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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that if DH wants a packed lunch it should be him getting up earlier, not me?

52 replies

Simplistica · 30/09/2009 13:20

He started a new job last week, and for some reason I've ended up in the role of getting up 30 mnutes earlier on days he has to be in earlier to make lunch etc (I do make the children's lunches also).

And I am waking every 30 minutes from about 5 in a panic that it has got too late because he won't let me set the bloody alarm clock (won't show me how- strange digital thing) in case it wakes him

I'm studying evenings, so am getting up earlier plus feeding baby at night, then trying to concentrate on studies later, whilst he gets to lie in every day.

OP posts:
LolaAnn · 30/09/2009 13:49

Ask him how he expects you to make his lunch and the kids lunch and everything at the time he wakes. Then just get an alarm clock (loudest one you can find) and set it for half an hour before, get up, but leave it going, preferably find one that comes back on every 5 mins or so.

Original poster
Simplistica · 30/09/2009 13:50

''his contributions have dropped off in favour of FB'? Do you mean his housework has dropped off in favour of going on facebook?'

sadly so, though in fairness we have moved away from friends assocaited with seasonal hobby prevalent atm. Have to stay here for his studies but I know he misses them.

he used to try it with finances, I just got his pin and started taking wjat I needed, seeing as it was a joint account, no more was said.

OP posts:
Knickers0nmahead · 30/09/2009 13:53

Why doesn't he make them the night before? I make dp's for him sometimes the night before and just stick his snap box in the fridge.

colditz · 30/09/2009 13:58

It's a joint account but 'his' pin?

How does that work?

redskyatnight · 30/09/2009 13:58

I make DH's packed lunch ... at the same time as I do ones for myself and the DC. The night before.

I wouldn't get up early specially, but would (and obviously do )make one for him if it made sense to do it in conjunction with making others.

Original poster
Simplistica · 30/09/2009 13:58

I think that'sgoing to be the way to go isn't it? I spend evenings running around getting school things ready so no reason why he should get to sit down and me not. On nights I am at uni it is a bit different perhaps but most nights we are at home.

I shall have The Chat. The alternative is grumpy tired Missus anyway and I don't suppose he wants that either.

OP posts:
sweetkitty · 30/09/2009 13:59

DP makes his AND DD1's lunch the night before

There is no way on this earth I would make his packed lunch for him, does he have no hands, and he is telling you off for wanting an alarm clock?

So you are getting up and making his lunch whilst he snoozes and getting all worried about it.

Seriously tell him to F off

Original poster
Simplistica · 30/09/2009 14:02

Colditz- it's his acocunt but everything gets paid in, a few years back my finances came through late and my bank
would have swallowed living costs in charges so I got TC's / CB swapped to his instead to get us through (it worked) and they still go there. I get CA in mine with the chidlren's DLA so am not potless, but food and similar come out of his account- never an issue I should emphasise so long as he is about, but sometimes he isn't.

He is a bit controlling though, I soryt of knew that but never admitted it. Needs sorting though- he seems to get priority (went off playing with his friends when my dad was rushed to A&E for surgery becuase he didn't want to let them down) and if i am going to spend my life with him, that'sgoing to stop.

OP posts:
ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight · 30/09/2009 14:45

At least you know now. If I were you I would sort the finances - either get a joint account or get a current account with the same bank as his and do internet banking - I do, I have both our passwords and if one of us needs money I transfer it from one account to the other. I prefer that to a joint account - but the money itself is joint.

You are right, it does need sorting.

Original poster
Simplistica · 30/09/2009 16:27

Just signed up for asserttiveness class at Uni

methinks is needed

OP posts:
ElenorRigby · 30/09/2009 16:38

YANBU his lazy arse needs a kicking!

PfftTheMagicDragon · 30/09/2009 16:47

I suggest that tomorrow you pack his lunchbox in his bag, and instead of his lunch inside you leave a note that says "if you want to take lunch to work, get up and make it yourself you lazy fucker"

groundhogs · 30/09/2009 17:47

No no no, if you want to get up and do his lunch, that's a nice thing of you to do.

If you need to get up at 6.30, and are the first one up, then OF COURSE you need a flaming alarm... Can you use your Mobile phone? That's what I do... Even when I don't have a bedside table, I slip it in the pillowcase...

If you just got the alarm call thing sorted, you'd get a whole lot more sleep than you are presently.

If he plays up, then tell him you'll leave the bread and cheese out on the side so he can make his sandwiches when he gets up.

You seem to be doing an awful lot, what with the nighttime routine, the fretful hours from 5am and then runnin about to get everyone sorted, and he has a tidy lie in until 7.15, when he should actually be up at 7...?

