to be upset over nutella

[lemonadesparkle]

DC 3(so not pfb) has just started Yr R and stayed for lunch at school today for the first time. DC is allergic to many things including nuts and has epipens (2 at school, one in the bag that goes everywhere and 2 at home - so basically covered at all times). School are aware of all the allergies and what this might mean and have reassured me that the dinner staff have all been informed and that school is nut free anyway.

So, mummies had been asked to accompany their children for lunch today as part of the settling in period. There was a brief talk at the beginning reitterating what was and wasn't allowed in packed lunches and then we all sat down to eat. The mummies chatted and amongst other things discussed the non permissable foods only for one parent whose dc was sat next to mine announce that her child was having nutella sandwiches Surely the clue is in the name "NUTella" !!!!! I tried not to be overconcerned and moved dc further down the table to try and prevent contamination but I am extremely worried that had I not been there dc could have had an anapylactic reaction on the very first day having lunch at school

AIBU to be upset about this and perhaps speak to school again and request that they send out a letter clearly stating that nuts are incredibly dangerous for my child and that includes Nutella?

Of course, the mother the OP encountered could have been calling it nutella when actually she had the cheaper chocolate only supermarket own brand spread

I think it is important not to have a false sense of security. No matter how nut-free the school claims to be, things will slip through.

I know at my children's very nut-aware nut-banning school the following have happened:

• visiting chef made a sesame-seed spread and a nut allergic child ate it and apparently according to her parents that should have been seen as a nut
• parents have avoided nuts in lunch but not thought about it at pick-up time and doled out muesli bars with nuts as post-school snack in the playground (I am, shamefully, one of these)
• PTA cake sale where we didn't specify nut-free because we forgot
• "guess the Christmas cake" competition where the cake maker forgot and used almonds and marzipan

It is very tough. And there is no harm in the school sending out more guidance. But
sadly I think OP's child will have to learn lessons about avoidance as well.

I am sure he can learn these lessons. I have friends with vegan/Muslim/Jewish/allergic children and they are pretty good at asking what they can have.

On the table thing, I do think a separate table at lunch is a good idea so that staff can be more vigilant there. At our school, each child with allergies can take a friend to the table with them. I think that friend's mother gets a more specific chat about what she can/can't send in school lunches.

If you don't have a child with a severe life threatning allergy, you might think its unfair that other children are prevented from eating something they like in school time. But think of it this way;
Your little darling has to wait til they come home for some nutella/peanut butter etc.
or
Someone elses little darling COULD DIE. Like actually die.
Which would you say is more important?

And no I don't have a kid with an allergy, but I do have a peanut butter obsessed 5 year old, and even he can understand that his desire for nuts on bread is less important than a possible fatality at school.

There is always the chance that another child might have traces of nut on hands, breath etc from before school time and could accidentaly touch the allergic child. If a child was so at risk that he/she could die then surely it is unsafe for that child to be at school. I really dont know what the answer is.

Pooexplosions - I totally 100% agree with you. I have had a child in a setting where another child died (though not for this reason) and trust me, that is one horrible hideous thing to live through and I still have nightmares. I also know people with life-threatening allergies.

And yet I know that even with all that I have forgotten - not in the school lunch, but in giving muesli bars with nuts in the playground.

If I, who totally get it and agree, have slipped up then what about all the - can't be bothered, didn't read the letter, don't speak English, don't know what is in Nutella - mothers?

I don't think the OP is wrong to be concerned, but I also think that a "nut-free" policy is a desire but not an insurance.

yanbu to be upset but it is unreasonable to think that other parents will be able to follow nut free to the letter. They will make mistakes - even with the best intentions.

Pooexplosions you are being ridiculously dramatic, the number of children who actually die of nut allergy is very tiny. There are so many other things that are more risky, far more children are killed by car as well. The most dangerous time for nut allergy is teens and young adults because they feel they are indestructableSorry can't think of the right word.

(as pointed out before both my ds and dh have nut allergies, so don't jump on me)

Yes, they could have traces from elsewhere, but thats not an excuse not to try. And mistakes can be made too, but again, people can make the effort, no? Its pretty standard now, I don't know many schools that allow nuts at all.
If you think its an unfair rule, what you are saying is that your kids right to a pb sandwich is more important than another childs right to an education without constant fear. Seriously, your child needs the nuts that much?

