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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be angry/confused at DH

62 replies

mcfly79 · 21/09/2009 21:31

here goes,my very first AIBU post

Bought 2 tickets to a gig for DH's b'day,this coming Sunday.The gig is in my hometown so the plan is/was I will be staying with my parents Fri,sat,sun with dd and DH is supposed to drive down Sunday,see the show and drive home the same night.

He is now saying we are struggling for money so he is'nt coming.

I have tried to explain to him that the tix are paid for so all the money we will need is for petrol(got £20 tip at work so that would cover it) and that if he does not come down I will have to get train/bus with 8 week old DD(nightmare in itself) which will cost the same or more than the bloody petrol!!!!!!

AIBU to be so pissed off as we NEVER get to do anything as a couple,we have BOTH wanted to see this gig for ages and he just won't bend on this

OP posts:
Original poster
mcfly79 · 21/09/2009 22:05

sorry am slow typer

OP posts:
Spero · 21/09/2009 22:06

Why is it such an issue if - gasp! - a man would like a weekend just to himself. Does he have to have plans?? Why is it such a big deal if he hasn't outlined every waking moment of his weekend to McFly. What are you expecting him to get up to?

Bizarre.

ReneRusso · 21/09/2009 22:07

How far is the journey? Is that enough to put him off?

PerryPlatypus · 21/09/2009 22:07

Tell him that you've decided to cancel the whole trip to save some money and will be selling the tickets. If he seems relieved then you'll know he was telling the truth about the financial concerns. If he insists you still go and stay with your parents then you'll know there's more to it.

Original poster
mcfly79 · 21/09/2009 22:08

DF and Spero,thanks I was getting a bit scared there for a minute.

Yes might see if can leave dd with my parents and come back up the road sat and maybe my dad can drive her home (she's only 8 weeks though,not sure I'd cope)

OP posts:
Spero · 21/09/2009 22:09

If I was a man and I wanted to shag around but keep my wife in the dark, I think I'd say ' o yes darling! super plan. You bugger off Fri/Sat and I'll see you on Sun'. no mess no fuss.

the fact that he is being childish and now refusing to go to the gig suggests he is just pissed off with something.

So yes, suggest you sell the tickets and spend a nice quiet cheap weekend in together and see what he says.

AnyFucker · 21/09/2009 22:10

< comes back and apologizes >

sorry McFly, was a bit nasty of me that

< slaps self >

I can understand the wanting space thing (I loooove time to myself) but I really would be asking more questions about what he is planning to do with his weekend

Not that I think he always has (or anyone has) to account for his actions, but just the fact he is binning you off to do what exactly ???

And he knew you had gone to a certain amount of trouble to get the tickets

It doesn't make sense, unless there is more to this

Original poster
mcfly79 · 21/09/2009 22:11

Journey is 3 hours in car

do understand him wanting time to himself (would like some myself)and I could go away with dd anytime really just annoyed that he only telling me this now.

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 21/09/2009 22:12

< extends choc hobnob in apology >

Original poster
mcfly79 · 21/09/2009 22:15

Really dont think there is more to it than him wanting space,He will really just spend the time playing playstation whilst drinking beer(his idea of heaven)has been difficult since dd born(has reflux)he has always been a bit of a loner and needed a lot of me-time.

OP posts:
Original poster
mcfly79 · 21/09/2009 22:15

ooh choc hob nobs are my favourite,thanks

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 21/09/2009 22:18
Smile
Portofino · 21/09/2009 22:25

Hang on a minute. I read the OP and thought the guy was worried about money and didn't want to go to the gig. I can see that driving there and back in one day might not be much of a "treat". But how did this turn into him getting up to no good whilst dw was away? Did i miss something?

Merrylegs · 21/09/2009 22:29

How are YOU getting to your M+D's? And surely if he joins you on the Sunday he will have had Fri night and Sat to drink beer and play playstation. He is being v. evasive I think, considering these tickets are a birthday treat. You're right, the struggling for money comment is odd because the tickets are already paid for. This is all v. peculiar.

YANBU.

I would be angry/confused too. (And a little weary. Planning a night out when you have an 8 week old baby is exhausting work, I should imagine. Don't think I went out for the first year. ).

Original poster
mcfly79 · 21/09/2009 22:33

Merrylegs, my dad is coming to visit on thursday and staying overnight,he will take me and dd down the road on friday,and you are right he will have had fri and sat to himself,am sad that he dosen't seem to want to spend time with just me,the drive is a lot but we have done it many times before.

OP posts:
bubblerock · 21/09/2009 22:35

Well, he sounds like a twat if he doesn't want to go and see Billy Connolly! BC is fab, wish I could see him live!

Original poster
mcfly79 · 21/09/2009 22:37

Bubblerock-do you fancy two tix then????

OP posts:
PerryPlatypus · 21/09/2009 22:39

I'd want dh to at least be honest about the reason why he has changed his mind about the trip.

If it's about having a whole child-free weekend to himself then he should say so - then Mcfly can arrange for her own child-free weekend for a time that suits her.

Pretending that he's making a big sacrifice for the sake of the family finances would piss me off tbh. He gets his weekend and pretends to be a martyr.

crankytwanky · 21/09/2009 22:44

YANBU.

I'd be reet proper pissed off too if I were you. Tis a long way, but if the journey is broken up with an overnight stay, not so bad. Six hous in a car is a bit heavy going, but he should be grateful, darn it!

Rindercella · 21/09/2009 22:45

Is the journey 3 hours each way? If so, that's probably the reason he's trying to get out of it. The very thought of driving for 3 hours, cuppa with the ILs, gig and then 3 hour drive home is probably making him feel quite bleh.

Lovely idea for his b'day present, but perhaps logistically it's just going to be too much?

bubblerock · 21/09/2009 22:45

lol - bit too far for me unfortunately, take a mate if DH would prefer to be home!! You'll have a fab time, I will stay home watching my old video (one without the Fred West gags removed) and be very jealous! You obviously spent a lot of time sorting a special treat for your DH, he should be a bit more grateful IMO!

Original poster
mcfly79 · 21/09/2009 22:45

perryplatypus-that's it exactly!he's such a jeckyl and hyde.
I would prefer to stay home TBH (packing all the stuff I'll need for DD terrifys me)but my folks need to see her and my dad has already booked time off to come here on thursday.
Think will sell tix and spend the money on lovely clothes/toys for dd

OP posts:
Original poster
mcfly79 · 21/09/2009 22:48

rindercella-I see your point but he's managed the journey both ways when we've went home for football matches.

OP posts:
Rindercella · 21/09/2009 22:52

Ahh - there's your problem. In my experience, men will do anything to watch their team. Just yesterday, DH drove 150 miles, saw the big derby, and drove 150 miles home. He sometimes even does this when his team are playing on Weds evenings...so will finish work earlyish, get up there for 7.30 or whatever, and get home at about 2am Just occasionally we get to go too and have a hotel stay thrown in

Actually, I do think your DH is being abit miserable about this, and should make some effort to appreciate your b'day present to him.

hambler · 21/09/2009 22:54

Is the point he is making that the ticket price was too much and he would rather you sell them?