Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Name being shortened, upset DD

59 replies

Kathrina · 20/09/2009 12:46

My 12 yr old DD went to visit her 18mth old cousin the other day. While she was there my DD shortened her cousins name and was told off by her Auntie my SIL. My DD came home very upset and i asked her what had happened she told me. I know some people do not like their childrens names to be shortened but to upset a 12 yr old is not on. I have told her not to go for a while. My hubby said not to take any notice but my DD is upset as she loves her cousins. What can i do and am i being unreasonable in keeping her away for a while thanks.

OP posts:
bidibidi · 20/09/2009 13:35

I think your SIL is being precious, OP, but she will get her comeuppance on that, anyway.

If your DD is that sensitive (am not criticising being sensitive, we all have sensitive phases) then suggesting that she keep away until she grows a thicker skin might be a good idea. YANBU if you view it as a temporary measure.

piscesmoon · 20/09/2009 13:48

It seems a fuss about nothing. Ignore. Just tell your DD to stick to the name if SIL prefers it. Your SIL will find that once her DC goes out into the world she has no control, whatsoever, over the name so you might as well let her have her way at the moment.

diddl · 20/09/2009 13:57

I think if your daughter has heard the name being shortened it´s not really fair to pull her up on it.

Maybe gently say "Id prefer Isabelle", but if the father shortens it!

If the SIL is p!ssed off at her hubby for calling daughter Iz, she should tell him!

brettgirl2 · 20/09/2009 18:06

YABU, I think that it just came across sharper than your SIL probably meant it to.

Your daughter is being very oversensitive.

Goblinchild · 20/09/2009 18:13

Perhaps as the parent of a sensitive DD, you could help her put things into perspective, rather than supporting her in judging everything that bothers her as a 10 out of 10 on the distress monitor.
She got told not to shorten a name, she should remember that next time, you help her develop a sense of proportion.

crokky · 20/09/2009 18:14

Well I think your SIL is being a bit silly. The child is at some point going to get called Izzy whether your SIL likes it or not.

It sounds like your SIL spoke to your DD sharply. IMO, it was unnecessary, but you should just have a chat with your DD and say that sometimes people do say things more sharply than they meant to and to forget about it. (if your SIL is generally a nice person).

I heard a dad at DS's nursery correcting a staff member - she called his DS "Josh" and he wanted his DS called "Joshua". He ticked the lady off quite sharply and TBH it made me want to avoid him as I think it was a prickish thing to do.

WhereYouLeftIt · 20/09/2009 18:16

I'm surprised the cousin has reached the age of 18 months without this issue coming up before, tbh.

GibbonInARibbon · 20/09/2009 18:17

Don't stop visits and if it has upset you that much, use the shortened version as every given opportunity

simplesusan · 20/09/2009 18:19

Well I have corrected people in the past for shortening my dd's name, but to be fair the shortened version does not sound like the long version iyswim.

My dd even corrected the teacher after she kept calling her by this nickname! To be fair though when she started school, the school did ask if she was to be known by her full name and I did say yes so they didn't have an excuse.
In your case I would let it go, if it bothers your sil then remind your dd to call her by her full name. As others have said both could have been feeling a bit stressed out that day.

nooka · 20/09/2009 19:13

It is perfectly possible not to use shortened versions of names. It's not inevitable! I know a number of people (adults and children) that always use the long form, including at school. Sometimes a parent might like one short form and not another, and that's OK too. I have pretty much always used the full version of my name. My family always use a short version, but have always been very clear that the most obvious short form was not to be used, and as I agreed with them it never has. i have occasionally had to be very firm with people who assume it's just fine to call me a nickname even though I have just told them my name. I generally assume that if someone says my name is xxxxxxx then that's what they want to be called, not xxie IYSWIM.

franklymydear · 20/09/2009 19:16

your sil said her name is isabelle and not izzy and your 12 year old is so upset you're planning on keeping her away

she's a bit of a drama queen isn't she, and you're pandering to it aren't you?

mine would get an eye roll for such an over-reaction and definite play for attention - it's a bit pathetic

Wilts · 20/09/2009 19:19

I have a long hyphenated name, it is never shortened. Ds1 has a name that you would not think can be shortened, but is by his friends .

