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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to give ds cereal for dinner?

69 replies

summerisover · 19/10/2009 17:41

not sure if it is a phase he's going through but ds (2)normally very good at eating anything put down to him has been driving me round the bend with his dinner escapades tonight.

I'm not feeding him poison, I swear, but home made sweet and sour chicken and plain boiled rice. Took ages to cook (am annoyed at that too). Most has went in the bin as it has been offered to him twice now.

First there was a lot of head turning and spitting out. Also trying to get dd(3) to eat her dinner quickly in time to get ready for ballet. So in the end, before I lost it completely, ds was put in his cot (which he thought was a great game) while I calmed down and made sure dd ate some and got her dressed. dh took her to ballet while I got ds out the cot and tried giving him the same dinner again. Same tactics and screaming as if i'm doing something painful to him.

So in the end I gave up.

he's now quite happily eating a bowl of cheerios (without milk) on the floor....

I could scream..............

OP posts:

UndeadLentil · 19/10/2009 18:04

The same here Morloth.

It has never been a punitive thing ('There, now starve child till the morrow.')

More the 'no skin of my nose, never mind' kind of route others have mentioned.

Someone on here has a rule where the children are allowed four things to dislike and we kind of have that too.

DS doesn't like visible mushrooms or melon. DD1 is only slowly getting used to spice. DD2 isn't keen on cheese.

But I still make meals with those things in and they eat round them /add yoghurt/ chuck bits on the floor as appropriate.

The soup sounds lovely ...

UndeadLentil · 19/10/2009 18:05

x-post meemars

ChairmumMiaow · 19/10/2009 18:08

GoppingOtter - That's interesting.

I am not making a fuss about DS rarely eating a lot in one go as he seems to have a well developed appetite control mechanism. By that I mean if he is not hungry, he will refuse all food, even chocolate buttons! He eats little and often except when he is distracted from his hunger by being very busy, in which case he does eat more in one go.
I don't want to break that by encouraging him to eat huge meals, and like me, to learn to enjoy the feeling of being overfull.

BTW If DS doesn't want his dinner he gets something plain like toast, crackers or fruit before bed. At 3am he is too little IMO to understand that he is now starving hungry because he didn't eat his dinner and then to apply that to himself the next day. I'm sure others will disagree but that is my feeling.

Velvetbee · 19/10/2009 18:17

Don't beat yourself up.

We have a rule in our house, eat what you're given or have plain brown bread and butter. It's easy to make, fairly nutritious and filling yet not so appealing that they choose it over most dinners.

alana39 · 19/10/2009 18:25

I'd like to stick to the "eat what I give you or go hungry option" with DS2 who is 5 but that was starting to lead to him waking us up at 1am asking for food and throwing a massive strop if nothing was provided. Decided lesser of 2 evils is to offer a very limited (and healthy) replacement - basically an apple and some plain greek yoghurt, which helps to tide him over but is no effort for me so doesn't feel quite so much like caving in. Most importantly I now don't stress over it so much as I feel I have a plan that I can live with, so don't have to think up new ways of dealing with the problem when it arises. It helps that he doesn't do it quite so often any more.

GoppingOtter · 19/10/2009 21:23

feel inspired by this thread to do the 'no skin off my nose bit' do you let them leave the table ??(to those who implement this)

Morloth · 19/10/2009 21:30

We all at the table until everyone is finished (unless needing something else from kitchen etc). I know I sound like a hardarse about this, but it really isn't like that.

We talk about the food (hence I know what he likes/doesn't like), the day etc. Sometimes it is just me and DS at dinner through the week, but I still like to sit and eat with him.

I don't insist that he eat everything (or anything!), there are no arguments, I do ask him to try a new thing at least once (but as mentioned above he is a total garbage pail these days, I think it is because he burns so much). Puddings are a weekend treat and not dependant on eating all of dinner.

Its nice and is the way I was raised (hence why I do it!).

GoppingOtter · 19/10/2009 21:45

it would stop stresses as i see it Morloth

we have a 'no tv in week rule' which others may see asmean but again it prevents arguments....that's the rule - no point fighting it - actually then they dont iyswim

thanks for tips - will attempt implementation!

anonymous85 · 20/10/2009 13:51

I feel like Coco Pops.

I think it's not so bad, you were desperate at the time. I prob wouldn't allow it again though. We don't offer another alternative at home, and if she carries on no ice cream. We don't have ice cream every night though! Usually she eats and picks and picks and we repeate to eat it over and over and at the end when she's finally gotten to eat a decent amount and we're tired of reminding her to eat we go ok no ice cream time for bed.

hanaboo · 20/10/2009 16:36

totllay agree with morloth, thats what we do here too, from an extremely early age (fair enough, the only thing EVER that my dd didn't like is avocado) so was quite easy for me, but i'm convinced that had i let her NOT try things, she wouldn't have the tastes she has now.

i INSIST that she try's anything i give her, and she always likes it, as long as its not avocado. the first time i ever saw her spit food out!

