... to think this parent is being a bit prescious, and this school a bit weak?

[mw14]

Speaking to a friend yesterday, I began to think I've turned into an old git, but on consideration I'm convinced I'm right. My friend has a daughter who is 13. For the first two indoor PE lessons of the term, she claims she forgot her trainers, and as a result, her teacher allowed her to sit out the lesson. The school were displeased though, and emailed my friend to alert her and ask for her support in ensuring she had her full kit. The girl got a talking to from her mother, but then, yesterday, her mother received a phone call from the school.

Apparently, she'd yet again claimed to have forgotten or lost her trainers, clearly expecting to once again sit on the sidelines. However, this time the teacher did the right thing, and ordered her to get changed into her PE kit and to do the lesson in bare feet. For some reason, this upset her, and she's since had the audacity to complain to her mother about it being "unfair" and "horrible".

I don't want to sound like a miserable old sod, but it's almost unbelievable on several levels. Firstly, that the school accepts "I have no trainers" as an excuse. Secondly, that my friend, like so many parents, has not got a proper grip of her daughter, and thirdly that she saw doing PE in bare feet as such a bad thing! AIBU?

YANBU unless the PE lesson was outdoors

No, they were all indoor lessons.

I think the school handled it properly, 3rd strike and you are out (as it were)

If mum is thinking of complaining to school then she is BU

my dd who is 14 would like to get out of doing PE (although funnily enough she is happy to go on the netball trips abroad ...). I ignore her complaints and if school punished her for "forgetting" kit I would back 'em up

In fact, I back up school on all points

unless there is a medical problem, she should be dealt with firmly by both school and parent

unfortunately, many parents are never firm with their kids about anything and have this mistaken idea that kids shouldn't have to be forced to do anything they don't want to

which then undermines school discipline

Anyfcuker, I think you've expressed exactly what I've been trying to! She did wrong, the school punished her, the mother should back the school up! I still think the school set a bad precedent by allowing her to sit out twice though!

The first time she went on about the forgotten shoes it may have been the truth, so the first response (sit out and send a letter) sounds fair to me.

After the second time, perhaps the PE teacher could have talked to the mother and the girl about why this happened and tried to find a solution, or tried to find a way to build the girl's confidence in PE if this is the problem (it cannot be uncommon amongst teenager girls!). If this girl hates PE, then making her run around barefoot will make things a lot worse - she will probably find it humiliating and find it even more of an ordeal from now onwards.

So the PE teacher's response has been weak, and I suspect the problem will just continue. In terms of the mother - I cannot see how she could "force" her 13yo daughter to want to do PE if she hates it...

I think the school did OK actually. Gave her two chances then she was 'out'. FWIW I HATED PE - always last to be chosen in team games, last on the athletics track etc.

For those sympathising with the girl, what do you do when your child says 'Oh but I hate maths/chemistry/domestic science/geography'? Say Oh OK if you can avoid it go ahead and do so?

Minervaitalica, I don't understand why making a girl do PE in bare feet would make any problem a lot worse, or just why it would be humiliating. I'm not picking a fight, I'm genuinely interested.

I can't see that the school is being weak. they gave her two chances, involved the parents, and then called her bluff. Seems fair enough.

Mum ought to be supporting school in this really.

Yes, some children hate PE and this does need to be investigated further to find out why. But not liking a subject isn't really a good enough reason to not take part in a school lesson.

If a child hates maths and found it humilating to get an answer wrong - should they then be allowed to opt out too?

Hulababy, it's the two chances bit I find weak. Punishing her would maybe be unjust, but I don't see lost property trainers or bare feet as a opunishment. Maybe I am being unreasonable about this!

Why does it bother you so much, mw14, when it's not your child?

(I'd have used any excuse to get out of PE myself. PE is unnecessary; Maths isn't).

It just got me thinking, and I wondered if I was an old-fashioned misery! Was keen to get others' views.

Well I wouldn't wear someone else's trainers - so I wouldn't be happy with my child being made too. Yuk! Trainers are relly bad for making feet sweat as it is, let alone it being someone else's stale sweat.

