To be a little bit upset/miffed/whatever by what my DS's teacher said?

[chegirl]

Ok not an anti teacher rant honest and I do mean I feel a bit upset - not outraged or anything.

I like my DS's new teacher. I am really impressed that he took the time to read up on DS's SN before term. He knew my name on the first day and seems to be geniunely open and interested.

I am a wee bit sensitive around the subject of DS's skin condition. He has severe atoptic eczema and he is affected very badly by it. We have spent years trying to get it under control and at times he has looked like a burns victim. It has taken a lot of hard work to get it to the state it is now which is not perfect but so very much better than it was last year.

I have always been open with the school and it took me some time to get through just how serious DS's condition is and how it affects him. I thought I had got there particularly as the new teacher seemed so ready to listen re DS's other addtional needs.

Anyhooo - last week (yes I really have been brooding for that long) he pulled me aside and said
Its about Ds's eczema..
Um yes?
Well its very bad
Um yes..
He scratches a lot and his skin is very red
Um yes, he has very bad eczema...
Well that cream you gave us doesnt work, his skin is still bad...
Its just his moisuriser, it wont cure the eczema, its part of his skin care regime...
Well we think it makes it worse...
No it doesnt...
Well anyway, do you think you can do something about it over the weekend? I mean can you sort something out?
Um sorry but there isnt much I can do, his condition isnt curable and we can only try our best to control it..
Yes I understand but the thing is, its very hard for us to have to watch him suffer...

Flippen eck. I know he is lovely to be concerned but I wish people would try and understand that some people's eczema is not just going to get better with the right cream, diet, tablet etc.

We have been trying for years to sort our boy out. He sees the dermatologist every few weeks, he has been allergy tested, my housekeeping regime would astound Kim and Aggie (allergy to dustmites), we have redecorated house, use special cleaners and laundry products, spend hours on skin care daily, wash wash wash bloody everything, hoover and dust like a OCD sufferer on crack .....

In the past few years I have been told that I should 'really do something about that poor boy's skin', asked 'what the hell have you done to him?', told 'if you really wanted to you could make him better', been accused of keeping him that way to claim benefits...

Our dermatology specialist nurse is wonderful and assures me that we have done wonders with DS. But I get really sad when I see him crying and scratching and now he has begun to comment on his 'skins' and how people sometimes say 'errrr' to him.

So poor teacher has hit a raw nerve and is certainly oblivious to upsetting me but I cant help it

I am bloody pregant so am I allowed to be a bit UR?

Londonone
I understand your sensitivity to threads about teachers. I have seen the way they can go on here.

But we often say things we would like to do as a way of venting our impotent frustration! Really do not think Ballon or anyone else would advocate really being horrible or violent for something like this.

Anyhooo - passed him the download from eczema soc today. Hopefully that will set him thinking a bit. I am sure its got info that he will be a bit at.

I am going to do a bit more googling to see what I can come up with.

DS is beginning to complain that his clothes hurt him . A sure sign that things are getting worse. So probably a good time for this subject to have come up, however it was raised.

Londoneone - I would have that reaction to anyone, not just a teacher. Its the insinuation that the thought of trying to do something hadn't crossed OPs mind thats a very wankerish IMO

Don't leave it like this with the teacher. It's only the beginning of the year and you need him on side and for this not to become a bigger issue.
Ditto OPs about the dermatology nurse having a word with him. He may 'hear' her better because she is a professional. She can reiterate everything you said about it being a condition for which there isn't a cure, it needs to be managed, you care about DS's distress more than he does, it has been improving, DS isn't being neglected....
Whatever...it just might get through to him better than you if he has already gone off on the wrong tack about it.
DS2 is a sufferer. Worth getting comprehensive allergy testing done. Don't know where you are but St Thomas' in London have a good programme and you will get more comprehensive list of what his triggers are. That way you're not randomly eliminating foods and hoping for the best.
Apologies if you've been there done that...do hope your LO continues to improve as he gets older. Don't give up hope.

Chegirl: I totally hear you - my son has had the most awful nappy rash his whole life (he's 2.5 now) and we've done EVERYTHING to help we and the doctor can think of - spending hours at a time out of nappies (and clearing up afterwards !), going through so many different creams etc etc - and yet his creche leader still weekly takes me aside and chastises me for 'letting' his bottom get so bad. Doesn't matter how many times I explain it all, the message is still that I've been negligent.

I know its been awful for you, but I think the most worrying thing about your post is your son's reaction to his condition. As well as making sure his teacher understands the true situation, impress upon him that its not just physically affecting your boy!

know how tou feel Ds2 went through a very long stage when his skin was red raw and mean raw covering most his trunk and his limbs and school seemed to wonder about how much cream applying was done this was after he spent week in hospital with wet wrapping.

What did help his eczema was steroids not cream but actually very high doses of predesloine and he also wa son cyclosporan not so much for the eczema more to contro; his asthma

Write the teacher a letter saying how you feel. If you start trying to tell him verbally what you have told us here you will start crying and that's not good.

