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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I don't want to look after my cousin's 5 kids on the october break

71 replies

Jennylee · 10/10/2009 11:09

I am pregnant, feel sick a lot, need to nap every day, have a 14 month old and a 10 year old. She is doing a nursing degree, has 5 kids from age 6-12. they don't behave well, they don't all eat the same thing. they make my 10 year odl act more wild when he is with them, they crowd my toddler. sometimes when they leave they nick small stuff my boy has. it would be form 7.30 in the morning untill 5-6 evening apart from wednesday. also she dropped one off this week who was sick with fever and cough after asking by text, I don't like to offend but I was livid. now her 11 year old is ill with it. I used to watch them for her when I only had ds, but now can't cope with it and it hangs over me and stresses me out. when dd was a few week old she wanted me to watch them for 5 days I didn't and she was all offended. No one else can help her. when I was at uni and had sick child I stayed home.

OP posts:
Original poster
Jennylee · 10/10/2009 13:11

lol I'll have to find that thread. she's not hard up. I know a lot of people are when they are single, but having 5 ups the income so she has a lot of savings, just bought a 500 quid tv yesterday and got sky last week, she can bring granny easily if she would come. I want her to so I don't have to feel guilty (bad me)

OP posts:
Original poster
Jennylee · 10/10/2009 13:13

just having one would not help her she woudl have the others still, only the 2 girls of 10 and 12 are tolerable, sometimes.

OP posts:
Mybox · 10/10/2009 13:13

If she's not asked you yet get in there first with a request for her to take your kids all day everyday. Say it's doctors orders - make something up about having to be on bed rest. WHen she says no there's no way she can ask you to take her kids.

purepurple · 10/10/2009 13:15

Just tell her no.
She will get over it eventually.

freakname · 10/10/2009 13:17

oops I'm sorry. What I meant was theres potential for a thread about that topic iyswim. Sort of thing people are bound to have very strong opinions about!

Original poster
Jennylee · 10/10/2009 13:19

lol okay know what you mean

OP posts:
freakname · 10/10/2009 13:21

You don't need to even say doctor's orders. LOL It is perfectly feasible that looking after 7 children whilst pregnant is a bit toooo much (for anyone).

diddl · 10/10/2009 13:23

You have to say no.

I only have two & I´m not pregnant, but I couldn´t cope with 5 more in the house.

Even if they were well behaved!!

I might be able to take 2 if there were 2 who got on well with my two, iyswim.

You need to think of yourself & baby.

mumeeee · 10/10/2009 13:27

YABU. Just say no and that you are not feeling up to looking after 7 children because you are pregnant and not very well at the moment. Actually you don't have to explain.just say you can't do it.

mumeeee · 10/10/2009 13:27

Sorry I meant YANBU.

NeedCoffee · 10/10/2009 13:49

Well at least you have an advantage where you know shes going to ask-let the whole family (so she hears) know that you have got a lot on over the holidays before she asks, like maybe going on hol for a few days or staying with friends, so she knows you're busy before she can even ask.

TracyK · 10/10/2009 14:01

If the whole family knows everyone elses business - just let them all know that you aren't going to do it - it'll get back to her pretty fast and then she won't even bother asking you.

Is your half term not next week? She's cutting it a bit fine!

Is there not local leisure centres doing half term things? Even our local 'posh' hotel/leisure centre has full days activities on 3 days a week.

IsItMeOr · 10/10/2009 14:09

YANBU! Why would anybody even think this was a reasonable ask? Although, seeing what your dad is already doing for her, perhaps your extended family is a bit weird different to mine.

I like the way TracyK is thinking - use the family grapevine to your own advantage .

And it really doesn't matter to you how she sorts HER childcare problem. You won't be doing it, and it's her responsibility to sort it out.

RenderedSpeechless · 10/10/2009 14:10

No way AYBU. i think this is far too much for one person to take on - never mind someone who is pregnant and has children of their own. on a practical level it will be difficult to co-ordinate for all the resons that you have mentioned - and more.

even going out will be difficult, unless you have an 8-seater car. your home will be over-run and this is way more than you need or can manage. i dont think you should make or give your cousins any excuses or reasons though. if she asks, simply but politely, say "sorry, i cant" and leave it as that. her potentially throwing a strop should not force you to take on her children.

good luck, let us know how you get on.

Original poster
Jennylee · 10/10/2009 16:38

I will let you know how we get on for sure

OP posts:
chegirl · 10/10/2009 16:49

I am pg with no 5. I decided to have this hoard of kids and I would not expect anyone else to have all of them! I would definately not expect anyone who was pg to look after them.

YANBU she is. She knows she is but is pushing her luck.

It must be hard for her to manage her studies and her kids but TBH that is not your responsibility and you have already done more than enough.

Dont feel bad about it.

lovegalway · 10/10/2009 17:07

Don't do it, your cousin is"hard up" and then has children. Women do have a choice

katiestar · 10/10/2009 17:30

OMG YANBU at all !!
Not sure if a playscheme would accept the 12 yo and round here playschemes are pretty darned expensive.I think a nanny would probably be the cheapest thing for her sometimes someone on a childcare course at FE college is a good solution. ?
Also can students claim for childcare ?

6feetundertheGroundhogs · 10/10/2009 17:36

Ooh, i feel another RenderedSpeechless kind of thread.... another 100% YANBU...

NOOOO, you have way too much going on to look after her rabble brood.

Decide on your reason, and stick to it. BP is a good one. She can't argue with it. If she does, and the relationship falls by the way side, seems hardly much of a loss really...

Be strong, be firm!

davidbowie · 10/10/2009 17:38

Say no - it sounds like you would get lumbered when she gets her degree and starts work! Best to put a stop to it now - she will have to rely on childcare.

Glob · 10/10/2009 20:43

It's a big thing to ask, and she stayed with you for 6 months? You really have gone above and beyond already. If it was me I'd use the forewarning to my advantage. Next time you see her get in there first - tell her how hard it is with 2 and being pregnant (and add in for good measure "I just don't know how you do it with 5"). She would have to be heartless to then ask you to take them. Mind you, that only works if she doesn't text you the request first.

WingedVictory · 10/10/2009 21:00

Well said, everyone. Jennylee, you "can't". Not "won't", but physically can't. You have tried before, so you know what you're talking about; it's worse now, with being pregnant, and you just can't. Sorry.

Well whoever pointed out that doing things for family can work for you, not just against you (sorry haven't scrolled back through to look for your name)

peacock19780 · 10/10/2009 21:16

I think TotallyandUtterly advice spot on.

Make excuses and don't worry if it seems a little feeble as you are allowed when preg and it actually wouldn't be a bad thing to make her think twice about your lack of desire to have them...

For future arrangements, perhaps you can suggest that you look after one or two of them (if you are able) - the two that play well with yours and suggest she farms the rest out individually.

Who the f could ever look after 7 kids even without being pregnant!!?!!!!???

HSMM · 10/10/2009 21:28

Say, "Haven't you seen the news recently? Ofsted won't let me!"

hercules1 · 10/10/2009 21:30

I'd make some obvious pathetic excuse so you won't ever be asked again.

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