to want to kill MIL re childcare

[aoifesmama]

Okay, I am returning to work on 2nd November when DD will be 7 months. I love my job and although devasted to leave DD felt I was okay. MIL had agreed (pre bloody pregnancy) to have DD (paid) whilst I am at work. She had first of all said she would come to our house, but 4 weeks ago changed it to SIL, which is not great, but okay.

However today MIL announces she is going on 3 and a half weeks holiday from THAT DATE! So noone to look after DD. I am in tears. I have arranged for my sister to have DD on Thursdays and Fridays, SIL will have her on Mondays, but noone yet for Tuesdays and Wednesdays.

Apart from not knowing if I'll find someone in time, thinking of leaving DD with someone I don't know makes me want to be sick.

AIBU to want to scream? MIL seems to think this is not an issue at all...don't know what to do.

MIL's blown it in all sorts of ways hasn't she?

You're not mad, sometimes reliable consistent local childcare is far better than flaky random family dotted all over the place. You need to think about your DD bonding with whoever is going to be looking after and imho better it is the same person than 3 different people while she is so little.

I hope you told bil that no she isn't good enough as you agreed with her to take on the care on a paid basis and as soon as she's needed she's leaving you in the lurch!

Agree your DD can't just be passed around like baggage. Would just counter any wingeing with an expression of need for reliable consistent childcare - that way you're stating the problem without making it about MIL.

Oh poor you,for what it is worth we used a CM and nursery and a nanny in our time and the only time we have had problems is when using MIL.Now they provide emergency cover only and thats great.

By the way next time BIL and SIL ask if Mum is not good enough just say no she isn't because a good childminder would not let you down at this notice and would not suggest disjointed childcare with unknown people ,so clearly she isn't good enough.

Aoifesmama, your MIL has no respect for you and will continue to let you down if you continue with the arrangement after she gets back from her holiday. I would get someone else permanently. Your MIL doesn't see this as a professional service or relationship, just some personal favour she is doing for you despite the money, and she doesn't get it that you have a job that you must go to and need reliable care for your baby. I don't like how the in law family members are trying to spare her feelings and not letting you have at her over the phone. They will let you down too.

Believe me, if you can afford it a lovely, reliable childminder is the best option.

My dd was with a wonderful lady from the age of one year till she started school, in fact she used to collect her from school a couple of days a week when I had to work a bit later.

If family members are thoughtless and unreliable you will be very stressed all the time.

I had no family so no choice.

Dd's CM even had her for the occasional weekend and overnight, when I had to travel for work.

Dd was very happy there - it was a home from home.

"MIL has since been told this and is very very unhappy, as are BIL and SIL who have both called to air their "is mum not good enough?".

Er, no, she is not good enough because she is buggering off for three weeks just as you go back to work!

I agree your DD needs consistent care, it is hard enough to leave them at that age (my two have just gone to a CM, they are 17mo) without leaving them with a different person every day. They need someone stable and consistent... not loads of different people.

And you do not need this hassle from the ILs. Why are they so bothered about you getting a nursery/CM?