Emprexia · 20/10/2009 16:50

not unreasonable at all.

I have a fussy eater.. Cheerios are a common form of dinner sustenance when i cant get him to eat anyhing else!

Emprexia · 20/10/2009 16:56

All of you "eat or go without" people.. thats insane.

I have a serious fussy eater and after many arguements, gnashing of teeth and finally a consultation with both the dentist and the Dr was told that at this age, just feed 'em what they'll eat and dont worry about it... just try and introduce new bits once in a while but dont get angry if they dont eat it.

hanaboo · 20/10/2009 17:12

nothings insane if it works for a lot of ppl, u just do what works for you.

Morloth · 20/10/2009 17:15

hanaboo DS hates hates hates fresh tomatoes. Really loathes them. Cooked/in a sauce not a problem, but not fresh. Fair enough I reckon.

It isn't insane UnexpectedWasabi, might have been insane for you to try it, but it certainly worked a treat here. I do what works and results in a calm and happy household (not just a happy kid).

As DS has never known there was another option he has never thrown a wobbly about it.

Caz10 · 20/10/2009 17:24

I can't believe that a 2yr old understands "eat or go hungry - my dd is 22mths and she would just be awake screaming at 1am with no idea why.

If she rejects what we give her at dinner I don't stress about it, but will always give her a "supper" later - cereal (boring wholegrain cornflakes normally), toast, yoghurt, banana whatever. That's because I don't want to be up in the night when I don't have to.

Might be different if your 2yr old is closer to 3 I suppose.

hanaboo · 20/10/2009 17:27

that's the thing, morloth, if they do find something they don't like, its not a problem because on the whole they have a very good and varied diet.
i have totally stress free dinnertimes and dd(4) is easy to take anywhere to eat

and its exactly as u say, she doesn't know of a different way of doing things, (this applies to most things not just eating) and so she accepts what i say to her i.e no meaning no and is a very happy child because she never expects more. as long as u stick to your guns its such an easy way of parenting

Morloth · 20/10/2009 17:28

Yep, path of least resistance is always my choice! Anyway, I need to go and cook dinner and get off this bloody computer.

Caz10 · 20/10/2009 17:35

At what age do people think they really understand that then?

haemomum · 20/10/2009 17:37

I can sympathise wth OP and I have in fact succumbed to the screams and given something my ds (19mo) likes. But last night he played up again, so dp and I had a discussion and decided he's big enough and eats enough now that we should starts the whole "eat what you're given or go without" attitude. As it turned out when we let ds calm down he genuinely didn't like what he had last night (fish pie which he's never eaten). He still messed about with his fruit salad (which he eats regularly for tea) so we employed the eat or don't approach and it worked. He realised he wasn't getting crisps or raisins and ate all of his food.
If the same happens again I would recommend trying this and not giving in, it does work, but you have to try to stay calm with it e Good luck!!

mistletoekisses · 20/10/2009 17:38

Am with Morloth and Prettyfly am afraid.

And I started the whole eat what is front of you a good few months ago and DS is 2.1.
I make no fuss if he doesnt eat, but he certainly gets nothing until his next snack/ mealtime. So far (touchwood)- it seems to work. The only exception obviously being when he is ill.

I tend to agree that cheerios would definitely be seen as reward....

hanaboo · 20/10/2009 17:40

honestly caz, i think it begins from day dot. for example, when u switch from breast to bottle, (dd was 4mnth btw) most baby's won't take it, but if u continue to not feed them breast, they eventually get hungry and drink enough to satisfy their hunger... no baby will starve itself. so basically drink milk or starve.

Emprexia · 20/10/2009 17:47

ok, insane isnt the right word, i just think its harsh on a 2yo.

Cheerios aren't a reward in this house, we save a specific food for that.

What we do is to give him a choice of this or that.. we know what he'll eat, he gets to choose and feels he has some control that way... since we started hat we havent had too much trouble.

The fights start when we try him with new things... ds is just unwilling to try... so we've left that in nurseries hands.. he eats stuff there he wont touch here.

hanaboo · 20/10/2009 17:52

don't u think that's because he knows u won't make him wasabi? my stepson eats everything here but is the most pickiest (is that a word?) child when at home with his mum. because he knows that daddy will make him and mummy won't, and most of the time after trying something he gobbles up the rest saying 'i didn't know it was nice' but then goes home and won't eat the same thing there? totally confusing. kids ay

overmydeadbody · 20/10/2009 17:56

YANBU to give cereal

But don't be too hard on him, he obviously didn't like the sweet and sour chicken.

Children need about 15 exposures to a new taste if they are not sure of it before they actually like it, so persevere.

If I was in this situation I would probably just offered some plain rice instead, and then some fruit, because I think at 2 he is too young for the whole "eat what I offer or nothing at all" rule.

I am of the school of thought that thinks children should be able to choose not to eat something if they don't like it, as long as they taste it.

ImSoNotTelling · 20/10/2009 17:57

I don't think making a child eat something is particularly great TBH. Eating and mealtimes should be enjoyable.

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