to be annoyed at the way Stephen Gatley's husband is being referred to in the press

[Dragonfly73]

I saw the sad news that Stephen Gately had died. I was never a fan of the music but i think it is always terribly sad when someone so young passes away. I do remember being quite impressed with him when he "came out" as he had a lot to lose by way of screaming teenage fans etc.

Anyway, was just watching the BBC and they kept referring to his husband as his "civil partner".

Am i being unreasonable to be a bit enraged by this? They had a commitment ceremony and as soon as they were legally able to formed a civil partnership under the law. My DH and I had a civil wedding with no religious overtones at all. If i were to die tomorrow would anyone call him anything less than my husband or my widower?

It just seemed to me that by referring to him as his "civil partner" they were diminishing the relationship somehow and making it distinct from a "normal" marriage partnership. Would it so offend BBC viewers to recognize the man as his husband.

Anyway, i am interested in peoples thoughts. Depending on how it goes i may just write the BBC a strongly worded letter!

Rocky, I would say that your point was overthinking it really, to me a couple who undertake a contract with respect to their life together in law are married and can choose the use the husband/wife title if they see fit.
Making it different depending on whether they have married someone of the same sex or not 1 over complicates the situation and 2 makes out that same sex legal coupling (whatever you call it) is not the same as a hetrosexual marraige when it clearly is exacatly the same!

sad about stephen gately.dreadful news for his partner and family

I have a civil partner and I would be furious if anyone referred to her as my wife. We don't all want to mimic heterosexual marriages. The BBC used the correct terminology.

yabu, they say civil partner because he was

Civil Partner is correct. The term 'Husband' just dosent seem right at all.

He is a civil partner, technically. Some couples want to be called wife/wife, or husband/husband, but others (like cockles) don't. It's hard to know whether the couple would prefer it or not, so I'd probably use the correct legal term so as not to offend.

Elton John called him his partner in his statement of condolence.

I don't think using the term diminishes necessarily.

Why Squishabelle?

What is a husband and what is it about a same sex partnership that makes it become wrong?

Cockles, that is fine and your choice. I didn't say that everyone did want to mimic hetrosexual marriages, just that everyone should have the option to use the term if they wanted to!

As someone else said it just sounds so odd.

Cockles, I am certain there are hetero spouses that don't wish to be referred to as husband or wife too.

You don't know how the statement to the press went it could have called him that.

The C4 news just now was disgusting. 30 seconds about the fact that he had died and 5 minutes talking about the fact that he was Gay. So much for equality !

Some papers are calling him his husband.

In my mind, a marriage is a man and a woman so husband and wife, whereas same sex commitment ceremonies are civil partnerships and therefore civil partners.

I am sure it isn't bothering the family what he is being called.

heteronormativity

Of course people should be able to use the term 'wife' or 'husband' if they want to (just as married heterosexual couples should be able to use partner if they wish).

Is it something about the word 'civil' it just sounds cold and formal. I am in a heterosexual relationship and I call him my partner, there is no other word for it really. At least it indicates being together, being a team and so on.
Very sad about Stephen Gately, his partner probably doesn't give a shit how he is referred to in the news atm

Squish, I find that quite depressing tbh. He is a man - just the same as the husband in a hetro marriage is a man... he has made a legal commitment to his partner - the same as a man in a hetro marriage so the only thing about it that could make it "not sound right" is that fact that the person he is commiting to is a man.

I find that very sad and a little bigotted tbh - what sex the partner is should not really affect what title he can use should it?

i think it is incredibly sad that gay people can't get married.

Hopefully it will be changed.

marraige isnt necessarily the zenith of a relationship,not all gay or straight people want to be married

SM, I am sure they don't, I was just saying that, if they did want to they should be able to.

I don't want to start a rumour, but I heard it was the poppers.

I'm shocked and sad he's dead. Can't believe it. ONLY 33. He seemed very likeable whenever he was interviewed.

yes there should be parity and equality regardless of sexual orientation

I have just looked up the definition of 'husband' on several online sites. Most say a 'husband' is a man to whom a woman is married.

if it was Amyl nitrite they can have rare but fatal contraindications

Yes, that is the outdated meaning, it has not been updated since there was a shift in thinking which meant that same sex couples could be considered commited to each other for life - I think it came some time just this side of the Victorian era

agree.dictionaries dont always reflect fluid social opinion