to think 2.9 is too little to be left alone at 3 yr old's birthday party?

[Hoppity]

My DD1 (aged 2.9) has been invited to a 3rd birthday party, a little girl from pre-school.

We don't know the child, the parents or where they live. So, very kind of them to invite us (got the invitation via the teacher, couldn't even say what child or parents look like).

I want to stay during the party, but have been advised by friend in the country where we live that this is not done and I have to drop off DD to fend for herself with strangers

She has not yet settled at school, separation anxiety in full swing, she understands but does not speak alot of the local language.......

AIBU to check with other mother and if she says drop off is mandatory, not to let DD go?
Surely I am not BU?

I intend to send present and card anyway to show no hard feelings....

YANBU mine were much older when I left them. IME the people running the party cannot watch them all and are busy with food etc. There are usually ALWAYS some parents that stay and some who don't seem to mind leaving their kids, a mix, so you won't be the only one. Many a time when I have stayed I have had to sort out someone elses kid.

Ok, so a quick update for those of you following this thread. I just called the mummy of the birthday girl and asked outright if mummies were invited to stay. She said, well, we live in a very small house and we have invited 11 kids, so I'm worried about hving enough room for adults....
So, I interjected and said, I fully understand but my DD is little and not used to being with peple she doesn't know, so if I stay it will actually be better for you because she will be relaxed and enjoy herself, rather than risk her crying and getting upset. Plus, I said, I am very good at organising games and I would be more than willing to help with the children, get involved, do some little games and singing.
Guess what? She jumped at the chance of some help!
So all is well. Win-win for all.
I get to attend, she gets some help and support.

very good hoppity...
fwiy, at my ds's 4th birthday party, about half the parents stayed, and then at any 5 year olds' parties we've been to, all the parents leave. My ds is 4, and I would have always stayed with him up to when he started school

Glad it's worked out

Glad it worked out I didn't think YABU at all frankly I wouldn't of even entertained the idea of leaving a child so young at a party with ppl I don't know and it's certainly NOT the norm as far as I know. The first time I left my DD1 at a party was in April age 5.6 and I felt uneasy the whole time! Now she's 6 and in yr 1 I feel slightly better but still leave it up to her, the last party we went to (last weekend) she asked me to stay so I did. She has another one this weekend. I'll stay if she's unhappy as long as it's alright with the host and leave WITH my DD1 if it's not! I don't leave her anywhere she's not comfortable with regardless of age but 2.9 is far too young anyway (with strangers)

Do you know if lots of kids are invited or is your DD a special friend? If I invited a child from my DS's nursery, I would not be offended or surprised if they phoned me to ask, or if they stayed on the day. I would think it a nice opportunity to meet my son's friends.I really don't think they would be expecting you to leave. Everyone is different obviously, but I'm sure you won't upset anyone by staying. Not sure that countries do things differently, ultimately you would be leaving your child with strangers!

glad mum is ok with you staying

and who knows after you both entertaining 11 children - you and her may become great friends!!!

One more thing, just had a coffee with another mum whose child is invited and she said she was planning to stay and was shocked that anyone would even consider leaving their LO at this tender age (she's a native to the country we are in, so it goes to show it's not just the soft-hearted brits who think like this. ).

She is going to ring the mother and say she'll help too. Looks like that's the key.

Your country sounds a lot like Spain! At least the first 2 thirds of your list hold true there, and it is very much the done thing to dump your kids at party time, whatever the age.
I think you hit the key: people do it that way because they always have. When an alternative is offered that they hadn't considered it's often a breath of fresh air, so gets accepted. I too, never left ds at that age as he was also learning to communicate, didn't know the customs and although was very confident, definitely needed help with some things (for example, culture of kids "sorting out their own battles" is very true at least in our part of Spain, and although we'd taught ds not to push/hit etc, if other kids did it often he was left to tell them off himself and never understood why ).

So...ggood for you and enjoy the party!