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AIBU?

to be angry/confused at DH

62 replies

mcfly79 · 21/09/2009 21:31

here goes,my very first AIBU post

Bought 2 tickets to a gig for DH's b'day,this coming Sunday.The gig is in my hometown so the plan is/was I will be staying with my parents Fri,sat,sun with dd and DH is supposed to drive down Sunday,see the show and drive home the same night.

He is now saying we are struggling for money so he is'nt coming.

I have tried to explain to him that the tix are paid for so all the money we will need is for petrol(got £20 tip at work so that would cover it) and that if he does not come down I will have to get train/bus with 8 week old DD(nightmare in itself) which will cost the same or more than the bloody petrol!!!!!!

AIBU to be so pissed off as we NEVER get to do anything as a couple,we have BOTH wanted to see this gig for ages and he just won't bend on this

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mcfly79 · 22/09/2009 14:55

Was re-reading my original post and maybe did come across as bit selfish,but should have explained ........
original plan was the three of us were to drive down on Sunday, Mum looking after LO whilst we at gig and we would stay at Mum's and come home on Monday.

When Dad said he was coming to stay Thursday night I suggested I go back with him so that they could get more time with their grand-daughter and DH would join us on Sunday,DH then decided to drive home Sunday night so he could have a full day off on Monday without having to drive etc,which I thought was fair enough,he is the driver so it's up to him!

So will have another try and ask if there is any other reason he suddenly dose'nt want to go!If no other reason given, I will take one of my friends to the gig and get bus home with DD on Monday and NEVER EVER do anything like this for him again.

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allaboutme · 22/09/2009 09:04

I'd have another talk to him about it.
Tell him that are a little hurt he is turning down his birthday gift from you. Explain again that you've already paid for them and if you dont go you'll lose money, plus you paid for them yourself out of savings and your family budget wont be affected.
Say that as you can see its really not the money thats stopping him, you are concerned as to why he doesnt seem to want to go and ask him to spill the beans and be more honest.. is it the long journey? that he wants a whole weekend to himself? that he doesnt want you to go away without him and would rather the weekend was spent together?

If you tell him you dont mind changing the plans (after all it IS his birthday present!) but you need to know honestly what the problem is or you cant sort things out for the best.

Hope you get to the bottom of it!

GibbonInARibbon · 22/09/2009 08:13

Bloody hell, AIBU these days is like being thrown to the lions.

Pleased to see that people stopped being so nasty to the OP, not often I read open mouthed at people being so unnecessarily mean on here.

To the OP, sorry your DH is acting this way. You must be really disappointed if this was to be a rare treat, time out for the both of you

So my vote is YANBU (and never do something so thoughtful ever again )

ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight · 22/09/2009 07:48

He's being a miserable git. Whether the problem is the 3 hour journey or whatever he's spoiling your lovely plan by being petulant. I'd be really upset.

Don't worry about packing stuff for an 8 week old by the way, as long as you have a car to travel in, just chuck it all in the moses basket and carry it with you, and I'm sure there are shops in dundee

mcfly79 · 22/09/2009 01:19

thanks INALL feeling pretty hard done by,he's getting feck all for christmas by the way

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ineedalifelaundry · 22/09/2009 01:14

I think he's being an ungrateful killjoy twat. What wankish behaviour after the thought you put into a pressie he should've really enjoyed, if only he could get his head out of his own backside long enough to see what a lucky boy he actually is. and for you mcfly.

mcfly79 · 22/09/2009 01:02

mostly yes
he is a bit of a jeckyl and hyde,goes in a huff for about 3 days at a time where he ignores me completley, other times he is lovely.think he gets my share of pms

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hambler · 22/09/2009 00:51

Is he otherwise nice?

mcfly79 · 22/09/2009 00:47

thank you,bloody men(actually just him)

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hambler · 22/09/2009 00:38

Yes I would be upset too. I can't really understand his point at all. Bummer.

mcfly79 · 21/09/2009 23:00

hambler-no he hasnt said that,just that we should'nt be doing anything 'extra' when we are so skint,agree with that but the cost is minimal,and to be honest we are always skint,we dont go out ever,just have a drink in the house,never go on holidays etc and I used my own savings money for tix so it did'nt come out of household budget,this is why I'm upset

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mcfly79 · 21/09/2009 22:56

Thanks very much all,guess will just have to accept his decision,nothing else for it!