No, No, you are NBU, and all... I rather think Mr Secret Alarm Clock is....

fairydust · 30/09/2009 17:51

But surely if your making the kids lunch it doesn't take any longer to pack a few extra sandwichs do it the night before it takes 5 mins flat even if you are studying.

motherinferior · 30/09/2009 17:53

Sorry, but is this thread for real?

You seriously want advice on whether to make someone else's lunch or not? Why in hell's name did you ever do it at all?

I wouldn't even inform him. Just don't do it. I cannot see what on earth it's got to do with you.

I have no idea what my partner eats for lunch, by the way.

hocuspontas · 30/09/2009 18:01

I think I need to give dp a big kiss tonight...

Like mi I have no idea what he makes for his own lunch but if ever the dds need a packed lunch as well - it's there waiting for them in the fridge by the time I get up.

I can't believe there are some posters on here implying the op IS being unreasonable. She's not his mother you know

Osmama · 30/09/2009 18:18

I would say it is okay-ish for you to make his lunch if you're making lunches for the children as well, but not if you have to get up earlier to be able to do it in time (especially if you are the one who always gets up for the baby during the night!).
I agree you should get your own alarm clock, but maybe you could also suggest that he gets up earlier (like the repeat alarm after you get up idea) and makes the lunches for the whole family while you prepare the breakfast?
(Am spoilt, DH has been making breakfast for most of our life together, starting when I had a job where I needed to leave the house before him - he declared I would never be able to get up on time and somehow I have never felt tempted to prove the opposite... )

Original poster
Simplistica · 30/09/2009 18:58

FD only one ds has a packed lunch and that'svery pre=preapred (by me, not a pasty or anything)

DH'stends to be more fidly

I'm trying to work out why it does add solong- the toehr aspect seems to be that DH'sinsistence on sitting down at 10 means I have to get clothes ready then as well for the boys.

OP posts:
Hassled · 30/09/2009 19:03

Just show him this thread. He should read it and be ashamed of himself.

ohnelly · 30/09/2009 19:14

I dont have a problem with making my DP packed lunch (stops him buying crap from the shop and wasting money!) but I would always do it the night before so he can just grab it on the way out. And he doesnt expect it, and no way would I get up before him and do it either

mamas12 · 30/09/2009 22:49

Simplistica Come on girl.
Stop it today Tell him tonight that his sandwiches are his responsibilty and you will be waking up at * oclock to do what you do and he can see to himself OR you will go on strike and can do everything.

Original poster
Simplistica · 01/10/2009 11:44

So I got up today 1t 7, he then stayed in bed until 7.30.

Arrggghhhh.

Apparently he thinks it is easier for me if he stays away . No lunch today though as he only hd to be in 12, he forgot to take any food at all but I told him to buy from the canteen.

I've told him that instead of assuming I realise things he has to ctually verbalise them- for exmaple,he normally dresses the baby on his morning off,and I had a big pile of school forms to do. I realise he has vanished as we are about to go and baby isn't dressed- he's upstairs filling in Uni stuff.

I dodn't have a problem doing things if he has priority stuff, but I need to be told so I can plan around it. I did explain that but I don't think he listened.

I am buying stuff right now to make a huge noticeboard- I think if he can see what needs doing and I can see his timetable, etc then we might get further. One day I actually got up and made lunch only to have it left as he was finishing early!. Once that's done he will have to fend for himself a bit, I am exhausted and for the first time ever we discussed respite for ds3 becuase of it- he needs to pull up now.

Thanks for all the support

OP posts:
chuffinell · 01/10/2009 12:44

hmph - put YOUR timetable on there too - including getting up in the night for the baby

then deliberately oversleep when he has an important meeting because you are not 'allowed' an alarm clock

then do what Icklboo suggests!

Original poster
Simplistica · 01/10/2009 12:59

Ah my timetable is a matter of some dispute- I am still BF'ing baby at 18 months becuase of a few reasons- he's unable to take any milk due to severe reaction, and we can't get him to take any other form of calcium, plus there's a hypothetical link between the disability the two disabled boys have and milk (and also gluten which we also avoid). DH however seems to think that if I don't want to wake, I should just give up. Which is all well and good, but he needs calcium and the like and TBH other than the sleep it works well.

I also have to be up to check ds1'ssafety, but am not certain DH gets the importance of that as he worked nights for years and missed the incidents that triggered it IYSWIM- even if one potentially caused some of ds3's disability

OP posts:
ninedragons · 01/10/2009 13:11

The only way in which you're being unreasonable is letting this fucking oxygen thief stay in your life.