to be extremely surprised and yes, annoyed, at this school gate conversation I had today?

[moodlumthehoodlum]

Father of child in ds' reception year. Not a friend of ds, don't know the father's name, just don't know them..

Asks me if I would help out with picking his dd up from school (sometimes they have half days) and 'having her until the evening' as he finds it difficult to change his work patterns, and his wife doesn't drive.

He doesn't know my name. He doesn't know where we live. Our children aren't remotely friends, and yet he is perfectly happy to ask me to pick his dd up and look after her for hours?

This is surely weird on several counts..

1. That he is prepared to let a complete stranger look after his dd

1. That he didn't really give me much choice in the matter, because he'd heard that I was "always around" ie I don't appear to work

I completely get the whole swapping of childcare at the school gate, and amongst dd's friends' mothers we have arrangements that of course if someone is working or late or whatever we'll all pitch in and help out. But this, from a stranger, albeit with a child in ds' year, is completely bonkers, and a bit weird. I'm happy to help, but seriously I think this is extremely cheeky..

Or, aibu? MN, its over to you..

I'm imagining MrBS arriving home to tell his DW - quite crossly - how he can't understand why she made him take a day off work to collect DD when it was but the work of a moment for him to make arrangements for all forthcoming half days.

And then she asks him for your name...

No need for a sash- any likely looking kid will do, surely?

It is a bit strange, he must be lacking in social skills!

I'm all for the if you don't ask you don't get approach though. I don't see why you can't just say "I'm sorry, I'm very busy with my own children"

Not sure why his wife not driving is a reason for anything. I have been dropping off and picking up DS (reception) with dd (just three) on the bus quite frequently despite being 35 + 3 weeks pregnant with twins today. Surely if I can do it? Although I have not done it this week, to be fair!

I do wonder what his dw would have said.

Dilemma, tbh, I have so much goodwill, free time and so little to do, that I'll probably just pick up any children from the station, so no need to go to the bother of a sash, really, we'll be fine.. I think you can go overboard on needing to recognise the children you're supposed to be looking after..

give him/them an inch and he'd take a mile, it would be the thin end of the wedge

NO NO NO AND NO

Message withdrawn

Curiosity - respect..

Dilemma - indeed I do need a people wagon. I'll have it logo'd up so everyone would be clear that I was the one you could just give your children to.

Paranoidmother - happy to have your dcs also..

You could always turn up on Monday dressed as the Childcatcher from Chitty Chitty Bang Bang, complete with car dressed to look like his 'lollipops and treacle tart' hidden cage. I was going to say that would put him off, but he's clearly such a knobsock that he'd be fine with it.

Any future replies to his requests should go like this:

You: so let me get this straight - you want ME, a complete stranger, to look after your daughter, who doesn't know me and isn't a friend of my son's, to come and stay at my house, a house which you have never visited or have any knowledge about, for hours on end every day after school, because you think I have nothing better to do than do your job as a parent for you and your wife, because as a woman, I naturally want to look after every child in the world. Now fuck off, and learn how to be a proper Dad... TWAT.

Or ask him which days would be best for him to look after your DS, in reciprocation. That might shut him up

For a brain surgeon, he's mighty thick

Scorpette please can you come with me into school on Monday? You'd show him I'm no pushover..

Message withdrawn

Good.

And rest assured that I shall take excellent care of your dd. As I don't know her name, if its alright with you, I'll just call her dilemma's dd?

Message withdrawn

fine.

I have learnt that some people really do not give a hoot who they palm their kids off to.

Whilst most of us spend hours, days, weeks even months choosing the right CM, mursery , pre school etc, some people may as well randomly pick strangers off the street.

There was a kid at my dc's pre school who I had seen a few times, never spoken to her parents and she wasn't "friends" with my dd. The mother approached me a few weeks before they were due to leave pre school (before going to reception) to ask if I could help out. She wanted to drop her son to me at 7am each morning, give him breakfast, drop him to school (with my dd) and collect him and have him til 4pm! 5 days a week!

