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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think it OTT to send a 6 year old to the headteacher for a scuffle/fight?

72 replies

SingleMum01 · 14/10/2009 19:07

Right, let me give you the full story. My DS came out of school today, hardly able to breathe, really upset and unable to talk. His teacher said he and another boy (both boys are fairly gently and not fighters) had had a fight in the cloakroom and my DS started it. I asked my DS what had happened, but he was so upset he was unable to talk.

After we got home and he calmed down he told me his version of what had happened. He was singing in the cloakroom and the other boy punched him for singing (which is unlike this boy as far as I'm aware, my DS says he isn't usually like that). Anyway, the other boy punched my DS again and then my DS had had enough so kicked him, then the other boy punched my DS again. One teacher then came into the cloakroom and saw my DS on the floor, and the other boy told her my DS started it. Now I know I wasn't there so didn't see what happened and I don't live in cloud cuckoo land and believe my DS is a complete angel. Neither did any teachers see what happened. However, my DS is really in a state about going to school tomorrow as the teacher has told him he's got to see the headteacher.

I've never been told of him hitting/fighting any other children. I know my son and he is generally gentle and I'm sure I would know if he was a hitter/kicker. If his version is true, part of me thinks good on you for sticking up for yourself (although I know the teachers wouldn't like you to say that). So I've told him if someone hits him he needs to tell the teachers then he can't be blamed for something he hasn't done.

But it also seems over the top if he has to go the headteacher for one incident rather than the teacher dealing with it, as I've never been called into the school or been told he's hurt anyone before. Plus there have been incidents when my DS has been hit and I know the child who did that didn't have to go to see the headteacher.

He's also told me he won't be having his golden time on Friday (where they get to play rather than do lessons). I think that's fair enough punishment for kicking back but to see the headmaster seems OTT.

What are others opinions?

OP posts:
Original poster
SingleMum01 · 14/10/2009 20:07

Thanks HumphreyCobbler - that's exactly how he was when he came out of school.

OP posts:
Morloth · 14/10/2009 20:08

If your kid is being regularly smacked in the face and bitten then you definitely need to get up there and start yelling. That isn't OK either.

Ripeberry · 14/10/2009 21:05

Normal in our village school. Even the parents are scared of the Headmistress

MadBadandDangerousToKnow · 14/10/2009 21:11

The school's response seems proportionate to me.

ChunkyMonkeysMum · 14/10/2009 21:18

Is the other boy being made to see the Head as well ?

JanJanJanJan · 14/10/2009 21:25

Hi, Tell your child not to worry about this matter. It will be standard practice to set an example to the ones involved and to put the fear of god into other classmates for future reference. He will be worrying all night and in the morning also but just explain that the teacher will want to explain right from wrong. On the other hand, if your child has been pushed etc previously and nothing has been mentioned it is most probable that no one has noticed or been made aware of the situation, make sure you tell them of any instances that take place. I personally would tell them in writing rather than verbally as they have to keep a record. My eldest daughter is 23 and I had a hell of a time with her at school with bullying and it wasnt until I wrote letters of complaints that action was taken. Good Luck and try not to lose any sleep over it.

JanJanJanJan · 14/10/2009 21:25

Hi, Tell your child not to worry about this matter. It will be standard practice to set an example to the ones involved and to put the fear of god into other classmates for future reference. He will be worrying all night and in the morning also but just explain that the teacher will want to explain right from wrong. On the other hand, if your child has been pushed etc previously and nothing has been mentioned it is most probable that no one has noticed or been made aware of the situation, make sure you tell them of any instances that take place. I personally would tell them in writing rather than verbally as they have to keep a record. My eldest daughter is 23 and I had a hell of a time with her at school with bullying and it wasnt until I wrote letters of complaints that action was taken. Good Luck and try not to lose any sleep over it.

Original poster
SingleMum01 · 14/10/2009 21:30

Thanks JanJanJan. I went to the school on the after the 3rd smack to the face and saw the teacher who said she would speak to the boy concerned, nothing was mentioned of the headmaster then. So I presumed it wasn't standard practice to go to the head which is why I'm more concerned for my DS.

PS there have been no more smacking incidents.

