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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to give ds cereal for dinner?

69 replies

summerisover · 19/10/2009 17:41

not sure if it is a phase he's going through but ds (2)normally very good at eating anything put down to him has been driving me round the bend with his dinner escapades tonight.

I'm not feeding him poison, I swear, but home made sweet and sour chicken and plain boiled rice. Took ages to cook (am annoyed at that too). Most has went in the bin as it has been offered to him twice now.

First there was a lot of head turning and spitting out. Also trying to get dd(3) to eat her dinner quickly in time to get ready for ballet. So in the end, before I lost it completely, ds was put in his cot (which he thought was a great game) while I calmed down and made sure dd ate some and got her dressed. dh took her to ballet while I got ds out the cot and tried giving him the same dinner again. Same tactics and screaming as if i'm doing something painful to him.

So in the end I gave up.

he's now quite happily eating a bowl of cheerios (without milk) on the floor....

I could scream..............

OP posts:

Morloth · 20/10/2009 17:57

Right dinner in the oven.

Caz10 I have no idea when they get it. DS was only breastfed (on demand) until about 8mths (he used to sit at the table with us before that and from about six months was given little morsels, but he mostly just fiddled with them).

It was a very "organic" flow for us from breastfeeding to eating normally. He was still having 4 breastfeeds a day (at 8mths) along with 3 meals. Then stopped waking for his late evening bf, then started waking up late enough to skip bf in the morning and go straight to brekkie, then had his mid-morning bf replaced with a piece of fruit, then mid-afternoon bf replaced with some cheese or something. This happened over the course of about a year (and he would sometimes revert to wanting more breastfeeds during that time) so we never had the waking up a night hungry thing.

He now eats a hearty breakfast, takes a packed lunch, usually has a piece of fruit and a glass of milk (and whatever is left in lunch box) for a snack when getting home from school and then eats dinner.

I don't know if it will work for everyone, but I see it as my job to provide DS with good (and tasty!) nutritious food at regular intervals. It is his choice whether he eats it or not.

No screaming, no late nights, no food battles, for me it was easy.

PoisonToadstool · 20/10/2009 18:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

hanaboo · 20/10/2009 18:00

i concede that i had it easy with dd, i made her eat things and she liked them. dunno wat i would've done if she didn't!

PoisonToadstool · 20/10/2009 18:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

hanaboo · 20/10/2009 18:03

funny enough, when she was 1 or 2 i would tell her it was her favourite! she'd say 'whats this mummy?' i'd say 'fish, (or whatever it was that evening) don't u remember? its your favourite' she'd say 'oh yes, fish, its my favourite' and gobble it up lol

Morloth · 20/10/2009 18:04

I don't think there is a wrong or a right way exactly PoisonToadstool, if it works in your house then it works. If it isn't working then it needs to change.

I do think feeling hungry (really hungry, like "damn I could eat a horse" hungry) every now and again is good for everyone, adults and children. I find I tend to eat a lot better and in more appropriately sized portions when I make sure not to snack between meals.

Emprexia · 20/10/2009 18:08

hanaboo we tried making him and it turned him into a screaming, writhing wreck who ran away from us rather than try it.

i'm not into forcefeeding children.

hanaboo · 20/10/2009 18:11

fair enough wasabi like i said i must have a very easy going child, (i realise it's mainly luck, not good parenting) and i really don't know what i would have done had she been funny with food. but like morloth said every family has to do whats right for them at the end of the day

PoisonToadstool · 20/10/2009 18:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

curiositykilled · 20/10/2009 18:37

Oh I would not have done that. Why did you reward him for silly behaviour? You don't force him or get angry or give him a dinner replacement, he just either eats it or doesn't and you are calm and kind. If you force him and get angry or make it a battle he won't want to eat things you make, if you do that and then give him what he wants he'll quickly learn that holding out and bullying you gets rewarded.

If he hasn't eaten any he doesn't know whether he likes it or not and if he is saying he doesn't, you just repeat the following every time he says 'don't like it' - "that's fine my love, if you really don't like it we won't make you eat it, we just want you to try it before you say that because if you haven't tried it you can't be sure. Which part are you worrying you won't like?"

Then you stick with that to build trust. You praise when they try some, you talk about the different things in the food and what it will help their body do i.e. carbohydrate to give you energy, protein to make you strong, vitamin A to help you see in the dark, iron to help your blood carry more oxygen and make you run faster. You let them off or let them reduce their portion size if they really don't like it and let them have pudding because they were good and tried some. You don't give them a replacement because a fussy, clever or controlling child learns to try a little then say they really don't like it to get another dinner.

Then you can build on it the next time by saying "remember when you thought you might not like x dinner? When you tried it you did like it and it was tasty, wasn't it?" That often helps them build confidence with putting something new in their mouths. Children often have anxiety about new things and often would prefer to eat the same favourite dinner every night. This is not terrible but they often need a little gentle needling and support to try something new.

Original poster

summerisover · 20/10/2009 19:17

it's all fine - he ate healthy dinner no problems tonight (pumpkin and cinnamon soup as mentioned before and lots of crusty bread and butter).
Grapes and yogurt for after.

Blip in the radar last night....just shocked....didn't know what to do as it generally doesn't happen...thanks for advice everyone...

OP posts:

UndeadLentil · 20/10/2009 20:38

Glad to hear it summer.

