expecting a call from ds1 any time now...aibu to stick to NO

[TheLadyEvenstar]

ok ds1 was really showing off yesterday and the day before. I warned him both days if he carried on I would not be letting him do football training today. Well he did carry it on until he left for school this morning so aibu to say no when he calls and i know he will call to see if he can soft soap/change my mind.

MrsJammi, so glad it not just me that feels like that!

Its like I have decided that this year I am not spending a fortune on xmas and am buying as much as poss pre loved. so my mum has told me that it is wrong to do this....even though for ds1's 11th birthday we bought him a Wii...its not like he goes without fgs and he isn't getting crap I am just buying it pre loved.

That's a bit trickier. You bought toys for one child but not the other (sorry, but things put away for Christmas that he doesn't know about don't count). You wanted him to put away the toys that they had both been playing with. (Is DS2 too small to even "help" a little?"). He got sent to his room, then later nagged that he still hadn't done the dishwasher (well, he couldn't while he was in his room, could he?) Then he was screaming and crying because he was sent to his room again.

I don't think I'd call any of that "showing off". More like expressing his unhappiness at the situation.

AMIS, i bought toys for both, but nobody saw me buy ds1's dr who toys, they did see me buy ds2's stickle bricks.

He was sent to his room for shouting at me in the first place. he did come out of his room. DS2 was helping. He wasn't nagged he was asked to load the dishwasher. He was screaming at me that I was unfair because I had bought myself a top, and ds2 stickle bricks.

He was then asked to go in his bedroom where he could watch a film or whatever but i needed some space from his tantruming during dinner, pushing his plate away sniffing, shouting, telling me it looked disgusting etc. He started shouting and screaming at me until 11.15 approx when he finally stopped.

I can understand your ds's take on this situation- firstly his brother appeared to receive a gift and he didn't, then he had to clear away toys his brother had been playing with. Therefore when asked to empty the dishwasher he wasn't at his most co operative.
Can't really see where the showing off comes into it.

I assume you have tried ignoring the bad and praising the good before you implemented the tough mummy regime? From what you say I think he could benefit more from positive reinforcement than punishment.

MCTH, ds2 was helping clear up as well. ds1 had been playing with ds2's toys so i asked him to clear them up with him.

he is 11 and knows what his chores are, and tbh he shouldn't need to be asked to do it.

he had been praised in the morning for being good but from when he thought i had bought ds2 something and not him he started showing off.

That's what I mean- his perception of the unfairness of the situation was the catalyst for the behaviour.
What do you mean by 'showing off'?

If he is screaming and shouting for hours until late at night, there is clearly a bigger issue at play. Whilst 11yo can obviously have behaviour issues, I think the sort of behaviour you describe is beyond the normal range, imo.

It sounds like things have got quite fraught between you - 11 can be a difficult age with hormones starting to kick in and the teenage "unfair" detectors starting up. I guess you just need to be clear what's acceptable and what's not, but praising the good whenever you can.

I wouldn't accept the shouting and screaming at all, and I can see why he was sent to his room. But do you have a policy for when he is a little calmer? It might be worth making sure there is time to have a proper discussion about why he felt so angry, and hw you can both move forward, when he is calm enough to express himself without screaming and shouting.

well done lady you are doing the right thing stick to it now and show you mean business now because if you relent he will know you will be putty in his hands.
Also tell him if he carrys on complaining tonight about not going to football, would he like you to contact his coach to inform him why he isn't going. That made mine behave a bit more I can tell you.
I never did because the threat of it was enough becasue by then he knew I would do it, so Good luck.

Secondcoming
Why don't make her wear them and only them when you have guests around or whenever youn need something from the car or go to wherever.
What was she thinking.
Take them back and no shopping on her own until she is 35 then.

secondcoming at woodcraft camp...

you wouldn't get that sort of behaviour at Guides, you know

Sorry was not hiding was eating lol.

AMIS: Things are actually at their calmest between us trust me lol!!!! I have learnt a lot since I last posted on here the main thing being IGNORE IGNORE IGNORE. However the way he spoke to me on Saturday was unacceptable and thats why I sent him to his room to sulk think.

He has more freedom now than he ever has done is allowed to stay for after school clubs etc. He has more free time since starting secondary school. This behaviour is the best it has ever been BUT i have been tougher on him in some ways and easier in others, it has taken time but we have got to the point where it is no longer every day.

Wow secondcoming have you ever thought about approaching the school for them to talk to or see a film about 'sex workers' their age and sex traffiking?
Does she really get it though because I certainly didn't when I was that age and I wish someone had tried to tell me.