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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed with my MIL for giving my children sugary lollipops

56 replies

fimrie · 16/10/2009 16:08

My MIL came to stay recently. I took the children to school/pre-school and she left the house later to 'miss the traffic'. When we got back after school she had left them two very big, very sugary, very full of E numbers, lollipops on the kitchen table with a note to them saying that they could have them if they were good and ate their tea. They are 4 and 2, and declined to read the note. Instead, they were very excited and wanted to eat the lollipops straightaway. A big battle then commenced as I told them they couldn't have them until after tea. Lovely! Just what I wanted after a day at work - some quality time with my wailing children. Why could she have left a note for me, and left them somewhere out of sight??! Sometimes I find it amazing that she actually had children of her own. AAARGH!

OP posts:
ladymariner · 16/10/2009 23:15

agree - VU!!

IfYouCouldWouldYou · 16/10/2009 23:17

I took DD yesterday to see her grandad. He gave her 4 custard creams, a wagonwheel and a glass of irn bru (all before dinner) she was literally bouncing off the walls by the time we left, she had such a sugar high. ideally i wouldn't let her have that much in one hit. But as she doesn't see grandad vey often, i let him spoil her. it's a treat No big deal.

I can see why you are annoyed with the lollies being so big. but once in a while won't harm them.

bruffin · 16/10/2009 23:36

She was bouncing off the wall probably because she was excited and/or the caffeine in Irn Bru, not because of sugar.

Robert Winston did an experiment on Child of Our Time, using children whose parents claimed their children became hyperactive on sugar .

Took them to party showed parents all the sugary food, then actually fed them healthy alternatives, but it was an exciting party with lots of clowns and noise.

All the parents claimed their child had a sugar high afterwards.

Next week same children, this time parents shown healthy food but children fed high sugar foods and drinks, but a quiet calming party.

None of the parents would believe that their children had been eating sugar all afternoon.

Gracie123 · 17/10/2009 09:15

My MiL fed my 10month old a king size mars bar. At least yours had the decency to leave it in your hands.

Personally I would still be a bit p*ed of, but I'm sure you can just ask her not to do it again.

P.S. The sugar high is very real. I have an extremely active toddler who is generally quite well behaved if kept on a low GI diet. Give him some instant sugar and it's tears tantrums and crash asleep within an hour. NOT fun.

NanaNina · 19/10/2009 12:20

OK - cats among piegons time! I think the OPs comments about the lollies say more about her underlying feelings about her MIl than anything to do with lollies. I think many young mothers appear to "legitimise" their negative feelings about their MIL with stories like these. Now I am NOT saying that those negative feelings are not real or justified - I believe that feelings are facts, whatever they are and would not ever try to "evaluate" people's feelings.

I will now stand back and wait for the backlash and possible distortion/misinterpreation of this post but it will liven up a Monday morning maybe!

seaglass · 19/10/2009 12:38

NanaNina, I'll add more cats to those pigeons, and say to the OP - get a grip! An occasional sugary lolly is not going to kill your children (even an enormous one), it is a grandparents job to spoil their grandchildren.
It sounds like you are irritated with your MIL, but how would you have reacted if it had been your mother that left the lollies?
Your MIL may have different ideas than you about your children, but this doesn't make it a terrible thing to do, and it doesn't make it OK to have a go at her. Have a bit more respect for the fact that she loves your children, probably nearly as much as you love them, and it's OK that she wants to give them treats.
I just wish my MIL was still here to give my DC's treats!

gorionine · 19/10/2009 12:42

YANBU at all! I would have been very angry at the fact there wasn't one for me as well!

ellieloooooooooooooween · 19/10/2009 12:45

YABU did you not have lollipop's when you were little?, ok so they are huge but in reality will they eat them all, my DD would get bored about halfway through.

TrillianSlasher · 19/10/2009 12:46

Tell them the note said they had to share one and one was for you

ellieloooooooooooooween · 19/10/2009 12:46

LOL gorionine

Ineedmorechocolatenow · 19/10/2009 12:55

Chillax......

lilyjen · 19/10/2009 12:59

sugar highs are real! But YABU because as mum's we have to put up with this stuff..people always muck up our idealistic plans by being fun and that's why our kids love extended family lol!

ImSoNotTelling · 19/10/2009 13:05

YABU "bad foods" and "treats" sets up eating behaviour associations which can cause problems later.

Plus it is the law that grandparents stuff children full of sugar. That is what grandparetns are for.

