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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this is a little insensitive....

36 replies

Littlepurpleprincess · 22/09/2009 19:17

I was at a soft play area with DS this afternoon and there were two mums sat at the table next to me having a very loud conversation about how awful teenage parents are. They were discussing a TV programme called Underage and pregnant or something and they had the most awful steroetypical views.

I am a young parent. I know these mums from other parent groups and they know I had DS fairly young. Even if they didn't, I'm quite obviously a teen mum. I'm 20 and DS is 3, but I could very easily pass for about 15.

They new I could hear them, and they were basically implying that children of teenage parents are messed up and embarrased by their mums as they get older as "teenage mums relive their lost youths when their kids are teenagers". WTF?

What utter bollocks. DS is loved, well cared for, well fed and clothed. DP and I both work, we are not on benefits and provide for our child and at no point in my life have ever felt the need to dress in a mini skirt and go out clubbing so why would they assume that I will do this when DS is 16?

Everyone is entitled to their opinion and all that but don't you agree it's a bit rude to make those comments when they knew I was in ear shot?

OP posts:
rubyslippers · 22/09/2009 19:19

i think you are over thinking it

Original poster
Littlepurpleprincess · 22/09/2009 19:19

probably....lol.

OP posts:
theowlwhowasafraidofthedark · 22/09/2009 19:21

They sound rude, their dcs will probably be embarrased by their judgemental mothers in years to come.

BitOfFun · 22/09/2009 19:25

They might have thought you were his big sister?

pinkypanther · 22/09/2009 19:26

Talking about a tv programme is fine. Deliberately making disparaging comments about teenage mums in earshot of you is not so fine.

Don't let them get you down though - sounds like you're doing a great job with your DS.

MrsVik · 22/09/2009 19:26

If you had asked them, they probably would have said 'oh, of course we don't mean you, just like all prejudiced people say!

I think teen mums can make fantastic parents, just as older mums can be awful. Be proud of yourself for being a great mum to your DS and don't dwell on other's idle gossip.

MrsVik · 22/09/2009 19:27

Oops, meant to close quotes after the 'you'!

Original poster
Littlepurpleprincess · 22/09/2009 19:28

lol. DS was with my nan the other day at Thorpe Park and one of the ride attendants said to him, "go and ask mummy if you want a go" and pointed to my nan. SHE'S HIS GREAT GRANDMOTHER! lol.

OP posts:
Original poster
Littlepurpleprincess · 22/09/2009 19:30

Thankyou Pinky and your right MrsVik. It's just a very uneducated point of view.

OP posts:
nickytwotimes · 22/09/2009 19:30

What MrsVik said.
Not the type of conversation to be having in public anyway. Silly women. Sweeping generalisations should always be kept indoors!

Hando · 22/09/2009 19:31

I watched the same show 0 underage and pregnant and I thought it was very good actually. They were factual and showed both goog and bad teenage parents. It's a little extreme as the mothers on there are all under 16, and "teenage" refers to 16-19 yr olds as well.

Some of the parents on there are just kids themselves, silly , immature and totally incapable of looking after the baby (luckily their mothers were there to look after the babies). However, some of them were like model parents, better than many non-teen parents that I know.

I was a teenage mum (well I was just 20 when dd was born). I found that people do look down on you for having children young. They automatically think you are on benefits, have no job and have a council house - none of which applies to me.

I still have my social life and I am young and fit to have fun with dd and be a cool young mum.

Ignore them!

nickytwotimes · 22/09/2009 19:32

And you have no need to defend yourself.

Original poster
Littlepurpleprincess · 22/09/2009 19:41

I really don't like those shows and refuse to watch them.I feel that a 13 year old who is pregnant is a child who needs help and support. She's not a freak show to be used for entertainment purposes, and niether is her child.

OP posts:
MadameDefarge · 22/09/2009 19:45

now, nickytwotimes, where would the fun in life be if sweeping generalisations were kept indoors? No AIBU for sure!

nickytwotimes · 22/09/2009 19:46

True, Madame!

Portofino · 22/09/2009 19:51

I watched that last week and was surprised how maturely the young parents were dealing with it. Particularly the 15 yo twin and her boyfriend. Life is going to be tough for them and I wish them all the best. I was sad to see that the twin sister was also PG! Their poor parents obviously had some understanding of why this had happened. Very, very hard for all concerned!

MiniMarmite · 22/09/2009 19:53

Well you sound rather more grown up than they do!

