To hate next doors dd

[chocaddict]

Have been told loads of times by dp that I am been silly and should act more like an adult but I loathe next doors dd she is 9 years old and is a horrible nasty crafty bully.
Her and ds who is 8 used to play alot together and I welcomed her inot my house fed her welcomed her when ds had other freinds over.
It all started 6 months ago when more nieghbourhood children came onto the scene and she turned on ds and managed to influence others into not been his freind as it is they have abandoned her as well.
I had had to speak to her parents about one particular episode where she carried on bullying ds infront of me despite my asking her to stop.
I thnk she has loathed me since that which is probably the reason why she totally shuns us with a ignorant angry look whenever we are on our driveway at the same time her mom is still on good talking terms with me but her nasty little dd looks the other way and stomps off.
The spiteful little thing is also making nasty little comments to ds at school about his freckles saying that they make him look ugly I was wondering why he kept saying he hates them she has also been saying to his mates that he is an horrible little boy.
Her behaviour a few months ago when alot of her behaviour came to a head consisted of throwing snowballs at my house, and flinging my porch door open when I took ds in away from her nastiness.
So am I unreasonable to hate her with a passion or am I been silly and are girls normally so vile.

I do not think you are being unreasonable at all to be honest, there is no law that says you have to like everyone, and you do not have to like her because she is a child, she sounds vile.

No i would never show that i dont like the girl, i would just not like her internally. I might tell her that what is is doing is not nice and would she like it if others did to her what she does to the op ds.

There is a big difference between a child and an adult though. A child's parents are ultimately responsible for a child's general behaviour and attitude whereas an adult who is wholly responsible for their own behaviour. Therefore I think it is never appropriate to 'hate' a child.

Obviously a child should also have a lot of responsibility for their own behaviour but persistent disrespect for adults and bullying of other children is rather a large problem that I believe the parents are ultimately responsible for. Are her parents and the school even dealing with this?

Effectively, my belief is in not 'hating' anybody but hating behaviour and holding the right person responsible for the bad behaviour so that steps can be taken to change it. Hating a person is by and large a big waste of time and energy.

In this case the child is largely responsible for her own behaviour because she is eight but the OP has not gotten anywhere with dealing directly with the child and so that is an indicator that the real problem may be with how the child has been raised or something that is happening at home so it would be more appropriate to deal with the adults that are responsible for her i.e. her parents and the school.

This and attempting to support the OP's own child through the difficulty.

YABU OP. This girl is a child of 9. Children that age are often cruel, naughty or very mean to each other. She is being sneaky and teasing your ds. She is a child though. YABU to hate a child.

JUNGLIST - Ask her who the hell she thinks she's screwing her face up at!!?? If she's throwing things at your house run outside and scare her. If she wants to act like a nasty brat she can be treated like one. That'll put a stop to it, she thinks you're soft at the moment. Invite her friends to your house to play with your DS and leave her out like the little cow she is

God, that is awful. how can you talk like that / behave like that with a child. She thre snowballs at OP's house - not bricks! She pulls faces, so bloody what? as an adult I hope I am mature enough to ignore childrens silly behaviour and tantrums.

APPLEPIEANDICECREAM - Perhaps I read wrong, or did you make a mistake with the numbers? This girl is being mean to your dd whilst they are out, her parents are the ones that insist on watching her (guessing you don't do that with your kids) and that could be a reason for the jealous bullying? But then you say that girl is 5 yrs older than your dd and she is 11. So your dd is 6? Surely a 6 year old isn't in the situation to get bullied out of school as they are not left to play outside alone?

You can't do anything about her (unless it actually gets physical/she causes property damage). So ignore her, teach your DS to ignore and and work on him work on his confidence, invite other kids over for specific visits/tea etc.

There are some people I just don't like (including kids), stay polite, don't engage and just ignore.

Yes all very well curiosity, like I said if the child is behaving in a nasty and vindictive way it does not exactly endear them to you, i would not hate them as that is a strong word, just not like them very much. Nothing wrong with that really, and i would not show them that i did not like them.

HANDO my own children are my priority so whatever works works. I'm not going to sit there and simper while someone destroys my child. You can do what you like

You be mature while your children sob every night then!! Seriously, have your children been bullied?

junglist - What do you think you are teaching your children by behaving in this way?

I believe your approach is short-sighted. IMO what you are teaching your children is that the way you deal with a bully is to be a bigger bully, they will likely apply this moral perspective to their own lives at some point. It is the classic if someone hits you - hit back harder, this doesn't solve anything and merely perpetuates the original problem.

But nobody bullies my children anymore and no I didn't threaten to hurt them I shouted at them not to mess around with my family using slang that they understand. A gang of 12 year olds threatened to fuck my 9 and 6 year old up. I won't tolerate that in any way shape or form. I'm from Tottenham which is the way it is unfortunately. With street kids if you simper with them you'll have your windows smashed in and your dog gassed. I've seen this happen. Now they have respect for me and mine.

Its all very easy for us to say this, and to behave in a mature way if we have never encountered any bullying and our children are happy at school, but if the boot is on the other foot, and your child is at the reciving end of some really nasty, violent and sustained bullying one would not be so calm about it. You would want to blooming kill the perpetraters. There have been some really sad stories of victims of bullying committing suicide, I dont think that their parents would care one jot about the feelings of their bully and quite rightly so they will even hate them, and who can blame them.