Ds2 has a name that has a common shortening and is called by that and his full name.

I would never shorten someone else's name without making sure they are happy with that first.

Yes, they are likely to shorten names when they go to school, but I have got to the grand old age of 30 21 without having my name shortened, it is just a case of being firm .

I really don't see the problem with being asked not to use a shortening.

piscesmoon · 20/09/2009 19:20

I always call my DSs their full names but most people don't. DSs like the short version-it has to be their choice. You give the name but you can't control. I introduce myself with my shortened version and that is what people call me. My mother now uses it too, but it wouldn't make any difference to me if she didn't like it.

colditz · 20/09/2009 19:21

Overprotective mothers on both sides.

You need to model to your daughter how to react to people being oversensitive, rather than agreeing with her that her reaction was justified.

LIZS · 20/09/2009 19:27

yabu your sil is within her rights to ask that her child be called her full name. Maybe she is a bit fed up with having to correct people and her dd isn't yet old enough to do so herself. Whether it will always be used only time will tell. Move on.

PeedOffWithNits · 20/09/2009 19:28

SIL is in for a shock when her DD is a bit older and chooses only to answwer to the version of her name she wants!

but OP is OTT, and DD should not over react to something so trivial

piscesmoon · 20/09/2009 19:33

There was no need for anyone to react. OP should keep out of it, SIL should take it as a warning sign of what is to come and DD should try to remember not to do it in front of her aunt!

ConnieComplaint · 20/09/2009 19:38

My childminder has a mindee called Aidrian - the children (and his parents etc) call him 'Aidy'

My sister had a baby boy - called him Aidan - My dd (7) called him Aidy by mistake one day & my sister said, "No, don't shorten it to that, I don't like it, there's a guy at school (she's a teacher) called Aidy & he's got no manners!"

Maybe your SIL knows a cheeky Izzy?

WynkenBlynkenandNod · 20/09/2009 19:43

I have a coming up for 11 year old DD who is a total drama queen and very hormonal atm. I've found the best thing to do is to be very low key to reacting to things like this and then it blows over quickly and is done with.

DoNotBringLulu · 20/09/2009 19:46

Agree your dd is probably feeling sensitive to criticism, but shortening the name grates on your SIL. Hope dd gets over it in a couple of days.

Your SIL probably appreciates her visits as she can keep her cousins entertained, especially the 18mo, so I wouldn't stop her visiting if I were you.

scottishmummy · 20/09/2009 19:51

if sil doesn't want it shortened,fair enough.your dd shouldn't shorten it then

no point stopping them seeing each other,that is bit churlish and doesn't actually resolve anything

but a 12yo is capable of understanding not shortening - do praise and reinforce her efforts to do so

kittycatty · 20/09/2009 20:03

People are always shortening my name and i hate it, really hate it . But my daughter prefers the shortened version of her name. Once the child is old enough she will decide for herself, until then it might be better to use the full name.

MistergodthisisSal · 20/09/2009 20:04

Yes, I think YABU, but with good intentions. Whilst I understand that an upset dd is unfortunate, I feel discussing this situation and explaining that some people are quite sensitive about names and to keep that in mind in future, would have been more beneficial to her in the long run.

Even if sil was rude (but keep in mind it could just have seemed that way to a sensitive young girl), keeping her away for a week is judging sil, in front of dd. I'm not sure that's good (but human, of course), and means she won't know how to deal with this kind of situation if / when it happens again.

For what it's worth, I hate it if someone shortens ds's name, even though I know you can't control it forever. With family though - once someone's known by their nickname, it'll stick until they're 80!

mumeeee · 20/09/2009 20:16

YABU to stop the visits. She was probably told not to call her cousin by that name.

Knickers0nmahead · 20/09/2009 20:20

Why put a stop to visits? Even for a week? She was told not to shorten her name.

I put everyone right as soon as dd was born and told then her name wasnt to be shortened.

Your dd is over-reacting big time to be 'very upset'

Swipe left for the next trending thread