Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Pale mixed race baby raising a few eyebrows......

91 replies

angelz · 05/10/2009 14:28

My ds was born 3 months ago and surprised us all by coming out extremly pale with straight red hair, despite having a black father.

I myself am VERY pale, so found it more amusing than shocking as I know how funny genetics can be.

But lately my partner has said that while he loves our ds he is finding it hard as he cannot see himself, or any of his family in ds.

He has even mentioned a paternity test, and while I know in his heart he knows how ridiculous this is, he says sometimes he can't digest what he sees before his eyes.

Has anyone else had similar experiences?.... will our ds darken, or is it really possible that a mixed race baby can stay this white? Even his little ears have a pinkish hue, and his eyelids are almost see through!

Personally I would never have thought it an issue, but can see why my partner may struggle a little with it, people already have given us a few funny looks when I introduce him as ds's father

OP posts:
Original poster
angelz · 16/04/2011 12:19

Just wanted to update - when DS was around 2 months we did a paternity test (after some quite 'tense' discussions), which obviously showed his son was HIS son. It was v. hurtful at the time and something I don't think I'll ever truly forget but I came to realise that his relationship with his son was paramount and what ever issues I had with it could be worked out separately. And despite a few rocky months we came through it, paternity tests, silent reflux, sleepless nights and all. Our son is now 21 months, whiter than snow with a beautiful ginger afro.

3 months ago I gave birth to a black haired, browned eyed dark skinned baby girl who couldn't look less like me or her brother. Just goes to show genetics, not parents are in control of what our babies look like and we should learn to embrace that and not be so arrogant as to expect or want them to be carbon copies of us.

Both our children are beautiful, both are ours, but I know we'll get a few questions in the future, but I really don't care, it really just ain't anyone else's business!

OP posts:
fedupofnamechanging · 16/04/2011 12:59

Thank you for the update angelz. Congratulations on your new baby

Greythorne · 16/04/2011 13:07

Thx for the update. I admire you that you
Put your dh's needs for reassurance before your own need to be trusted. I mean that (not being sarcastic).

Sometimes on MN everyone is so quick to say, "your dh is a bastard, leVe him, how dare he accuse you of infidelity" and they forget that real loving yet flawed relationships are behind posts such as this.

chrisonabike · 16/04/2011 13:08

I LOVE updates after such a long time. Thanks Angelz, I hope DH was suitably contrite!

LDNmummy · 16/04/2011 13:09

I am a mixed heritage person and you would NEVER think I or my siblings or our mother is West African. I have thick curly hair but that is it. And we had some red hair as children. I am actually curious as to what my LO is going to look like because even though my DP is African/ Carribean, we are both mixed and my LO could look like anyone from our family's history or have a genetic throw back (I think that is what it is called).

I understand your DP's feelings but he is being quite ignorant IMO. You DS may darken over time, that is generally what happens. My siblings and I outgrew our red tinted hair and it got curlier and thicker. Our features also started to show more as we hit puberty and had growth spurts. Loads of mixed heritage children are born looking 'white' (with really pale skin and light coloured hair) and they change skin tone and hair colour as they grow. My friend is blonde and her son had blonde streaks through his hair up until recently.

LDNmummy · 16/04/2011 13:11

Oh sorry jus realised how old this thread is Grin

That is a wonderful story OP and congratulations on both your DC!

Glad you worked it all out Smile

HecateQueenOfTheNight · 16/04/2011 13:14

Envy I had everything crossed during both of my pregnancies for a ginger afro. Red hair runs in my family, as do green eyes and I really hoped for dark skin, green eyes and a flaming auburn afro.

Never mind, my lads are gorgeous just the way they are.

Glad it's all sorted. It must be very hurtful that your husband could doubt your faithfulness, but at least you have proven it to him. It's just sad that you had to.

FAB5 · 16/04/2011 13:17

I read the OP and knew I had read it before so checked the date. It is great to read the update and congratulations on the birth of your new baby.

FWIW I know of a white couple who have a child with olive skin and dark hair and one who is very pale and has red hair. Genetics are interesting and confusing at times. I have 3 children and they are carbon copies of dh and I mixed together whereas my half siblings look nothing like me.

lazylula · 16/04/2011 13:28

My neighbours have 2 grown up children, she is black and her dh is white. Both the children are pale skinned, fair haired and blue eyed. The boy does have (or did as a small child) afro hair.

lazylula · 16/04/2011 13:30

Oops, must read whole thread and look at dates before responding! Blush

oldraver · 16/04/2011 13:38

I know two mixed race couples who have one light and one darker child. One couple the mother is Asian and the father very pale white haired, lashes and eyebrows they have two daughters each one taking after a parent

Another couple the Dad is black and the mother very blonde bright blue eyes. One sone you would know as 'mixed race' but the other son is very pale, blue eyed and light brown haired

Jaquelinehyde · 16/04/2011 13:40

Hurrah glad to hear such a positive update!

My 3 mixed DC (black african and white british) are all different colours with the youngest being as white as me from birth up until now (nearly 4)

I often catch people looking at DP sympathetically as if to say 'look she has obviously fathered someone elses child yet he has stayed with her.'

