to have had a word with the head of KS1, who taught ds1 last year, about something I am not happy about in his new class?

[Greensleeves]

DS1 is nearly 7 and has Aspergers. He is a clever little thing and is having some of his lessons with Y6 (science, IT etc) and extension activities and all that jazz. He can be difficult to manage in class especially during carpet times etc because he will forget himself and shout out answers or get over excited.

He is very eager to please, wants to be accepted, and will work hard to overcome his difficulties to please a teacher/parent - he isn't rude or nasty, and he isn't deliberately disruptive.

The teacher who had him last year is the head of KS1 - she handled ds1 brilliantly, kept me informed and we consulted each other regularly, shared strategies etc. He blossomed and thrived in her class, she felt very strongly that he did not need singling out with things like visual timetables/red and yellow cards for behaviour etc. She and her TA managed him really skilfully and as a result of this (IMO) he has grown into a happy confident little boy who has good friendships with his peers and is accepted.

His new class (Y2) is a job-share between 2 teachers, neither of whom are approachable and one of whom seems to actively avoid speaking to me. I asked a week into term whether we could meet to discuss his IEP and have a chat about his AS and how things were going to work - she said there was no point until she had had a chance to write a new IEP "unless you want to see the old one" I don't need to "see" it - I have a copy - I wanted to meet the bloody woman and have a brief chat about my son's SN

ds1 came home upset yesterday saying that this teacher has put him on a red/yellow card system (like football) - just him, nobody else in the class (there are far more disruptive pupils in that class than ds1)

also that she had not told him what would happen if he got a red card! I feel upset that he is being singled out and made to look and feel different in this way - he managed to go through the whole of Y1 without having an "I've got two heaqds" placard hung around his neck - he has only been in there for a couple of weeks and already this is happening

I am tbh terrified that his integration with his peers and his sense of belonging/being accepted is going to be damaged and that this could be the thin end of the wedge - I know that sounds irrational but I am panicking and feeling really angry about the lack of communication and the arbitrariness of this - they hardly know him yet, I think it's a lazy approach

my ds2 is in Y1 now and has the (amazing) teacher ds1 had last year. She is also head of KS1, so I asked her this morning whether it would be OK to ask her advice about ds1. She adored ds1 and was more than happy for me to ask her advice. I told her about the card system and the fact that neither of the job-sharing Y2 teachers seemed to be willing to have a conversation with me, and said thereasons why I was not happy about him being singled out with special cards etc - I think it is disabling and unnecessary. I knew she agreed with this because we discussed it last year after the ed psych had advised her to use them! She said she will do a bit of discreet investigating and see what she could do.

AIBU to be in a right old lather about this?

Blimey, I think you were totally justified in talking to his old teacher.

In fact, tbh, I'd be tempted to ask her if she'd come in on your meeting with the new teachers. It sounds like she gets your ds, and as such could be a useful voice in your/ds's favour in the staffroom...

All depends how new teachers would take that of course, but it feels like good practice to me to ensure continuity of approach and learn from what has worked.

I guess if it was positioning ito "last years approach was so fruitful & we've been so impressed with how ds has progressed at Dotherbery Manor, we'd really like to make sure that we keep up that momentum, and I wanted to hear your ideas on how we do that"

I will consult deepdarkwood on all letters to school from now on. You are ace.

that IS ace

a meeting with the old teacher there would be fantastic actuallly. I imagine she can be blunter than I can without buggering up relations for the rest of the year

claw3, I wonder whether the new teacher (the half of the job-share that I asked about IEP meeting) just has the wrong approach to SN and IEP's? She said there was no point meeting to discuss his IEP until she had had a chance to write a new one, "unless you want to see the old one" I don't need to see it, I have a copy, that wasn't what I was asking for!

I really don't want to be the PITA parent, but it looks as though that is what is going to have to happen.

incidentally the other half of the job-share spoke to dh the other day when he was dropping the boys off - she said that she had a meeting arranged with the headteacher to discuss ds1 academically - they had sent him to IT with Y6 that day. It all sounds very disjointed and chaotic to me

he is a little darling, he got the sparkle back in his eyes last year and has a good attitude to school - he has confidence and loves praise and loves learning and being with the other children - I feel quite homicidal at the thought of that being damaged by crap teachers

I shouldn't say "crap teachers", that is hasty

but I'm not keen on his sitting in with Y6 for lessons either - what are they going to do, teach him the Y6 curriculum for 5 years in a row? He will be bored to death and it will do nothing for his behaviour

GS - Yes she definitely doesnt sound too aware of SN's, you will meet quite a few along the way!

Could you ask to attend the meeting that teacher has arranged?

Could you speak to the SENCO at the school, instead of the teacher?

I have found you really have to speak up when you are concerned and not care about the 'over anxious mother' label. Hands GS thick skin and bullet proof vest

My mum is a teacher, and my dad teaches teachers. I have extra-curricula help in Apparently Submissive Teacher Challenging.

It's also harder for the new teachers to ignore old teacher (esp if she is officially superior ie head of KS1) And then if they don't do it, you have automatic back up, so to speak.
And you can gently defer to her in the meeting (this positioning yourself as Helpful Parent) thus:
' Well Mrs X, I think you found x,y,z helpful last year? From a home point of view, x,y,z meant that ds felt confident/supported/etc. How do you imagine managing that element?"

Minty scribbles script and eye batting instructions on the back of her hand.

Greeny they need to think about what he will be doing for the next few years. It will be very boring for him otherwise. Have you heard of Scratch. It is a tool for teaching programming to kids your DS would love it. It can be downloaded for free. It is easy to use and he could do that in ITC instead of going slowly mad.