For the people who worry about the 'cruelty' of not offering alternatives ... there is no big issue unless the parent chooses to make a fuss about what is left on the plate.

Scrambled egg is our fast lunch in this house and DS and I love it. DD1 spat it out every time she had it (about every 2 weeks) from when she was weaned until she was nearly two. She never starved. She ate her toast, threw the egg on the floor and probably had a banana afterwards.

When she was nearly two she was so busy talking she forgot not to eat it and now egg in all its forms is one of her favourite things. DS1 has been the same with lettuce and spinach, converting because if it's there at some point you'll nibble enough of it to get a taste for it.

DD1 has never finished a pudding because although she loves the idea of them she doesn't really have a sweet tooth. She loves meat and DS is less fussed. They are like Jack Spratt and his wife. But what they get offered is the same meal and they eat what suits them from what is on offer.

I can't think of more than four things they don't like hannaboo. If there were six, I wouldn't be hysterical about it ...

But if your goal is to have them eating the same food as you, then persisting in offering the food that is eaten in your house has to be at the core of what you do.
I think 'offering' not imposing food is key really.

DS has woken up hungry maybe four times at night (he's nearly seven). He was given a cracker and a mild reminder that he wouldn't be hungry if he'd eaten his dinner. DD1 has never woken hungry as far as I can remember.

While I was typing last night, DS was flicking through the BBC Good Food magazine shouting out requests so I think it has been easier here because the children have never really been resistant to new flavours.

soopermum1 · 20/10/2009 21:02

If he's 2 then he might find sweet and sour chicken a bit 'sophisticated' in terms of taste. I remember hating anything in a sauce when I was little, especially a sweet sauce over a savoury dish. DS isn't a fussy eater at all, never has been (natural greed rather than parenting worth boasting about on my part)but, e.g if I'm making something like a stir fry, curry or anything like that (he;s not keen on spicy food which is fair enough for a child) I'll fry the meat and veg, take some out for him and serve it to him with the rice while I pour over the sauce for DH and I. Might be worth a shot next time if you think he might not like it. Healthy, no extra cooking and hopefully no waste.

a one off Cheerios blowout is not going to spoil him for life.

Caz10 · 20/10/2009 21:12

I think many of the above comments are v v sensible when dealing with children who are able to understand and reason with you, but the reason I am a bit is because the OP's dc was 2...imo a bit too young to have conversations about carb content! As I said dd is 22mths and no way would she understand many of the suggestions here.

morloth what we have done with her sounds very similar - there was a good long period where she was having 3 meals a day as well as her normal amount of b-feeds, gradually the bfs reduced and now I only feed her on waking and before bed. And I imagine that at some point she'll naturally start to prefer her brekkie to her bf 1st thing!

But if we have tea say at 5.30pm and she eats next to nothing, I am very uncomfortable putting her down to sleep at 8pm without anything else to eat. She might not have eaten at 5.30 for a variety of reasons - teething/tired/distracted/unsure of new food/different company at mealtime/whatever - who's to say she isn't hungry enough for a full meal at, eg, 7pm?

I never make a fuss when she doesn't eat a meal, I agree with those who say our job is to provide/offer rather than force. But equally when dealing with someone so small, I think it would be very unfair not to offer them something else (again just toast or whatever) a while later. I can't agree with people saying that someone of around 2 is being naughty or manipulative by not eating!

UndeadLentil · 20/10/2009 21:36

I think it was me who mentioned power. I meant it only in the sense that, around 2 or 2.5, children develop a sense of themselves as individuals who can exercise some control over their environment.

One key area is control over what goes into their bodies. So just as they experiment with clothes or climbing they start, to test the water, to experiment with seeing what happens when you turn down or eat food you are offered.

At 23 months, dd1 used to shout 'me drive the car' at me while I drove. She couldn't control that situation but she did have control over whether or not she had another bit of chicken. I chose not to make that an issue and gave her as much control as she wanted over other crucial matters like which shoe to put on first.

I didn't mean to say children were being manipulative at all. My mum holds this view and it is vile.

I do think different two-year olds will have totally different levels of understanding about this kind of thing and you have to use your judgement about your own child obviously.

We started off by just mentioning that certain foods help you to run faster or climb better and then stepped up the healthy eating message from there.

I offered sweets to dd1's dolly today and got told off. Apparently she should have had fruit or yoghurt.

Caz10 · 20/10/2009 21:44

Aaw bless undeadlentil that is sweet!

I understand completely what you mean re exercising control - although dd's favourite phrase atm is "I NOT!!" she also gets quite stressed and ratty if offered a choice - which to me says she is not quite ready for that.

I think I am a bit touchy re the manipulative thing - as an "extended" b-feeder I am on the constant receiving end of ridiculous comments from dhs family about the feeding and various other things!!

I like your approach about foods that help you run faster etc, will remember that!

hanaboo · 20/10/2009 21:47

it wasn't me who said about the amount of things they are allowed to not like... btw

Morloth · 20/10/2009 22:02

DS used to say "I will do it with myself!".

Dear god I am nostalgic for the toddler years!

UndomesticHousewife · 20/10/2009 22:15

He's 2, don't worry about it. He didn't want what you offered he ate something else.
He won't understand what's going on if you don't feed him because he should have eaten the dinner.
Make it into a big issue and they learn quickly what buttons to push to wind you up.
Having a 2 year old is hard enough, don't make it harder on yourself

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