Yes my child has a right to defend themselves if they are physically attacked by a bully, not just stand there and take it, i do believe in that totally.

Me too.

I am with you junglist1, i dont think that i would have the confidence like you do but i would certainly make it known to them that the behaviour is not tolerated and go to the police if necessary.

You are the adult, you need to speak to this girl's mother regarding the teasing at school. I would also speak to the teacher.If she acts like this in front of you you have to tell her to stop it.
It's no good ignoring this behaviour simply because she is a child; we can understand that she is spoilt but in the meantime it's your child that is suffering.

By the way, not all girls are vile!

yes in the case of the op they would need to speak to the girls mother like you said mrsruffallo, and if you see if happening before your eyes you need to tell the girl that the behaviour is not acceptable and that it is not nice etc etc. no not saying all girls like this, its just ones like these give girls a bad name, well i was one once many many moons ago.

My next door neighbour hates me and has told children on the street who have told me . My neighbour is a vile boy who kissed his teeth at me after I had to slam by brakes on when he nearly ran into me on his bike. I told him he was lucky I was going slowly and now he hates me. Next time I'll hit the accelerator.

I've had a girl down the road try and bully me and adult! She used to get her little minions to throw things at my house and play 'Knock up ginger' when my DD1 was just a baby.
One day I just snapped as I saw her goading someone else to thrown mud at the house.
So I just stormed out there stood inches from her face and screamed at her!
She did not even bat an eyelid...must be shouted at all the time by her parents
But after that she left me alone.
Another kid aged 13yrs old was trying to show off in front of her boyfriend and she sat on my wall and shredded one of my plants, big mess everywhere.
So in the evening I just collected up all the mess and dumped it on her lawn.
I'm friends with the mum and the next day told her about it. The mum got her to clean it up when she got back from school.
No trouble since [ Grin]

Well I suppose what I have here is not really very bad bullying I am not too sure what is going on at school and have worried about if ds is being bullied he says that sometimes she follows him about with her mates saying daft things, he says that one of his mates pushes them away.
Not sure if it warrants doing anything I am very cautious my mom thinks I will cause alot of problems by discussing it with her parents and will dig up old worms again.
Honestly she completley shuns him and me with a nasty luck on her face on the driveway but at school she tries to tease him in some way or other however I don,t think its constant serious bullying.
I hope not anyway ds is fine about going to school and only seems to dislike the freckles comment.
My mom thinks I will go down as a laughing stock to bring it up about the freckles and should let ds fight his own battles.
Its really difficult isn,t it but at times adult or not I feel like saying what is your problem when we get the hostile reception on the driveway and to even say to the mom have you noticed your dd's behaviour in our presence not sure if she has or not.
It was as if when other children came inot their freindship that she had to compete with ds for mates or something I am really not sure.
Maybe she has always had this in her dp was never keen on her and neither was my sister and niece who live next door to me.

I can understand parents of girls being on the defensive, and it was a little more of a question than a statement of fact.

Having read of some of these other 'girls from hell' I can quite understand why one might ask.

After all, in the past, it was boys who were more likely to get physical when it came to bullying, and girls more likely to use spiteful mind-games to belittle someone.

When it is psychological bullying rather than physical, it's not going to be so easy to spot, and it doesn't need loud and angry comments to "get to" someone, just a whisper (or more likely, a whisper to a 'friend') can do it.

Hope it all gets sorted.

re Squishabelle's situation (before moving)

What a shame that (given there was friendship when the bully girl neighbour wasn't present) the others didn't stick together and all say no to the bully when invited. It would have given her a taste of her own medicine, whereas it seemed they just felt they'd be ostracised and didn't get any parental guidance to explain how they could all stick together and have fun.

Hando - my DD has been allowed to play outside since she was 4. We live in a cul-de-sac with a large green area in the middle of the street and I check on her every few minutes.

i have disliked my friends DD for ages now but she is a lot younger (she is nearly 4) she seems to be able to convince others she is an ok kid, but a couple of people have come back to me to say they agree with me and that the same has sometimes happened to them. she has a look on her face most of the time that makes me want to slap it off her face. i cant even bring myself to smile at her sometimes although i do for my friends sake. she (the kid) seems to guess how i feel. maybe ive not covered it well enough and i swear it is mutual. she sneers constantly at me and has broken some of ny DD toys quite deliberatly infront of me while i was watching. its hard to tell my DD to play nicely and share her toys when she sees that happeneing. she has pushed my DD around and tried to yank her off the sofa by her foot onto a hard wood floor (of course, this is all when her mother isnt there!!). she has chased my cat when ive told her not to (the cat is old and grumpy and will scratch her).she just looked at me and carried on regardless. she will not say please and thank you. i took her half-eaten snack away from her one day after she refused to say thank you. she didnt even look surprised/upset/disappointed so i really feel she did it on purpose. she had eaten half of it only cos she had already snatched it out of my hand. when her mums around, she feigns shyness and hides behind her legs, but when she's not watched, she is the most vile, bitchy little s**t....she tells my DD to share, then refuses to give toys back. grrr. its only cos i like her mum so much ive not done something i wouldnt regret!!!!

frankiecat you sound demented. you are talking about a 3 year old. stop watching the exorcist

i have actually avoided my friend for a while now cos of this. i know my DD is no saint and she has her moments like any other 4 yr old, but i feel she gets bullied a bit by this kid and im not going to have it.