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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect my 'best friend' to have got bored of asking me, "so are you going to try for a girl?"

68 replies

2babyblues · 20/10/2009 16:53

Ever since I had my second boy my friend has asked me this question. She has a girl and a boy. It is really annoying and I always say something like - were happy with what weve got etc. She just keeps on asking though and it is really getting on my nerves. I am pretty sure she is doing it on purpose as she knows I would have liked a girl when I was pregnant. She is quite competitive and this is her sad way of thinking she has one up on me having one of each. She keeps on about all those lovely pink outfits I could buy - which I think is a pretty shallow way of looking at it.

OP posts:
girlsyearapart · 21/10/2009 08:51

Blimey stealth who was that from??? You mean handwritten into it or a card with that typed on?

Have 2 girls and people are always on about how much DH would like a boy. Especially my MIL.

Err no we would both be quite happy to only have girls.

StealthPolarBear · 21/10/2009 08:56

No, handwritten, that wasn't a hallmark sentiment
From my grandad, who prides himself on being outspoken and putting people's backs up like this. He's also lovely, generous and kind, but seems to find this sort of thing amusing!

girlsyearapart · 21/10/2009 08:59

Unsure which I'm more over..

Did you say anything to him?

Grandads have a whole different sense of humour

ClaireDeLoon · 21/10/2009 09:00

Don't try to compete with her over how lovely two boys are compared to one of each.

Just say 'For God's sake give it a rest you're obsessed with baby girls' next time and then she might shut up. Maybe

curiositykilled · 21/10/2009 09:04

My mum had three girls then a boy. Having 4 children was a compromise because she is a Dr and had wanted 6 but also wanted to actually get back to work at some point.

People used to say to me when I was a child - "Oh, they kept going till they got the boy they wanted then". It was horrible, really undermined my confidence as I was quite a boyish girl and I already felt a bit pushed out by some older relatives who got very excited when my bro was born.

People are just mean. Wish I'd had some kind of comeback!

LadyOfTheFlowers · 21/10/2009 09:12

YANBU.

I have 3 boys and am preg with no.4.

I am 15 weeks tomorrow and luckily don't show till around 7 months so will not be announcing it until I can't hide it.

I am already sick and tired of the boy/girl questions from the few family members/close firends that know.

It will be all I hear on the school run - along with 'You will have your hands full'.

'Tother day, I was informed by another mother at the gates I 'shouldn't have any more - 3 boys is plenty to content with, you poor thing'

pigletmania · 21/10/2009 09:24

YANBU tell her naff off that you are quite happy with your family thanks. As long as their happy and healthy who cares.

gagamama · 21/10/2009 09:24

YANBU, and yes, she is being shallow. Tell her you're going to try for another boy because girls just turn into gossipy, bitchy women, throw her a sideways glance, and take a big sip of tea.

pigletmania · 21/10/2009 09:25

Stealthpolarbear who sent that one ILs by in chance

pigletmania · 21/10/2009 09:27

sorry just read more posts, blimy some people. I have a dd, and people keep going on about how a boy will be next and telling dd that you would like a baby brother wont you, yes it would be nice but we would be happy with whaever god gives us

Original poster
2babyblues · 21/10/2009 09:33

Thanks everyone, all your comments have been very useful. I am not that good at quick comebacks and don't really want to look too bothered when she goes on. So you have given me some good ideas.

I think she goes on as she wants me to say that I am desperate for a girl. I don't think she imagines that I can be happy with my boys alone, as she loves the whole ballet and sparkly pink stuff so much. I am annoyed with her as she is not saying out of concern or anything, she is really trying get one over on me. She has also made tons of other comments that are too numerous to mention!!!

A little part of me of course would love a girl but I would never regret having my wonderful boys! We have considered a third child but the reality is that I find I am so busy with my 2 that I couldn't imagine being able to cope with more whatever the sex!!! Though I am very broody!

OP posts:
StealthPolarBear · 21/10/2009 09:44

piglet
Suppose the praise was all directed at DH really, with my two X chromosomes I had very little to do with it (well apart from 9 months pregnant and then giving birth )

Stigaloid · 21/10/2009 10:03

YANBU in that it is annoying YABU in not telling her firmly and clearly to stop.

Or start responding to her with "don't you wish to have another boy/girl so that your children can experience the wonders of a same sex sibling relationship?"

lemoniee · 21/10/2009 12:39

OP... you're certainly NBU. Your friend's behaviour sounds extremely annoying, you should try harder to put a stop to it, don't just ignore her.

Snap to LadyOfTheFlowers, I happen to be in the same boat ie 3 boys, pregnant with 4th baby, 14 weeks today, and dreading all the comments that will no doubt come flooding once people get to know about the bump.

This pregnancy was a total surprise ( failed contraception ) so I wasn't ' trying for a girl' as no doubt I will hear lots in the nearest future.

My honest feelings re gender of this baby are that it would be nice to experience raising a girl but I would also love to have another boy as I adore my bunch of two teens and a three year old and found bringing up boys easy and fun (and I've found as teens they're even more fun and more loving as ever ! ).

