to seriously worry about a friend of mine?

[NewbeeMummy]

I have a friend who is in the politest term clingy. I?ve always known she was a bit odd, but felt sorry for her as she doesn?t have many friends, and when she first started working at the company I am at, we were in a male dominated department, and she clashed with the few other females there.

To give you an example, I work away from the office on a frequent basis and will occasionally only be in the office 1 or 2 days a month, she'll book lunches in my diary for those days and get really stroppy if I suggest anyone else joins us.

Recently I had a lovely presentation from work as I'm off on my maternity leave in 2 days and she was out of the office when the card did the rounds her comment was "I can't believe they never got me to sign it, especially as I'm your only friend in the office" (she was really upset by this and sent me a 2 page email) Now I have lots of friends in the office and have always been generally well liked.

When I fell pg she had just split up with her bf of several years, as she didn't want children and he did, but once she found out I was pg, she started saying she wanted children and tried desperately tried to get back together with her bf, but he wasn?t interested.

Because I knew I wasn?t doing too well with my pg, she was the first I told, basically I didn?t want her to think me saying, ?I can?t do lunch as I?ve been throwing up all day? was a lame excuse, because otherwise she would then phone and rant at me for ages. Her first comment when she found out was ?well you could always have a termination.? She knows I?ve had two miscarriages so why on earth would she say something like that.

She has now been dating a number of people she has met on websites and is from what I?ve been told is ?putting out? on the first date and deliberately piercing the condoms so she may fall pg.

And she has, in quite a threatening manner, said to me you better let me know when you plan your second one so we can be pg at the same time.

Sorry this post is dragging so I?ll get to the point?.
In the last few weeks she?s made comments about stealing my baby when she?s born (due in 4 weeks) and made some comment about watching my back when about a month ago there was the news story about a pregnant woman who had been killed and her unborn baby cut out of her.

Should I be worried about these comments, am I over reacting to something that I should be seeing as a joke?

Newbee - I don't think it's a joke and would like to offer some support. I had a friend who I would describe as socially inept.

I can't relate to the copying but she would do the turn up unannounced, not pick up on the normal social cues about when its time to leave. We even did the we're going out thing, but she didn't leave until we did. I also couldn't do confrontation and my partner got cross about it saying you just need to spell it out more for her than you would for anyone else ie say you have to go now.

I have distanced myself from her now, although do still see her from time to time. I think in your case if you really can't confront, just try and ease yourself away slowly. Get your partner to always screen the phone and the door and ALWAYS be unavailable with the baby as your excuse. If then anything else happens to unnerve you or upset you, like those comments then get a third party involved like the police , it could be a case of harrassment. As someone else said keep a diary.

Having recently had a baby myself I am so much more assertive than I used to be, I've surprised myself. Your mindset will probably change too once you have the baby to protect and look after. Hope it goes okay, good luck woth your pregnancy xxx

I would keep a diary and avoid any "one to one" with her. I had a neighbour wo was "stalking" me(she would turn up anywhere I was, even the oddest places)and even though she was never threatening it was freaking me out. Your "friend" is really threatening and I think it is very worrying!

No one really need this kind of pressure at the best of times, let alone when you are pregnant!

I know someone who's a bit funny like this, not threatening though. She doesn't like her friend socialising with others and things like that. It could just be lonliness and complete foot in gob disease, or she could be a bit of a stalker. If it's the latter be careful these things can escalate quite quickly. What a fucked up situation to be in!

I think right up until the point that she made the comment about threatening your baby/you watching your back ec, it was pretty harmless.

Once she made those comments, it's clear you need to call in some outside help.

You need to speak to your HR/Boss asap, you need to establish with your work that you will not answer any phonecall from work without them giving you missed calls first. Tell your boss, confidentially, everything you have told us here, and if they think that the police need to be alerted, then go along with it. If you need to get an injunction, they can arrange it.

You need to get this woman out of your life, and I have a feeling she may not go quietly. I hope to God I'm wrong, and it could just be her making stupid throw away remarks.. but what if it's not? She certainly has very little grip on reality.

You only have a couple of days left before you leave the company, please go talk to your boss?

Totally agree with shiney on this one.

OMG just noticed she sits and stares at you when she visits?? Freak alert

That's actually my middle name

Newbee -I dont think this is funny at all. I had the hairs on my neck prickling with alarm bells well before you ot to the baby stealing comments.

I have been latched onto by someone with mental health issues before (in this case a bulimic who lived in shared housing with me) And much like you allowed a bond to form out of pity. I stopped some other girls bullying her etc. It all got kinda scary.

I dont like that she commandeers your time/behaviour(the lunches) and that actualy you are scared of her. You may not see it like that but you are tip toeing round her for fear of angering/upsetting her. This is not friendship and if you thinkabout it whatever is going on there and whther she ends up being violent or not thats not good and needs to stop.

Be careful. Make a judgemtn call on whteher to try to take the relatiionship down a different path or just to sever ties. By new path I mean you will have to tackle some of her behaviour straight up and say some uncomfortable things to her and be really consistent about not letting her pressure you into doing what she wants. Whether is just you two for lunch or her muscling in on your pregnancy/baby/life.

If this doesnt work, or you dont want to try it, just sever the link. Leave a trail in case things get hairy. Inform HR, keep a notebook of any wierd events. Its v v difficult to gte police to act in these cases so building up your evidence before things get too awful is a sensible precaution - just in case you need it. My guess is that if you try to get out of this by avoiding her she might hound you, dont lether bully you in that way either. Its the smae thing wheter you feel forced to go to lunch with someone you dont wnat to or whther that person has you hiding in your house for hours because you want to avoid her

OK now I hope none of the worse case scenerio stuff happens. You sound lovely and kind, dont let that gte taken advantage of. Be calm and kind to her about things, dont shout/insult etc but be very clear and firm.

Good luck