OP posts:
ChunkyMonkeysMum · 14/10/2009 21:32

SingleMum01 - Is the other boy being made to see the head as well, or just your DS ??

Original poster
SingleMum01 · 14/10/2009 21:36

I'm not sure, but I'd expect so as the teacher said they'd both been fighting but my DS started it. The teacher hasn't told me they've got to see the head, my DS told me.

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diddl · 14/10/2009 21:41

Well if punching & kicking doesn´t get you sent to the headteacher, I would be wondering what does.

ladymariner · 14/10/2009 21:47

standard procedure in our school too.

piscesmoon · 14/10/2009 22:37

I would have serious doubts about the school if physical violence didn't get a DC sent to the Head.

jasper · 14/10/2009 22:45

singlemum don't stress about this but be very glad that your son IS worried about seeing the head.

THe kids who are unfazed by authority figures are the ones to worry about

slowreadingprogress · 14/10/2009 22:58

agree with diddl and pisces - of course they should be sent to the head for fighting in school....hopefully it will be a good thing all round and they'll think more carefully in future about lashing out physically/retaliating. They really do have to learn this and if some of that learning is by being sent to the head then that's useful on the part of the school.

piscesmoon · 15/10/2009 08:49

Above all-it worked. He was really upset, he understands that it is unacceptable in school and he will think twice before he does it again. A few words from the teacher-when she is trying to teach the whole class-isn't going to give such a strong message. Missing golden time on Friday is so far ahead for a DC that age that they may well have forgotten why they are missing it.

Original poster
SingleMum01 · 15/10/2009 09:07

OK, now I've got the full story from the other kids who witnessed the incident. One of the parents of the witnesses said their child said it was horrendous. My DS was singing in the cloakroom, the other boy punched my DS 4 times until he fell to the ground. My DS then kicked him as he couldn't get away from the attack.

Are opinions that he still should be punished?

OP posts:
Original poster
SingleMum01 · 15/10/2009 09:08

PS then the other boy lied and said my DS started it

OP posts:
Original poster
SingleMum01 · 15/10/2009 09:08

PPS I noticed my boy went to the school to face the music but the other boy hasn't

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MissAnneElk · 15/10/2009 09:17

I don't think having to see the head teacher is necessarily a punishment. the head teacher will want to know what happened. It's your DS's opportunity to tell her exactly what did happen.

A boy in DDs class was making nasty comments to her the other day. She came home very upset about it and had been upset at school too. She had told the teacher what happened and she was sent for the next day by the head teacher. Not for punishment, but for a chat. The boy concerned was isolated for two days. DD was happy.

piscesmoon · 15/10/2009 09:18

I think it is definitely an occasion where the Head needs to see both boys and any witnesses. The class teacher simply hasn't got the time-the Head has.

Original poster
SingleMum01 · 15/10/2009 09:21

Thanks, Miss Anne and piscesmoon - I had a quick word with one of his teachers this morning. Do you think I should ring and speak to the head or leave it and speak to the teacher at end of school?

OP posts:
starwhoreswonaprize · 15/10/2009 09:26

I think the school is right, it is very harsh to know that your child is worried and you must feel really upset for him. Hopefully this will be the first and last time at the Head's office and next time he will find a teacher before retaliating. I wouldn't punish him harshly at home but I would be careful not to undermine the school.

Take Care.

Reallytired · 15/10/2009 09:30

It maybe that the head teacher want to see your son to find out exactly what has been happening. Especially if he is a victim of persistant bullying.

"My DS was singing in the cloakroom"

It would be interesting to know quite what that means. Was he taunting the other boy or was just spectularly irritating? Prehaps your son provoked the other boy quite hard.

Quite often with six year olds its six of one and half a dozen of the other.

Little boys often fight and head teachers spend most their time telling off small boys.

Original poster
SingleMum01 · 15/10/2009 10:58

Do you think I ought to leave it to the school now then to deal with it? I'm quite happy for my child to be dealt with for kicking in retaliation as long as he's dealt with fairly and doesn't take the brunt of the punishment.

Although personally I think fair enough for fighting back - of course I wouldn't say that to my DS!

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