Just to add another voice, I would definately ask for a meeting. It is better to get things sorted out now at the beginning of the year than to let them deteriorate as you will then wish you had acted sooner. DS had slightly different problems last year and I wish I had acted when I was first concerned. It is still dragging on now even after the summer holidays (another story altogether) but this year I have already had 2 brief meetings with the SENCO several chats with the classroom assisitant and am seeing the teacher tomorrow afternoon.

Don't worry about being seen as a pushy mum. No-one else is going to fight for your child. Everyone else has told me this and it is very good advice.

Good luck with it.

(((((hugs)))))))))) Greensleeves.

YANBU this is BULLSHIT.

My DS in year 3 has dyslexia and his year 2 teacher and TA were brilliant with a handover to the year 3 ones. Not much happened for the first 2 weeks and he come home with some spellings that he clearly would notbe able to do.

So I asked for a meeting, write a polite note asking for one and I got one and we sat and talked and I emphasized that we wanted to keep with the same level of help etc from last year as, like you, confidence is the big issue.

To cut a long story short we all ended up on the same page, they have totally understood him, I am happy they do and with what they are doing in class with him.

Write, a polite, yet firm note along the lines of helping your son both at home and at school (you can have a copy of my letter if you like). I also talked to last year's TA who had a word with the new one and this seemed to kickstart it all.

Don't get brushed off, get in there and talk.

Meant to say that confidence is key with my DS. He is so sensitive to feeling a bit different and gets so frustrated not being able to read what he wants to read. He was really upset the other day as a classmate referred to him as one of the 'thick ones' at lunchtime. I am like you and want to get in there and yell and protect my child with all my might, and it's soooooooooo disappointing you can't!!!!!!

I can totally see why you're feeling so worried about this situation. Their confidence about school and as you say, sense of acceptance, is just so important.

I do think you shouldn't jump to any conclusions about the red card system until you have had this meeting. It is still possible that they run this for all the children. If not, then go all guns blazing, of course!

I agree it is a really good idea to have a 'handover' meeting with last years teachers to this years. They need to help him to know how to remain one of the 'good' ones this year - how clever of him to articulate how much better he felt being seen as one of the good ones. He's clearly clever, a great kid, and wants to be good. They've got the perfect raw material there, they just need a bit of skill to make it happen for him, so if they don't show that skill and even make things regress for him then my goodness I think you would be entitled to be getting very angry indeed

But I'd say don't leap in yet, have this meeting, make it happen

Good luck

I will definitely wait a few days before doing anything else - although I'm considering asking whether I can come to the meeting one of his teachers is having with the head

I'm pretty confident that the cards are just for him - he was very specific and he is rarely wrong about things like this. He was really down-hearted about it.

I agree with maryz-you have to fight for your own DC-it is too important to let it slide. I can understand that they aren't on top of the IEP yet, there is a lot to do with a new class, and I can understand that they haven't worked out the best way to handle him- but they should be very willing to talk to you and his last teacher. Education should be a school/home partnership.

maryz I am so sorry to hear things have gone so wrong for your ds

I would be heartbroken and furious that he has been let down so badly - but it isn't your fault, parents can't do everything.

It chills me to think how easily everything we have worked for with ds1 could go out of the window if he has one teacher/set of teachers who don't like or understand him, you are right about how quickly children get labelled and given a wide berth by the others

sorry you are having troubles with the new teacher

All children at my dds' school have the red and yellow card system, one of them was explaining it to me today (my scatty one gets them regularly for forgetting to take in her homework, or forgetting to bring her homework home, or forgetting her PE kit... what am I going to do with her? She's never naughty at school, just utterly forgetful, but that's another thread).

I would check about the card system because it is a widespread system.

AAARRRGGGH this is ridiculous

the other half of the job-share (Miss Z)spoke to dh this morning saying "I gather you have some concerns about our proposed card system) (proposed they are already using it!)and said that her colleague (Miss Y, the one who started using the cards) had been spoken to by Miss X (head of KS1) and had left a message on our phone last night

there is no bloody message on the phone

Miss Y won't be there until Monday now and then Miss Z won't be there until Thursday

now what do I do? Ring the school and explain that there is no such message? The teacher who is meant to have left the message isn't there today

I am really fed up, why can't they just do what they say they are going to do?

and I think I am going to be in the doghouse for going to Miss X instead of tackling them head-on

How well do they reespod to email ? I am always working so I do that rather than phone ours are quite good at responding. . Very frustrating Greeny

respond obviously. I think i need a coffee

I would object much less strongly if they were using the card system for the whole class btw - it's the singling out that has really knocked me off my perch (and upset ds1)

I still think it's a lazy crappy way of managing behaviour though, unless a child is SO extreme that there is no other way of getting them to understand (which ds1 isn't)

I need a coffee too

I don't know about emailing them, I've never tried it!

I agree to single out one child is just plain wrong. I would be very angry.

I am just as angry about my dd having to sit next to the teacher at carpet time but I think i have cracked that one now.

Making you a coffee right now. Try going to the website and use the contact email address - mark it as urgent and ask them to forward it to the teacher. It woorks in our school because they have thier laptops on in the classrooms all the time. Worth a try ?

Hi Greensleeves - would just like to add my solidarity, and ditto the suggestion about asking for a meeting with all three teachers. If Miss X was so successful, it's only sensible to look for continuity - for your son most importantly, and to make life easier for the two new teachers too (no point in reinventing the wheel, from their POV ). Also this way everyone is involved, and there can be no feeling of anyone going behind anyone else's back, which is easily done when only teacher is present at a time!

Masses of good luck x

thanks thell, I am hoping we can all see it that way - a positive meeting to sort out what is best for ds, rather than a confrontation

I might try emailing later, I think I'll ring first - maybe the teacher who is supposed to have left the message could be contacted and asked to try again?