I was . I had never spoken to this woman before! It wasn't a favour for a week or so she didn't want to use a childminder so this was a permanant solution! I quickly said no, sorry. I don;t want to be tied down and commited to someone elses child. What if I'm on holiday, away at a friends, I'm/dd sick etc - plus the fact I thought she was crazy for asking! I did say (this is true) sometimes my aunt picks dd up from school or dd stays there the night and she drops her to school. This woman then had the bloody cheek to ask if on those days would my aunt mind if she dropped her dd to my aunts!?! I was gobsmacked!
Still can't quite believe it!

Also, my friend recently took up new job through the cleaning agency she runs. She was doing this womans ironing when the lady (she had a baby) asked her if she did babysitting as well as cleaning and ironing!

I think this is totally wierd behaviour and can totally understand how you were so gobsmacked you didn't say no - just the sort of thing i would have done and then thought 'ffs why on earth did i not just laugh in his face?!'

Hando don't think asking someone who is being paid to clean / iron and is known on that basis to do (paid) babysitting is that wierd tbh. I asked my cleaner if she was prepared to babysit. I have known her for about 6-7 years though - wouldn't ask this of someone I had just met!

Alicet, of course, anyone you have known for a long time and you can trust. But someone an agency sent to do your ironing? The first time you met them! Eeek!

Actually, I think there is a possibility that you are B very slightly U.

I'm assuming from your OP that we're not talking about a regular arrangement here('sometimes they have half days').

I'm also assuming that, had you said 'yes, maybe we could look into that', he'd have found out a)your name and b) where you live before actually confirming any arrangements.

Maybe he's a bit stuck.

Maybe you have a nice face.

And I really wouldn't place too much importance on who is and isn't a 'friend' of one's dc when they're still in reception. Their major links are still primarily parental-led at this point, surely?

Just wanted to say next door neighbour did this to me when his 'adopted' 8 year old arrived suddenly.
Now, we don't know them at all. Thought I knew their names but turned out I didn't (the Christmas cards I put through their door for years with the wrong names and they never corrected me!).
He just knocked on my door and said 'this is adoptedchild do you mind if she comes over in the morning as we have to leave early for work and you could take her into school with your kids?'

Next morning he turned up with her, left her without another word. I had no contact numbers for him or his wife, home or work. The only reason I know his surname is because some post got put through our door by accident. He didn't ask me for any details either.
I mean . Adoptedchild didn't speak a word of english so all of us in the morning all smiling nervously at each other.
Luckily it only lasted for 2 weeks after which she changed to a faith school and they dropped her there by car as it was further away.
I wouldn't do it again for anyone but I literally couldn't speak I was so .

oh and we never discussed money or how long this arrangement was for! Still

So, a simple answer.
Tell him your rates are £174.20 an hour, payment a month in advance and no refunds.
And they double after 5pm.

Or tell him the police have been round to arrest you for illegal childminding.

did he mention paying you or is it really free child care? Am amazed at this!!! Maybe just asking him how much he is paying an hour may be enough to put him off, if he thinks he actually has to GIVE, not just take

My goodness how cheeky, he does not know you or your ds from Adam and assumes that because you are always around that you can do it. You might not want that type of responsibility or have lots on your plate already, i could understand if he was the father of one of your ds friends and you knew them but a stranger no.

Just because you are always there to pick up does not mean that you are not shooting around with a hundred other commitments you are juggling. With people as thick-skinned as that there is no option other than to be straightforward, no excuse, just say, sorry, no, and leave it at that.

If he's a brain surgeon then he can afford either a taxi or a registered CM. What's going to happen on days when his kid is sick and the wife can't drive to get sick kid? Don't they live within walking distance, if not why didn't they choose a school that is within walking distance? Some people amaze me.