Nutella sandwiches would be banned at our school anyway because its chocolate. And nuts, obviously (how could you not know that, what with it being in the ingredients, a picture of nuts on the label, and oh yeah, being called NUT-ella? )

Far more children are killed by a car, yes. But, as time has gone on, systems have been put in place to reduce the incidence, the severity and causes of such accidents. Denying that risks can be reduced is disingenuous.

I'm not being "ridiculously dramatic" I am employing a little hyperbole to make a point.

I used to teach a little boy with a severe nut allergy. He almost died right in front of me, and that kind of stays with you. If you are the parent of a child with an allergy that bad, being told that the risk of them dying is small is not much comfort if the risk could be lower, but other parents can't be arsed thinking of a different sandwich filling.

There was a story in our local paper not that long ago about a man who had had a mild reaction to peanuts in the past and avoided them.

He ordered a takeaway curry one night on the reassurance that there were no nuts in it. But there were. And he died.

I wonder if the people who sold him the takeaway absolved themselves of any guilt on the basis that he could have sat next to somebody on the bus who'd had peanut butter on toast that morning.

I just don't get it...

A child has an allergy, possibly life threatening, at least extremely irritating/uncomfortable to them. The parents tell the school, the school passes that information on to the other parents and requests that no nuts are brought in, via their individual DCs, to the school.

WHY would anyone ever think NOT to respect this request? It's not like their DC will come to HARM by them NOT eating nuts?

If my DS had any kind of allergy (he doesn't) I'd hope that the other parents would at least adopt the 'there by the grace if God' concept and agree to respect the schools request.

Iluminating thread... hadn't thought about if DC has peanut butter for breakfast.. he hasn't, ever, but yes, I can now see it could cause a problem.. Nutella too. I wrongly thought it was just immediate contact..

Thanks for that, I'll make sure I don't make that mistake.

But you could equally well say that the OPs DC should sit on a table of his own for lunch.And to play devils advocate perhaps he should be the one who is doing the adapting not the other 300 kids in the school.

Yes, you could. You could put him in a bubble or lock him in his room.

Or you could just be a decnet human being and make a very small concession that will harm you not in the slightest.

Anyone think that all this banning of all things nut is actually increasing intolerance generally and are we storing up problems for the future? We already frown upon giving nutty things to very young chldren. Shouldnt we be exposing them to it in order to build up tolerance? Im not an expert - just asking.

And teach him that actually he doesn't need to manage his allergy because the world is full of people who are kind enough and competent enough to not bring nuts anywhere near him. That might give him a warm fuzzy feeling today , but leave him dead tomorrow.
As others have pointed out this is the sentiment of the Anaphlaxis (which i can't spell) society.Perhaps you should accept their point of view and that of BRuffin who have more insight than us ?

How do you know what insight we have?

Why shouldn't school be as safe a space as possible for all children? You could say, don't lock the school door because they have to learn not to go outside alone. Don't supervise them in the yard as they have to learn to mind themseleves.
And hand out big sharp scissors to the 5 year olds because their will be scissors out in the big bad world and you can't expect people to never leave scissors lying around.

Don't know about you, but I expect when I had my children in at school that they will make all reasonable efforts to hand them back in the same state. And since a nut ban is not remotely difficult to stick to, why is it such an unreasonable request?

Where is KM? She is very knowledgable about nut allergies and can surely answer a few questions about building up tolerance.

There has to be a happy medium somewhere between hysterical overreaction and being so careless that the child with an allergy is in danger.

Obviously an overreaction would be to ask the children not to eat peanut butter before coming to school.

A sensible precaution would be to ask the parents to be careful not to send nuts into school and to be extra careful with hygiene.

That is not so difficult to do, is it?

I don't claim to be an expert, but my DS has had nut allergy since he was 4 and is now 14. The phylosophy I followed was that it was his allergy and that it was for him and us to cope with and not impose on others, he is also allergic to seseme seeds and they don't ban those in school.

The point of this is that if the school had followed the anaphylaxis campaign advice and not banned nuts, and had proper procedures in place the OP child would actually have been safer than he was today, with the OP having a false sense of security.

I am not deny there are risks but they are extremely tiny even for a nut allergy child. In an 8 year period upto 2002 there were no deaths in the UK due to anaphylaxis in children under the age of 13.
There are a lot of things that cause anaphylaxis such as shell fish and fruit and as I said above seseme, but nobody is suggest everything else is banned, so why make nuts special.

so KM just to play devils advocate ,maybe your child should learn from the outset that it is not safe for him to be in a communal dining hall.

Or anywhere else by that logic.

Are you actually arguing that your childs right to peanuts is more important than another childs right to go to school? Seriously? I must be missing your point, surely.