MrsDmamee · 27/10/2009 11:07

YANBU...how silly some people are, babies are fab no matter what gender they are..and they all happen to have different personalities too which always means 2 boys are never the same neither are 2 girls etc...
2babyblues tell your friend "im happy to be the only girl in this family i get to be the QUEEN!!!"[GRIN] and then in future just ask her to get a new topic ive heard that one before yawn!!

im PG with #3 ive 2DS and im sure when everyone in RL finds out ill be hearing "oh are u hoping for a girl"

curlygirl4 · 29/10/2009 14:32

I have 4 dd and 1 ds ranging from 20yrs old to 11yrs and people asked us if we where going to keep trying for another boy. I think the reply we gave in the end was just having one boy and four girls was a gift and he stopped the fights over who got the pink cup etc that girls ike to have. He is our second and is now over 6ft 7in and l sometimes think his sisters would give him away.

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