I love it and so do they, it generates some fab conversations about why people are different. The dc's are 6, 5, and 4 and I can't wait to see what dc number 4 brings whenever we decide to have him/her. Grin

TotemPole · 16/04/2011 13:48

Congratulations and glad to hear it's worked out.

There have been cases where mixed race parents produced twins, one black, one white.

dm link 1
dm link 2

BeaMoaning · 16/04/2011 13:55

My uncle is black and has two very pale skinned sons, one has blonde hair and the other has red.

goingroundthebend4 · 16/04/2011 14:14

Love Reading these storys ds1 and ds2 dad is Italian I'm a red head typical celt look .ds1 looks Italian but ds2 well at 14 he is loads darker than his dad jetblack hair and eyes looks more Arabic or even Asian b than from the med countrys

which always raises comments but his dad is sardian and when you look at the history of the island it's had it's share of Arabic.north African invasions

beingsetup · 16/04/2011 14:17

What colour are the ears? Babies darken as they get older. 3 of mine were born white with straight hair and got darker, one was born dark and stayed dark.

I get some looks as one is still much lighter than the others, but facially they are very similar.

thatwouldbeanecumenicalmatter · 16/04/2011 14:39

Congratulations on your baby girl! Grin

I'm mixed race, my kids are mixed race (one dark hair/eyes and other red hair blue eyes) - I took DS1 out to the shops when he was 6 months old a nun looked in the pram and the way she talked to me (never refered to me as his Mam) I'm sure she thought I was the nanny or something Confused

Xenia · 16/04/2011 14:50

Good to hear the update. I don't think a DNA test should be a problem. 30% of chidlren born in marriage in some studies aren't their father's so it might be wise for more people to have DNA tests.

Siblings can look very different. Our twins are completely, utterly different. People have had them in creches and not realised they were brothers. But then our family seems to have a huge mix of genes. In some other families every sibling looks like a clone.

DMCWelshCakes · 16/04/2011 17:35

Goingroundthebend4 - spookily enough my DH is also Sardinian & I'm also a typical celt look redhead. DiddyDragon looks exactly like a smaller version of me & nothing like DH. :) DC2 is due any time now so will be interesting to see what they look like.

OP - glad it all worked out & congratulations on your new arrival.

springydaffs · 16/04/2011 17:40

What a great story - though sorry to hear your DH needed reassurance OP Sad. Maybe it wasn't a reflection on you and your fidelity, more that he needed the test to get his head round that his son his actually his iyswim. I can kind of understand it as if I hadn't given birth to my (mixed race) kids I'd find it hard to accept they were mine (as does everybody else ). They are all different shades but all quite dark with afro or curly hair. They were all born with straight hair, like Mogli, but it curled up quickly: skin got darker with some of them, stayed the same with the rest. None of them look anything like me in any way, shape or form - which I find a bit sad. When they were little I used to look at their features, hoping at least one thing was like me (at one stage I was convinced that ds's eyebrow - only one! - was like mine... but no, it was a hoax). Not their feet, hands, eyes, eyebrows, skin colour (I am white, dad black), body shape, voice... shall I go on? I do find it sad that my kids look nothing like me and you would never think they are mine. But I have one ds who has my exact character, tastes etc, so that makes me a happy mummy. Perhaps when they have kids there'll be a granny springy in there somewhere.

[please God]

marcopront · 16/04/2011 17:56

Glad to hear you got it sorted.

My daughter is mixed race. I thought she was quite pale, then I took a photo of her with her English cousins and she looked so dark. And when I see photos of her with her Kenyan cousins she looks so pale.

jeckadeck · 16/04/2011 18:03

I have a black friend who has a baby with pale skin and blue eyes. Beyond some facial similarities with the mother there is absolutely nothing about this child that would indicate it had afro-caribbean heritage whatsoever. Its normal and surprisingly common. There was a documentary on the BBC about this and you actually get situations with twins where one is "black" and one is "white."

MsToni · 16/04/2011 18:27

When I had my son, he was WHITE!!! On day 3, i think, the midwives invited me to the nursery to see him have a bath and when I walked in, there were 4 other babies and for the life of me, i couldn't pick him out. He stayed pale till 10 months when his skin turned olive-ish and hair curly. Now he's pale olive with a mass of curly hair.

I also think your OH is being unfair, and thoughtless. With time, he may darken a bit so he'll just have to wait and see....

Cheer up and enjoy your little angel...xxxx

Firawla · 16/04/2011 19:40

glad things worked out well with your dh
& congrats on your new dd!

dementedma · 16/04/2011 19:58

not a skin colour thing, but my sis and her now ex-DH are both white British. They have 5 DCs.
No 1 - olivish skin tone, very dark brown hair, dark brown eyes
No 2 - red hair, v pale skin, masses of freckles, blue eyes
No 3 - white blond hair, dark brown eyes, light olive skin (beautiful boy!)
No 4 - jet black hair at birth, now blond, hazel eyes
No 5 - mousy brown hair, green eyes

What a mixture!!

Swipe left for the next trending thread