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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think its not ok to call your dd a stupid cow?

54 replies

Marne · 16/09/2009 16:06

Just coming out of school and a child stepped in front of a car, her dad reacted by shouting 'YOU STUPID COW, WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU ARE DOING!', the poor girl was so upset, i felt like giving her a hug, her dad continued to shout at her as she was crying.

AIBU in thinking this is no way to talk to a 6/7 year old.

I know he was shocked that his dd stepped out but the poor little mite was so upset.

OP posts:
bumpsoon · 16/09/2009 17:05

I hardly think losing it when your child has almost got herself killed is abusive ,more the adrenaline kicking in and causing the parent to react in a totally out of character way .

PoppyTheCat · 16/09/2009 17:22

He lost it for a moment, would have sounded awful but there's no way of knowing if he would have normally shouted abuse at his child.

2shoes · 16/09/2009 17:25

yabu
poor man

MrsVik · 16/09/2009 17:28

Honestly, if the child was so upset by it, it says to me that it's not the way she's spoken to at home normally. If she heard that every day, or got yelled at all the time, she'd probably not react much anymore, iyswim.

I agree though, it's not nice to hear, but in a situation like that one doesn't always think.

pingapengin · 16/09/2009 17:39

YABU

I think he may of just "reacted" rather than stopped.. paused and considered what the other passing mums may think.

FabBakerGirlIsBack · 16/09/2009 17:54

You are right MrsVik.

LisaD1 · 16/09/2009 18:09

I agree with MrsVik.

I also think that we are only going on what you saw for that split second, not what kind of dad he is generally. I am an anti smacking mum (not looking for a debate but it's relevant!) and have always gone for the time out/naughty step routine UNTIL my DD1 stepped in front of a car, it was so close to hitting her, literally another mm or so and it would have done, my immediate reaction was to pull her back from the car, scream at her and smack her legs! She was about 5 years old, she's 9 now and that was the only time she has ever been smacked, it wasn't something I was/am proud of but my heart was pounding out of my chest and my reactions were not as they would have been in normal circumstances, so yes, I think YABU.

katiestar · 16/09/2009 18:33

YABU under these circumstances
He had just seen his daughter nearly get hit by a car .
When you have a near miss like that and the adtrenalin is pumping through you , you act very differently.
It is a big deal and he needed to give her a goos bo**ocking .Better an upset and in some people's view 'verbally abused' child than a dead one.

colabottlefizzy · 16/09/2009 19:57

My ds went through a stage of sitting naked with his legs apart and letting his motorised Thomas the Tank chug in between them while giggling 'thats tickles mummy!'

colabottlefizzy · 16/09/2009 19:59

Ok how can I deleate my previous post as it has been posted in slightly the wrong place!

hambo · 16/09/2009 20:07

YANBU

I don't agree with most of you and I think it is pretty horrible to shout that at a child.

I agree that you might shout if you think your child is going to get run down, but only words you normally use would pop out.

The OP said it was not a near miss, so I reckon it was uncalled for, and possibly a normal thing for the girl.

LovelyTinOfSpam · 16/09/2009 20:07

Oh rofl rofl rofl!

No need to delete unless you really feel the need - i thnk your post has added a nice bit of light relief to this thread!

pingapengin · 16/09/2009 20:09

OMG colabottle i just choked on my dinner, brilliant

colabottlefizzy · 16/09/2009 20:10

lol I am just thinking that it is a tad inappropriate!!

Mamazon · 16/09/2009 20:12

i call DD a silly moo quit a lot. its essentially the same thing

browntrout · 16/09/2009 20:20

colabottle - pls dont delete. I rarely properly laugh at posts but yours is just fab. Context is all eh?

LovelyTinOfSpam · 16/09/2009 20:28

Who else would rather be on colabottle's other thread?

Hands up!

pingapengin · 16/09/2009 20:37

Meeeeeeeeeeeeee

TTTrouble · 16/09/2009 20:37

Colabottle that made me snort. Not the right place but a great break in the tread. LOL

I agree with hambo, we lost DSS in a water park in Cyprus when he was 9, when I found him I shouted alot I was so scared but I didn't call him names because it would never enter my head to do so under normal circumstances.

However whenever I'm angry I find it extremely easy to call DH a twat :D Which shows how easily I do swear, just not at my DC.

BethNoire · 16/09/2009 20:46

FEar, definitely: have been inn that situation and it is horrible.

Frankly, if that is the worst thing she ever experienes from her parents, she will be opK. Not idealistic perhaps, but given the situation liveable with.

Dh and the boys ha a habit of banding stupid and idiot (not togerther, that would be horrid) about....... I solved that by making the washing up a penalty for whoever said it. It had become a habit rather than nasty but I loathed it, and now it has disappeared. fab.

BethNoire · 16/09/2009 20:52

That sounds worse than it should- I meant like 'don't be an idiot'.

Just a hang up of mine.

DS3 almost ran under a car on holiday- ds2 pulled him out (so fast I couldn't get from behind baby buggy)- car swerved or he'd be gone. We were trying toa ovid reinds (he has asd) and have now given up and put strap on buggy but God thatw as the scariest ting i'veexperienced in years- awful

LovelyTinOfSpam · 16/09/2009 20:56

I know exactly what I would shout at DD if she nearly went under a car...

And it aint pretty.

pigletmania · 20/09/2009 20:57

Not right I know, but the dad probably did not mean it, just came out in the heat of the moment as the daughter could have been ran over. I have been called those things by my parents when i have done similar things or put myself in danger and for me personally it has never done me any harm. Parents are not perfect, i do not think its abusive thats going a bit far. If it was all the time and sustained emotional chastisement than yes but onece in the heat of the moment NO! Some of you here have overracted a bit I think.

Jude68 · 20/09/2009 21:21

I think it is wrong and to make a damning and judgemental assessment of someone based on a snapshot view of them.
Get a grip, stop being upset over nothing and maybe find something else to fill your life with.
YABU!!!! Very much so!

pigletmania · 20/09/2009 23:20

Totally YABU, you do not know the family so cant make an assumption of abuse. FGS the child nearly got ran over and the dad did what a lot of parents might to in the heat of the moment, what would you perfer that he did not react or show any concern, yes this is concern even though he said the wrong thing, god some of you are so sanctamonious on here and the epitomy of perfect parenting. I bet that you who criticise this parent has said some choice things to your lo in the heat of the moment or when they are really doing your head in. Get over yourselves and concern yourselves with your own children.