I must say, though, that comments implying that girls are somewhat more desirable in general ( sadly, very prevailing in RL and on the net ) anger me more than the ones about having a mixed sex family.
The usual ' a son is a son until he meets a wife' or how daughters are closer to mums... yes , sometimes, but as a rule bull bull bull and once again bull, not my ( long ) life observance of immediate, extended family, friends, acquaintances etc

lemoniee · 21/10/2009 13:10

The worst I experienced was not so much a comment but a behaviour with an intention to provoke reaction on my part, jealousy i guess.

I was chatting to one of my cousins ( she has a boy and a girl ) when her daughter came over and the cousin started to be very affectionate towards her, cuddling her, saying things like ' my lovely daughter'.
Of course, I thought nothing of it at first but as it carried on and on and started to look more like a put on show, it suddenly dawned on me what she was doing. This was the first time I visited her after having had my third boy and she was trying to make a point.

I just found it bizzare, though not totally surprising as since childhood she seemed to have this competitive attitude towards me.

sweetkitty · 21/10/2009 13:16

I also find this, I have a friend pregnant with a girl after a boy and is being a bit smug about one of each.

My own mother commented on the fact that only she and one cousin have "hit the jackpot" in our family, i.e. one of each. She also told me DP will leave me if "I" cannot give him a son as all men want sons!

I have 3 girls and am just about 12 weeks with no4, obviously we are trying for a boy, desperate for a boy, be very disappointed with another girl, whats the going rate for girl babies on ebay these days?

Another daughter will be very welcome, the three I have are completely different and it's shallow to judge a baby on what it has or doesn't have between it's legs.

wheresmypaddle · 21/10/2009 13:31

YANBU why do people think its OK to make such insensitive comments about other people's family make-up, whether it be boy vs girl ratio or number of children- its just plain rude, nobody likes it and many of us feel hurt and insulted by it.

mumof2222222222222222boys · 21/10/2009 13:40

As you can all see I have 2 boys and I wouldn't have it any other way.

I honestly didn't mind what we had (and didn't find out), but was sure that DS1 was a boy, and then with No 2, I was secretly hoping for another boy (although would have been happy) and of course we now have 222222boys.

No 3 isn't on the cards - but i can just imagine the comments! Occasionally people ask if we'll have another, and I laugh and say "highly unlikely - I am pushing 40!" But if it did happen, my preference would be for a boy.

My SIL (2 boys as well) went for no 3 fully expecting a third boy. DN arrived instead, and she's great. And Grandad is happy.

Mind you he loves all the GCs (and thinks it is quite amusing that his best friend has 7DGDs!)

So OP - YANBU! I think I would just tell her I found the constant questions rather boring.

Rossco · 21/10/2009 13:57

YANBU, I have 4 boys and still get asked when we are going to try for a girl.

5 days after DS2 was born a woman I didn't know came up and asked me if I wasn't disappointed to have another boy but not bot to worry because I could try again!

With each I was glad that they were healthy and couldn't have cared less about the sex.

Some people are just insensitive.

ninamag · 21/10/2009 20:09

YANBU I have four girls when my last daughter was born, the midwife said to me in the delivery suite if I wanted a boy I should have it with another partner. My dp told her where to go and we made a complaint to the hospital.

People are so rude.

crockydoodle · 21/10/2009 20:34

Yeah people are rude. i used to get those questions all the time but funnily enough they stopped asking them when my 4th child was a girl after 3 sons.
I remember my MIL once made a comment to me about how clever SHE was to have had one of each. I just thought - "you sad woman, am I meant to feel like a failure then?"

nottheyummymummy · 21/10/2009 21:03

I've just had a girl after 2 sons and people who barely know me have bought presents for her and make such a fuss and yet ignore my poor sons, didn't buy them presents when they were born and act as if I gave birth to the second coming. It does not matter what the sex of a child is and whether you are going to try for a girl...I used to say to people when they asked me if I was trying for a girl 'it doesn't bother me what the sex of my next child is, it would obviously bother you' - it shut people up.

newpup · 21/10/2009 21:23

I too have 2 DDs and constantly get the 'will you try for a boy then' comments. Have also been told that DH MUST want a boy as all men do!!

Actually I love having girls and have no wish at all to have a boy! (Boys are lovely, adore my nephew) I always imagined having 2 little girls and feel lucky I got them!

Actually i feel lucky to have 2 healthy, happy children full stop!

KristinaM · 21/10/2009 21:29

if she really IS your bf then i think you should sit her down and ask her why she keeps on asking when you have already told her "no".

explain that you find it upsetting/annoying/hurtful, that you feel she is criticising your family. no doubt she will say

" oh sorry, i didn't mean it that way, i was only asking, girls are so great " etc etc

but at least she should button it in future

if she doesnt, you KNOW she is trying to upset you and you should drop her. no one needs a bf who isn't on their side

TheBolter · 21/10/2009 21:37

I have had similar questions but personally I've found that having two of the same gender is fantastic - especially as they're close in age. My two are best mates.

I am actually pleased to have two the same rather one of each (I'd have been grateful whatever but given the choice I'd still choose two of the same...)