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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Not to have dropped DH off at the hospital?

36 replies

Schnullerbacke · 21/09/2009 12:50

So perdiodicaly we have this argument, I'm a SAHM and obviously don't earn any money and obviously HE is the one bringing all the money home.

Two days ago we had a normal chat about divorce, not us, but in general as we know some people who are getting divorced. He thought it was not fair that the wife gets so much of the divorce settlement until I had to explain that we work harder than men (7 days a week), enable them to further their career and usually foresake ours etc. In any case, the money is not for the wife to go on a cruise trip (although probably well deserved), its used to look after the kids if she cannot work. Ok, think I got my point across and he said he can see my point.

So yesterday we had a little domestic over the words 'mine' and 'yours'. He is Asian and when we first met he said he cannot understand us Westerners and how everything is divided into 'mine' and 'yours.
He slipped up yesterday again and said 'my' money and 'my' car so I called him a hyppocrite (sp?). Then he said he has to protect himself as if I was ever to divorce him he would be left with nothing.

I was fuming.

Ok, so we argue every now and then like everyone else does but we don't talk about divorce and stuff. I guess it must be in his mind somehow or he would have not brought it up.

To come to the end of this, I'm obviously deeply offended to be called a goldigger, threw his bank card at him and gave the key back to 'his' car.
He had to go to hospital today for a shoulder operation and I was meant to drive him and pick him up on Wed as he won't be able to drive (45 mins drive each way).

He didn't apologise so needless to say he was driving himself today in HIS car.

I did feel a bit guilty after he left and called his mobile to see whether I should drive him (still wouldn' have talked to him though), called 4 times but he didn't pick up so that was that.

So if you are still with me, AIBU?

OP posts:

OrmIrian · 21/09/2009 12:52

Hmmm don't know about the rest of it but yes, you should have taken him to the hospital. Poor bugger

NeedCoffee · 21/09/2009 12:53

hmmmmmmm yes a little bit, you should have risen above it really, how's He going to get back on Wed?

I would have probably felt the same but would have driven him.

OrmIrian · 21/09/2009 12:55

Well 'should' is the wrong word, but I would have. Some things are more important than disagreements.

Itsjustafleshwound · 21/09/2009 12:55

YABU - stop playing games and grow up!!

Tortington · 21/09/2009 12:56

yes you were.

you could have driven in silence, playing music he hates - loudly, refusing to talk, offering cheek not lips when it comes to kiss.

lock the door after he closes it - just as a full stop to the events and crive off with a wheel spin.

been there!

GetOrfMoiLand · 21/09/2009 12:56

Christ, that's harsh. What a horrible way to go into an operation. You should have taken him. If I were you I would drive to the hospital and apologise, and wish him well.

The rest of it sounds like a stupid debate which has got out of hand, to be honest you didn't help yourself by saying that SAHMs have it harder, 7 days a week etc. What a load of rubbish.

LuluMamaaaaarrrrr · 21/09/2009 12:57

YABU and so is he , but escalating an argument to the point you are throwing stuff at him and not taking him to the hospital for an appointment.. how is that better than him calling oyu a goldigger??

how will you ever get back on an even keel if one of you always has to go one better

i think also saying women work harder than men, and implying that men are somehow not as good/worthy or hardworking as women is not goign to make him feel appreicate....

you both need to take stock and talk properly

i think it is sad you would rather try to retain the high ground than help him out when he has surgery

hereidrawtheline · 21/09/2009 12:57

hmm

I think I'm with the OP here... dont know if that makes me mean or not but I'd be fuming if my DH was talking like that. You cant have it both ways really can you? Your car but your wife drives you around seems a piss take to me.

expatinscotland · 21/09/2009 12:58

What Custy said.

Yeah, I'd have done that.

He could get out whilst the engine was running and then I'd peel off.

Job done.

Tombliboobs · 21/09/2009 12:59

I am not sure tbh, it would worry me that 'Then he said he has to protect himself as if I was ever to divorce him he would be left with nothing' Perhaps it will do him good to see what it would be like to be a divorcee, if he is already thinking of it!

I think you are probably both being unreasonable.

hereidrawtheline · 21/09/2009 12:59

i do agree that it sounds like you both need to change the way you speak to each other - but I would be very angry if he was going on about protecting himself and all the stuff was "his" because he worked. Then he can pay for a taxi.

oldraver · 21/09/2009 13:06

So you'll be walking for few days . If he is having a shoulder op he wont be able to drive so so will have to get a taxi home or you will have to go and get the car and pay extortionate car park fees if its it the hospital car park

pooexplosions · 21/09/2009 13:09

Sounds like you probably should get divorced. Do you even like each other?
I can't imagine any argument that would prevent me of being supportive of my husband when he was having an operation, especially not one based on petty semantics.

YABU, extremely.

GetOrfMoiLand · 21/09/2009 13:13

Plus why are you cutting your nose off to spite your face? Presumably you have no car now (unless you have a car if your own, in which case your DH rambling in about 'his' car being 'his' - he actually has a point).

I am not surprised that you are theoretically discussing divorce if this is the general level of discourse in your house.

You are supposed to be his partner yet you leave him to go off to have an op (presumably under a general) with a flea in his ear, so you have 'won' the argument.

Shame.

rookiemater · 21/09/2009 13:16

Husbands and wives are meant to support each other through the big things and tbh if you can't be bothered taking him to the hospital because of some argument over semantics, it is kind of sad. YABU.

LilRedWG · 21/09/2009 13:17

Just an aside - if he is having a GA the hospital will not even operate unless someone is collecting him and staying with him for 48 hours afterwards.

Lilyloo · 21/09/2009 13:17

yabu , surely you should sort out your argument before he goes into hospital for surgery ?
to not drive him was petty tbh
sounds like you were being just as vindictive as him in the argument , the divorce comment probably came up as you had recently both been discussin it ?

Lilyloo · 21/09/2009 13:18

'discussing'

famishedass · 21/09/2009 13:18

YABU . You should have been there for him, not punishing him just because he disagreed with you.

It's not too late. Go to the hospital and take him lots of nice things. Sort his car out for him.

AMumInScotland · 21/09/2009 13:19

I think you need to call a truce long enough to decide whether you want to continue in this relationship - tbh you both sound pretty immature in the way you relate to each other.

If you love him, and want to be in a supportive caring relationship, then I think taking him to hospital for an operation would be something you would automatically do, even if you are pissed off at him.

Equally, he needs to understand that it's not just his money even if he is the wage-earner, and you are not a gold-digger if you are a SAHM.

OrmIrian · 21/09/2009 13:22

Did he call you a 'gold-digger' though?

Sassybeast · 21/09/2009 13:24

YABU. Who is going to pay the car parking fees for one thing ? Poor bugger - no matter how much of an arse you think he is, he's about to have (presumably) a general anaesthetic and surgery which may significantlt limit him for a while (DH had shoulder surgery last year). Not your finest hour but not to late to do something about it.

GetOrfMoiLand · 21/09/2009 13:25

I agree famished. Instead of ucking around on here perhaps OP should drive to hospital before her DH goes into theatre.

OP - how would you feel if you had to have an op and your DH told you to drive yourself after a petty argument?

diddl · 21/09/2009 13:25

How old are you both??!!

Jeez I don´t know about unreasonable-downright blöödy mean!!

Do you care about your husband at all??

GetOrfMoiLand · 21/09/2009 13:26

That was meant to be mucking by the way. Not t'other word

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