You would only NBU if she was dishing them out every day and they came to expect them as a normal part of their diet.

DuelingFANGo · 19/10/2009 13:08

I really don't understand why people say 'it's the law for grandparents to stuff their children full of sugar'. I know my mum would never give any of her grandkids anything that their parents didn't want them to have, certainly she would ask first.

Many grandparents really are aware of the fact that some foods can be very bad for kids, and not least that shoveling sugary foods into children's mouths can cause problems for their parents who then have to deal with their kids getting manic and crazy from the sugar rush.

It 'ain't the law, it's something rude, uneducated and presumptious people do if you ask me.

Ohforfoxsake · 19/10/2009 13:15

A lolly from a grandparent once in a while really isn't anything to get your knickers in a twist about.

A king-size mars bar for a 10 month old is.

It was kind of her, she was being responsible by leaving a note. Give her a break.

"Sometimes I find it amazing she actually had children of her own." Unkind and over the top. Were they malnourished and do they still have their own teeth?

ImSoNotTelling · 19/10/2009 13:17

Good lord really?

My GPs always gave us cakes crumpets etc. We went to see them every sunday it was brilliant. Other granny lived further away and did us cupcakes and orange jelly without fail. She also had corona lemondae. DB and I remember all those things fondly.

Our teeth are fine and we weren't fat - we got lots of exercise in those days.

My parents give DD cakes and scones with homemade jam and stuff. Other granny bakes a lot and cakes are the order of the day.

As long as it's not habitual/all the time, I can't see the problem. It's sedentry children who get fat. Ones who are legging it around the place and growing like billy-o need stacks of calories to keep them going. The odd jam doughnut is not going to kill them. And if it means that granny gets the pleasure of offering them something that gets their eyes out on stalks then why not.

gorionine · 19/10/2009 13:20

I think for GP to have to ask the parents for anything is rude and presumptuous. What happened to commonn sense? I agree with ISNT, she gave them a big lollipop once, she is not force feeding them spoonfuls of sugar.

Presumably the MIL left the note for the OP, not for the children (even if stating with dear Tom & Lea. How hard is it to explain "Grandma says it was for after tea" take the lollies away and give them after tea? surely that is one of the less challenging parental decision anyone can wish for?

I do not know if MIL looks after the Dcs on a regular basis but this comment If OP really thinks that she should not let her MIL alone with her Dcs maybe. I do find ungrateful to accept MIL minding your Dcs when you are at work and then blurt out a comment like that for a couple of lollypops!

LynetteScavo · 19/10/2009 13:20

Oh fimrie, I would be annoyed too.

YANBU.

Now mine are older, I have learned to just give in, let them eat the bloody lolipop or what ever, and accept they won't eat their tea.

I feel your pain.

LynetteScavo · 19/10/2009 13:24

For what it's worth I think you are getting a really hard time here, firmie.

Romanarama · 19/10/2009 13:33

I'd be annoyed too. I always ask mil to bring stickers or something, not biscuits, when she's round at 5pm. She always ignores me. DCs love her though, bless'em

fairypurple · 19/10/2009 13:49

Sugar and colourings make my 7 yr old daughter hyperactive and my MIL knows this ever since she was weaned. The MIL still plies both my children with sweets, biscuits and cakes - even bringing up sugar cake decorations for some reason. In fact, one day I had left early for work, my husband discovered she was giving our children chocolate eggs for breakfast. Yes that's right. Chocolate eggs. They "needed eating" aparently. My MIL knew she was in the wrong as she begged my husband not to tell me... so he rang me up laughing to tell me!
But don't get me started on the subject of MIL... there aren't enough pages on the internet for me!

suecy · 19/10/2009 13:56

Going back to what the OP said at the bottom of page 1......

YABVVU to expect a 2 year old to be able to brush her own teeth properly! FGS woman - dentists reccomend doing them until kids are 7. And you do sound annoyed that your 2 year old can't master this task!

shockers · 19/10/2009 14:10

God bless my MIL! She always checks with us first to see if treats she's brought are suitable. She does this because she has witnessed the effect aspartamane (not sure of spelling)had on my dd first hand!!

LynetteScavo · 19/10/2009 17:10

suecy...my 4 year old is very, very bad at brushing her teeth. By that I mean she wriggles and squirms and clenches her teeth together, not that she has a poor technique.

I don't think it's the lollies frimie has a prblem with, I think it's the tantrum her DC's had when she said they had to wait.

NanaNina · 19/10/2009 17:15

I think Firmie has a problem with her MIL not the lollies!

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