Oh, and for what it's worth I remember being 5 and thinking all Mums were really really ancient even though my best friend's Mum was only 21.

ErikaMaye · 22/09/2009 19:59

Annoys me no end. Its the pitying glances and whispers behind hands that bother me more. You're more restrained than me, though - I'd have said something There was a bitch woman on the bus recently who started having a go at me along the lines of, "I've paid my taxes for years, and tarts like you are just going to live off them doing nothing for the rest of your lives..." blah blah blah. I must admit I ended up telling her where to go, but hey, she'd been just as rude to me!!!

For what its worth, I don't think age has got any in put whatsoever as to whether you will be a good parent or not. It depends on you as an individual, and your age is no component of your personality, really. Its just a number.

I'm just eighteen, and my little boy is due in eight weeks. I'm dertemind to do the very best I can for him, and for us as a family - just as determind as I would be if I was twenty eight, thirty eight, fourty eight.

Hold your head high and be proud. And then ram into them with the buggy to make yourself feel better

Original poster
Littlepurpleprincess · 22/09/2009 20:08

yeah get em on the back of the ankles with your front wheel. Wicked fun.

Why do they assume that we will live on benefits? I go to a young parents play group and most of the parents are either at collage or working part time, with their partners working full time. AND I know far more young parents who are still with their kid's fathers than older parents.

I think the comment that annoyed me was the 'reliving your youth' thing. I did have a youth actually, not a great one and I certainlly don't want to relive it! She was saying that the kid will be really humiliated when they go clubbing and their mum is in the same club! Who would do that? And does every woman in the world like crappy clubs, alcho pops and shit dance music? Not me....

When DS is old enough to go clubbing I will be 35. Not exactly ancient but I already feel that clubbing is immature and boring. I think I'll be over any interest in it in 15 years time!

OP posts:
scottishmummy · 22/09/2009 20:12

ach dont worry about it playground gossips they hate everyone
young mums
old mums and well if you watch shite on telly it restricts your witty repartee somewhat

ErikaMaye · 22/09/2009 20:13

I tend to get them with my walking stick

Admittedly, I am on benifits, but that's because, like I've said, I'm disabled. However, my condition is improving, which I'm very thankful for, and I intend to start training in April to go into work - I've been ill for nearly two years now, so I missed college. DP works full time. And surely, as long as the child / children are being cared and provided for, does it trully matter??

Well quite!!! Clubs are too loud for me, I can't hear myself think, so we don't have to worry about that one!!! I'm quite with you on that front. I'd much rather sit down with a glass of wine in a nice pub, or at home, and have a chat.

Exactly. I've been twice, and my dislike has increased each time!!!

Original poster
Littlepurpleprincess · 22/09/2009 20:25

There's nothing wrong with being on benefits. I have been in the past. That's what the systems there for, people in need. Claiming benefits for a couple years allowed me and DP to go to sixth form and get quailfied so now we can provide a decent life for DS ourselves. The other choice is what? a crap job stacking shelves at ASDA forever? What kind of life/example is that for my kid? Anyway I will pay back more in taxes over my lifetime than I ever have claimed.

Those TV shows are toxic! The sad thing is I really quite like these mums. They are usually nice people, a bit dim but nice people. I just wonder why they thought it was ok to say those things infront of me?

OP posts:
Stephief · 22/09/2009 20:27

Oh some people are not happy unless they are slagging someone off.
I wouldnt pay too much attention to them.
I rmember being pg with my ds, now 6. I was out shopping with my dd, who was a baby at the time (they were born 12 months apart) and very visably pg with ds, and this old woman (whom I had never met before) started yelling at me across the shopping centre that 'teenage tarts like me should learn to keep their legs closed and stop pushing out baby after baby and being a burden on society' blah blah. I was quite shocked, not only at such a bigoted view, but because I was 25 years old, married, living in a home my husband and I had bought, and both of us worked full time. It was, in fact, my only day off that week, which I thought I would spend getting some xmas shopping done with my baby! But tbh I was also secretly quite chuffed that I could pass as a teenager lol!
Some people are just daft.

ErikaMaye · 22/09/2009 20:27

Because they're inconsiderate. Or maybe you could actually take it as a twisted compliment - they might not think you are young enough to be considered one of these terrible teenage mothers that they obviously despise!

And yes, the shows are terrible. I watched out of interest a few times, but really doesn't seem to do teenage mothers any favours.

Portofino · 22/09/2009 20:31

God - I had my dd at 35! I don't go clubbing anymore! Not that i really want to. Good luck!