And bare foot can have H&S issues too, depending on what sport they are doing. At DD's school if a child forgets their trainers for indoor PE, and has to go barefoot, then all the girls have to be barefoot too - to avoid treading on exposed toes, etc.

I used to always skive off PE in the fifth year. Me and my best friend went to her house to watch Monty Python's Life of Brian. No wonder I know the script off by heart.

Puppymonkey, you're a very naughty boy girl!

Hulababy, I just thought that if girls hate being in bare feet so much, lost property trainers might offer an alternative.

Hope does your DD and classmates react whenever a child forgets their trainers?

I think friend's daughter was doing gymnastics.

Hulababy, getting sums wrong in a jotter is much less humiliating than having ten teenagers groan at you and yell 'miss, why do we have to have MZ on our team she's shite' etc etc.

We used to skive off to the local cafe until a PE teacher came in and went mental at us.

If you get a sum wrong at least you're not letting the side down. And if you're not sporty then you're not sporty. It's horrible to be forced to do it.

My friend at school had at least 3 periods a month, and forgot her swimming costume on the 4th week. The teacher got her a swimming costume out of lost property (it looked like someone in the 1920s had lost it)

It irritated the feck out of me at the time and I rejoiced when she finally got her comeuppance and had to get in the pool in this non-elasticated monstrosity.

I feel guilty now at how traumatised she probably was at the thought of the swimming lesson....(she was, and remains, a non-swimmer)

To all those who think PE is just something to get out of, or is not as important as, say, maths...

how do you reconcile that with the shocking statistics in childhood obesity in this country ?

for many children, PE is the only physical activity they do in a week imbetween being driven to/from school and being allowed to veg for hours on MSN/PlayStation etc etc

PE should be celebrated and supported by parents, no wonder so many PE teachers are leaving the profession with the apathy displayed by pupils and parents alike .....

this is a bugbear of mine

Imo PE is never going to be the solution for childhood obesity. The only people who actually expend any calories worth mentioning at PE are the ones who are really into it, and they don't need co-ercing.

My own view is that while children do of course need exercise, it's what they eat that makes them obese. To burn off one small Milky Way they'd have to run at full speed for over half an hour. Never going to happen at PE.

Standing moping about, shivering on a hockey pitch, trying to avoid the ball doesn't burn any more calories than walking to the bus stop.

Schools should address this by making PE much more like the private gym experience - ie letting kids do the exercise that suits them, on their own, to music etc, and loosening up on the clothing rules (within reason).

I do body combat at my gym and I freaking love it. I'd have loved it at the age of 13 too but I was never offered it. I was offered cross country and team sports that I was bad at, causing my team mates to hate me.

We used to do PE in bare feet, and in vest and knickers, did me no harm.

YANBU, if my son does this at school it is detention, mother needs to have words with child, school need to get tough, kids needs to stop being so soft.

There are kids in this world have to walk miles without shoes to get a drink of water, don't hear them complaining

Agreed AnyFucker. Once, as an excuse, is OK but not twice. I think that a pile of trainers and kit from lost property is a good idea and then they can be handed out-I guarantee that they then remember their kit.(Sometimes they even manage to 'find' it in time for the lesson!)

MorrisZap. you say that schools should loosen up on the clothing rules (within reason). But in this case what could they do - school shoes, socks/tights?

I so agree MorrisZapp
Watching obese PE teacher clad in multiple tracksuits shouting "It's not cold" at 15 year olds in aertex shirts and gym knickers made me forever hate PE teachers. Cross country torture. Hockey the most primitive sport with people whacking your shins with sticks. Communal showers, coldish water, filthy changing rooms with mud everywhere, teacher holding towels and passing us bits of buttermilk soap, euch euch euch.

That's the reason girls hate PE and don't do team sports in adult life.

KIMI, not sure vest and knickers wouold be a good idea at this age!

I didn't mean in reference to this, sorry. Obviously you need proper shoes for gym.