In thinking that these were not normal parental decisions.

[TheMitsubishiWarrioress]

In brief, I am going through some personal difficulties, and am starting counselling tomorrow.

Seem to be losing my perspective on things but am troubled by these incidents from my younger years.

12 yrs old and my parents have some building work done by a builder known by my parents. His father came along and announced early on that I was 'special' and long after the work was done, visited us to bring me treats and presents. One day I was told he would like to take me to London to see a musical, stay in a hotel and go on a shopping trip.

I was excited and for some reason remember hoping we could go to woolworths so I could have a brand new set of pencil crayons.

The night before, my brother told me he was camping that weekend in the garden, and I thought this sounded like more fun, said I didn't want to go, and the trip was cancelled. I never saw the man again.

I was admittedly very naive. At about 17 I met a lad on the bus who asked me out. We had a date and at the end of it deciced I didn't want to see him again.

Later that evening, my Dad went to get some wood for the fire and found him in the woodshed. It transpired that the lad had a criminal record and was apparently trying to go 'straight' so my Dad invited him to live with us, which he did for 5/6 weeks. He assumed this meant we were an 'item' and pursued me with that thought, on one occassion threatening to rape me when I wouldn't sleep with him, although he didn't carry it outt. He used to sit outside the bathroom scratching on the door when I had a bath (which I started doing daily to escape him).

I subsequently found out his Record included GBH and ABH.

It all feels wrong and now I have DC's of my own I find this memories troubling, but because I am low, they keep popping up.

I was going to change my name but have decided to stick to the one I am known by.

Am I just hyper sensitive or are these bizarre things to do with your DD?

Oh you are so not pathetic! You didn't really stand a chance growing up with that bewildering behaviour from your parents and look at you now - an eloquent, sensitive mum who cares enough about her DD to come on here and talk through this painful stuff instead of bottling it up. You are working through counselling which is v brave and will give you the tools to counteract any more emotional abuse from him, and protect your DD too. You also worked a marriage for 13yrs which is admirable indeed. Once you've sorted all this out in your own head you will get new confidence and be a super role model for her. You'll be able to revisit the young girl who received that awful letter and tell her to shove it up his arse.

Out of interest, was the inappropriate family member on your dad's side of the family?

Thanks LB,

I get cross with myself...I am 40 so think I should be able to overcome these issues.
I managed to go to a weekend school event this morning on my own, usually 'hide' behid the children as when I am with and around them I am confident in their company and plucked up the courage to ask a group of people if I could join them...I didn't say a great deal but I did it!!

The family member was from both sides.......but can't put it into actual words.......

Don't be hurrying up to 'get over' things -- there's nobody out there with a stop watch.

You were too young to deal with them then and life has got in the way and as you say it wasn't prehaps something you could put into words easily until you reached this point in your life. Just go with the flow and believe that this has all cropped up again because you are stronger than ever and ready to face it all. Well done this weekend btw, another example .

Just wondered about that family member as seems likely your dad's upbringing was pretty peculiar in some way to give him his own confusing feelings. Someone even older might have been very influential on a whole generation of your family (and further down the line). It's important to remember that your dad wasn't always like this, he has been programmed to some degree (as he programmed you to feel bad for growing up into a woman.)