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hambler · 21/09/2009 22:54

Is the point he is making that the ticket price was too much and he would rather you sell them?

Rindercella · 21/09/2009 22:52

Ahh - there's your problem. In my experience, men will do anything to watch their team. Just yesterday, DH drove 150 miles, saw the big derby, and drove 150 miles home. He sometimes even does this when his team are playing on Weds evenings...so will finish work earlyish, get up there for 7.30 or whatever, and get home at about 2am Just occasionally we get to go too and have a hotel stay thrown in

Actually, I do think your DH is being abit miserable about this, and should make some effort to appreciate your b'day present to him.

mcfly79 · 21/09/2009 22:48

rindercella-I see your point but he's managed the journey both ways when we've went home for football matches.

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mcfly79 · 21/09/2009 22:45

perryplatypus-that's it exactly!he's such a jeckyl and hyde.
I would prefer to stay home TBH (packing all the stuff I'll need for DD terrifys me)but my folks need to see her and my dad has already booked time off to come here on thursday.
Think will sell tix and spend the money on lovely clothes/toys for dd

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bubblerock · 21/09/2009 22:45

lol - bit too far for me unfortunately, take a mate if DH would prefer to be home!! You'll have a fab time, I will stay home watching my old video (one without the Fred West gags removed) and be very jealous! You obviously spent a lot of time sorting a special treat for your DH, he should be a bit more grateful IMO!

Rindercella · 21/09/2009 22:45

Is the journey 3 hours each way? If so, that's probably the reason he's trying to get out of it. The very thought of driving for 3 hours, cuppa with the ILs, gig and then 3 hour drive home is probably making him feel quite bleh.

Lovely idea for his b'day present, but perhaps logistically it's just going to be too much?

crankytwanky · 21/09/2009 22:44

YANBU.

I'd be reet proper pissed off too if I were you. Tis a long way, but if the journey is broken up with an overnight stay, not so bad. Six hous in a car is a bit heavy going, but he should be grateful, darn it!

PerryPlatypus · 21/09/2009 22:39

I'd want dh to at least be honest about the reason why he has changed his mind about the trip.

If it's about having a whole child-free weekend to himself then he should say so - then Mcfly can arrange for her own child-free weekend for a time that suits her.

Pretending that he's making a big sacrifice for the sake of the family finances would piss me off tbh. He gets his weekend and pretends to be a martyr.

mcfly79 · 21/09/2009 22:37

Bubblerock-do you fancy two tix then????

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bubblerock · 21/09/2009 22:35

Well, he sounds like a twat if he doesn't want to go and see Billy Connolly! BC is fab, wish I could see him live!

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mcfly79 · 21/09/2009 22:33

Merrylegs, my dad is coming to visit on thursday and staying overnight,he will take me and dd down the road on friday,and you are right he will have had fri and sat to himself,am sad that he dosen't seem to want to spend time with just me,the drive is a lot but we have done it many times before.

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Merrylegs · 21/09/2009 22:29

How are YOU getting to your M+D's? And surely if he joins you on the Sunday he will have had Fri night and Sat to drink beer and play playstation. He is being v. evasive I think, considering these tickets are a birthday treat. You're right, the struggling for money comment is odd because the tickets are already paid for. This is all v. peculiar.

YANBU.

I would be angry/confused too. (And a little weary. Planning a night out when you have an 8 week old baby is exhausting work, I should imagine. Don't think I went out for the first year. ).

Portofino · 21/09/2009 22:25

Hang on a minute. I read the OP and thought the guy was worried about money and didn't want to go to the gig. I can see that driving there and back in one day might not be much of a "treat". But how did this turn into him getting up to no good whilst dw was away? Did i miss something?

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