Chegirl I'm not surprised you're upset. Poor you and ds. I think you've handled it all very well.

You handled it better than me. I would have burst into tears!

Chegirl, about the atopic eczema. My DP has always suffered from this - the 'burns victim' description you mentioned is spot on. It's hard to deal with and causes so many more problems than uncomfortable skin.

My DP tried everything - every prescribed medicated cream, regular creams, my cosmetic moisturizer, steroids, the lot. It never even slightly improved.

Now it has gone altogether. On holiday in Sri Lanka, we visited a spice garden near Kandy (it was called the number 25). There he bought a combination pack of three potions: one huge bottle of jojoba cream, one of aloe vera gel, and one of sandalwood oil.

You mix these together and apply to the skin whenever needed. He applied lashings of the stuff constantly. That was in July. By September, he skin was totally clear. And it has stayed this way.

Dermatologists and various consultants were very worried by my DP's condition - sometimes it even affected his breathing. And this natural cream has worked miracles.

I'm sorry I don't have contact details for the spice garden, but you could try getting these creams online - make sure they are 100% jojoba, 100% aloe vera, and 100& sandalwood oil - the stuff we get in the UK is cosmetic and diluted.

Best wishes to you and DS.

chegirl jsut a thought. It wouldn't be unreasonable to ask the school to ensure that the classroom is thorougky hoovered and cleaned daily. (They're probably even obliged if it's for your son's health because it's not an unreasonable request). This wouldn't be an issue at my school. Since the teacher has brought it up he should be open to going to the head/caretaker about it. Also, we have lots of y5/6 girls who would be DESPERATE to have the responsibility to dust/ wipe down a classroom at lunchtimes. Could you ask the teacher to arrange this? I would consider this a a good idea if I had your son in my class and pleased to organise something that would help.

Also, we have lots of y5/6 girls who would be DESPERATE to have the responsibility to dust/ wipe down a classroom at lunchtimes. Could you ask the teacher to arrange this?

Caen, I know you meant to be helpful, but are you seriously suggesting that the girls should stay in at lunchtime and dust? Are you really a teacher? Can you think for one minute about the messages you are giving out here.

Of course the school is responsible for making sure Chegirl's DS is being taught in an environment that does not exacerbate his eczema, but not by reinforcing 1950s-style sexual stereotyping in the classroom.

Sorry Ladyglen but that's the reality. Of course I'm not suggesting you only ask the girls but if you ask for helpers I can guarantee the ones who will want to do it and will keep coming back day after day will be the girls. All children like the feeling of responsibility and often girls more than the boys who would rather be running around outside. Not all girls and not all boys but this is what experience has taught me. They offer to help, they enjoy it, what's the problem?

The problem is that the girls should be running around outside at playtime too, not dusting the classroom. And as a teacher - if you are one - you should be facilitating that.

Hi Chegirl

YANBU at all. It must be very upsetting.He sounds like he cares but is a misinformed.

Are the school part of the 'Healthy Schools Programme'? If they are perhaps you could suggest to him that if he wants to help he could do some research (quick google search) about how the school/ classroom environment can effect children's health and come up with an action plan of how they might make school healthier.

Oh well we'll just have to agree to disagree.
Hope something can be done to improve the environment for him Chegirl.
The teacher was just being a little overenthusiastic if quite thoughtless.It would have annoyed me too.

Hi Chegirl
So sorry to hear about your wee boy's discomfort. I just wanted to add that as a nurse specialist (not in dermatology) I frequently work between parents, children and school staff. Schools often accept it when we explain the condition in hand and any treatments, which at times must be really irritating to parents who often have been giving exactly the same information to school staff over many months or years.
If I was your nurse I would really want to hear about this conversation with the teacher as it offers the chance of making things different (in terms of good understanding about the condition and the often simple things that people can say and do to help and thinking about helpful levels of expectations) both for your child and other children.From my POV the fact the teacher has raised the concerns (albeit clumsily) gives a great starting point for conversation about planning and management. I am often invited to attend annual reviews which can be a good place to think about ways of managing things and reviewing what all the agencies and not just the school have been doing. Also allows the school to express frustration at us as healthworkers that a child they care for isn't improving and to name how distressing this is, without the parent feeling a responsibility to "make things better" for the teacher IYSWIM.
Sorry this is longer than planned! but just wanted to really encourage you to speak with your nurse specialist and ask them for support in liaising with school.
Hope things move on well for you and your wee boy.

Hadnt realised my thread had reappered.

Thanks for your suggestions and comments.

Teacher is a nice bloke and cares a lot about the kids so I know he didnt mean any harm.

Still upset me though

We are at the specialist nurse on Weds. Poor DS is having to miss a school trip because of it. Am also seeing ED Psych on Monday re DS's statement assessment so I will discuss with her as well. I know it wont be included in statement but I do think she should be aware.

We had to come home early from his sports club tonight because the gym floor was dusty (no more than normal for a gym floor!) and it set him on an itching frenzy.