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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to get sick of people asking if my baby is mine?

31 replies

Hangingbellyofbabylon · 13/10/2009 23:13

dd3 was born at the end of August. I am a size 22 but still looked very very pregnant before the school hols and it was obvious - fat people generally don't have massive bumps like that, don't waddle as much and don't (hopefully) nearly puke in the school playground most days due to forever-morning sickness. . It is possible to be fat and pregnant and if I ever get that shape just through being pregnant I would be off to the docs to see what was growing in my belly.

Since start of school in September I have had someone come up to me nearly every day and ask me 'is that baby yours? I didn't even know you were pregnant'. It is starting to really piss me off. How rude is that? Today a random mum who I remember having a conversation with about being pregnant asked me the same thing. I just know that if I was skinny no-one would ask and if they just opened their eyes it would be damn obvious that I was pregnant.

Besides, do you think if she wasn't mine I would be looking like a sleep-deprived desperado at all times? Getting my 3 dd's out the house for the school run is hard enough without these rude people.

OP posts:

famishedass · 13/10/2009 23:16

Aw I don't think they mean to be unkind - they probably just want to peak at the new baby and say a few words.

Don't read too much into it and congratulations!

benjysmum · 13/10/2009 23:25

Smile really brightly and say "why, have you lost yours?"

salbysea · 13/10/2009 23:34

you could take it as a compliment - as in people dont think your weight has increased?

sazm · 13/10/2009 23:38

lol,i had a few people who didnt realise i was pregnant either, im a size 20 and i avoided the nursery run for a few months as i was SO ill and had spd too,my sister dropped my lo off,
so i turned up one day with a baby and half the folks there didnt know i was pregnant!

Scotia · 13/10/2009 23:42

Whispers Someone asked if ds2 was my son or my grandson the other day I didn't know whether to laugh or cry.

Morloth · 14/10/2009 14:44

Wait until baby is 2 and having a tantrum, then say "No, I am just the Nanny".

I do this all the time cause the boy sounds like a pommy and I have an Australian accent.

Broke · 14/10/2009 14:48

I was dead skinny and still some people didn't notice until I turned up with DD in a pram, people are in their own little worlds most of the time.

tulpe · 14/10/2009 15:07

YANBU

When I had DS1 I was 29 but people always mistook me for younger. Therefore, the assumption was always that I was DS1's nanny - not helped by fact that DS1 looks nothing like me but is spitting image of DH.

I know you should be tolerant of people asking but actually you get worn down with it and frankly it can get hurtful.

fernie3 · 14/10/2009 15:44

dont worry when I had my first people asked me if she was mine because I have red hair and she doesnt (seriously)

The best one was when I had my second he was early and was only 5 pounds he seemed teeny next to my giant 2.5 year old. I had them i a big side by side double and a woman asked me with a totally serious expression - is that a doll?

people say odd things when they see a new baby!

skihorse · 14/10/2009 15:48

I like benjy's response!

skihorse · 14/10/2009 15:49

If asked to elaborate you could explain you were part of a top-secret NHS experiment to discover whether larger women could get pregnant and you had to have a LOT of sex.

Mybox · 14/10/2009 15:53

I get asked if all my kids are mine! & if they have the same father!!!! Ignore the stupid comments.

sprogger · 14/10/2009 15:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

StrawberrySam · 14/10/2009 16:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ShowOfHands · 14/10/2009 16:03

I was out with MIL and dd the other day and somebody referred to MIL as dd's mum. MIL corrected them and the woman went off on one about teenage mothers. I'm nearly 29. DD is 2.

In conclusion, there are a minority of people out there that fail to engage requisite elements of their brain before switching onto transmit.

kys · 14/10/2009 16:06

Dont assume it's because of your size, some people just don't notice whats happening around them. I'm a size 10 but when i had my ds my next door neighbour asked if we'd adopted cause she hadnt noticed me pregnant!!

sweetkitty · 14/10/2009 16:08

People just open their mouths sometimes without engaging their brains.

I had newborn floppy headed DD2 a few weeks old in the pram with 18 month old sitting up, bunches in her hair DD1 and got asked quite a few times if they were twins.

Also "what's his name?" to my dressed in pink DD, when I said "HER name is X?" "what's his name" "she is a GIRL called X" oh she looks like a boy

Take heart if you were skinny people would comment on your tiny neat bump and "are you sure you are 8 months pregnant?" as if to imply you are not eating to starve your baby, a big bump you will get comments also about having a huge baby, you cannot win.

I'm 11 weeks with no 4 and have 3DDs already so am waiting for all the "trying for a boy?" comments.

Trikken · 14/10/2009 16:11

ive had similar to you, ShowOfHands when ds had to have his jabs I asked my mum to take us to the doctors as I cant drive, so she came in with us too, and even though I was holding him the nurse kept calling my mum 'mum', I had to say "He's mine actually."

stillstanding · 14/10/2009 16:16

I would take that as a great compliment, showofhands and trikken. Lucky, lucky you!!

ShowOfHands · 14/10/2009 16:19

I look every day of my nearly 29 years and then some though.

Trikken · 14/10/2009 16:23

I think I look my age, which at the time was 21 but my mum does look young for her age tho.

curiositykilled · 14/10/2009 16:32

YANBU to get sick of ppl asking but YABU to expect everyone to have noticed you were pregnant. As lots of others have said, lots of people don't notice what's really obvious and to be fair IMO a big bump would be more noticeable in someone who is a size 10 than in someone who is a size 22. Everyone gets sick of something like this - mine are constantly repeating that my (probably) boy/girl twins are not going to be identical and that having four children doesn't necessarily mean DH will be 'getting done'...

iwascyteenagewerewolf · 14/10/2009 16:32

sweetkitty, congratulations!

OP: IME people say all sorts of stupid crap about pregnancy/birth/babies. Just ignore. Or roll your eyes and ignore, if it gets too annoying

MonstrousMerryHenry · 14/10/2009 16:37

Umm...at the risk of sounding un-pc, I think it is harder to spot a pregnancy in larger women; clearly you notice every little change in your body because it's your body. Nobody else applies the same microscopic powers of investigation to your bod, so if people are making those comments because they couldn't tell you were preg, I understand it being hurtful and am sorry for your hurt if that's the case, but I don't think that's an unreasonable mistake for others to make.

mathanxiety · 14/10/2009 16:45

If your baby was born at the end of the summer, people probably just forgot you were pg and got on with their lives. I'm assuming these remarks are not coming from people you're particularly friends with, just casual acquaintances.

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