about my neighbours who don't work and interfere in my life all the time. Much needed rant.

[TotallyAndUtterlyPaninied]

I'm pregnant, having a crappy time and have just spent a few days in hospital. I've got PND and docs won't give me my ADs as they don't agree with giving them to pregnant women so I might just be a little crazy at the moment.

Our neighbours are:
A man of about 55
A lady of about 55 (supposedly blind but I have seen her make observations like 'come in, you haven't got any shoes on [sees me standing there]... oh, I mean,errrm... has he got any shoes on?')
A lady of 22
A man of 24
A boy of 2
A girl of 1

They all live in a 3 bedroom house. The young couple tried to befriend us and when she mentioned that she's going to have 'lots more' babies, I asked why they don't get their own house rather than living with her PIL. She said 'oh no, when they eventually die, we get this house, so why move out?'

But that's true of anyone isn't it? I don't live with my mum or DH's mum in the hope that they'll pop their clogs.

Young man says he doesn't work as he 'has a bad back'. Rubbish. He picks up heavy things, and sits in smoking weed all day. He smokes it until 4 in the morning with his baby girl in the same bedroom. He boasts about this. He has his music playing loud while she's supposed to be sleeping. The kids don't go to bed until about 11pm. I have been in the house (when they collared me when I'd just moved in) and it is filthy.

Young woman has decided she wants me to be her 'best friend' despite the fact we have nothing in common. We felt obliged to invite them to our wedding do, so we posted an invitation and it had my number on for RSVP. Now she txts me all day every day asking me to be her maid of honor and things like that, wanting to know what noises things are, like our bed creaks (so sex is out as they are too nosey) and she asks me what that particular noise was and things like that.

She's a trained nursery nurse and yet she doesn't work, even though there are plenty of people in the house to look after the kids while she works, or she could look after the kids while they work.

She boasts that they get over £800 a month in DSS money. Yet they don't have a mortgage (the houses are ex-council but it's only on the edge of an ex-council estate so it's not rough) and young man's parents pay all the bills so that is purely disposable income. We pay a helluva lot per month on our mortgage, where as they got left the house by young man's nana when she died.

Now I could handle most of this if they didn't pry into our live all of the time. I don't see any reason for neighbours to interfere in each other's lives. They look in our windows, call round all the time asking for this that and the other, they txt constantly, if we leave our house they make boring gossipy conversation for up to an hour and everytime we say we have to leave they carry on talking. They gossip about everyone in the street and ask hundreds of personal questions about us. They have to know every knook and cranny of our lives.

They have mice all through their house, they have gotten into their attic and have now got through into ours (though they're not actually in our house IYSWIM). They came round for 2 hours just to tell us that they'd given us mice. Then txtd about it not stop for about 2 weeks. DH set lots of traps and they did, too. The mice were killed. Then they got environmental health, which is £10ish. They said we'd have to too, but because we both work, we are struggling to get a time when environmental health can come round and we'll be in. I have got a slot for a just over a weeks time.

Next door started bombarding me with txts about getting EV out and I explained the situation.

I went out to teach nightschool the other night, and DH was working late. My mum had come round to watch DS. As soon as I drove off, old man came round to give my mum and earfull about how we would have to get environmental health out, if they'd paid to have them out, we would have to too. Even though all the mice are dead.

I'm not bothered about the money, I just can't take time off work to wait in for them to come round! Neither to I have anyone who can come to mine and sit in waiting for them to come round, plus they only work 9-5 mon-fri.

Last night, I came home from hospital, still very poorly. Their music was unbearable and I have a very bad headache that makes me sick. DH went out to the car to get my tablets, and they all came out gossiping about some guy down the street. DH said he would have to come in to give me my tablets as I'd been in hospital and was poorly so they asked ten thousand prying questions about that- then they started going on and on about 'there's no point one side getting EV out if they other side arn't even going to bother. You're going to have to.' DH explained yet again that they are coming out, but we can't just get them out immediately as we HAVE TO WORK. They went on and on until he had enough and just came in.

They then spoke and laughed very loudly all night, kept waking DS up and I couldn't sleep for their noise. Today I feel even worse so looks like I'm going back into hospital again.

So a horrible night all round really.

I just do not want to live near them or want them in my life, and yet I can't afford to move.

All they do with their day is try to look in our house and wait for us to come home so that they can talk to us for ages. Young lady said to me that she knows the noise of our car so when she hears it, she waits on the doorstep for us to pull up.

So tired, emotional and down

this is why we're alway deliberately stand-offish whenever we move someplace new. DH and i even use a few phrases of Scots Gaelic to put folks off.

then we just lay low and keep to ourselves for the first few months at least. just the usual 'all right' if you encounter someone on the stair and that's that.

one reason why i'm glad we rent.

whenever we've been in really bad settings, we just give notice and move.

potoftea's suggestions (at 12:06:32) look to be a pretty good way to go. And console yourself that it could be much worse, e.g. aggressive, fights in the front garden, dealing etc. These are just people who have so little in their lives that you are their sole source of excitement.

Oh I forgot to mention he's dealing!!! That is another one of my big 'hrmmmmphs'. Only weed, but I am sick of people pulling up for ten minutes- it's so obvious and I don't want that around my babba.

I don't have any experience of autism, but they don't seem to look after him partciularly well for an average child let alone an autistic child iyswim. I would expect him to need more care.

if you think he is dealing or the child is neglected you call the NSPCC. That is simple and a basic morality thing.

however, asd kids are very hard to judge; 'safe' witha child with asd might mean not being run over, fed 9albeit a possibly limited diet) and clothed in whatever he might wear. if there are specific concerns it is well wortha ddressing, but a key guideline is never jusge an ASD child by the same rules (if you have to judge any children- YKWIM).

The key issues of sleep, behaviour, dress and food are often things that amterialise in a child with asd; sometimes a child who is never seen to eat anything but crisps chicken nuggets and drink squash whilst always (apperntly) wearing teh same outfit is being very cared for in ASD terms; as are my boys who make immense amounts of noise (I wish it were otherwise), sleep poorly and tend to look a mess. A nicely clothes and regularly bathed mess, but a mess nonetheless.

These bloody councl estates and council tenants eh? You would have thought being a few houses away would spare you from these council house "types". You need to live far from council house dwellers to get good quality neighbours!

Tongue in cheek of course! How can you be so judgemental!?!

It's not the fact they have a council house, it's the fact they don't bother to work like the rest of us have to. Even though they could. They spend their days with nothing to do but nap or nosy into our lives, and spend their nights awake and noisy when we should be sleeping ready for work.

My mum and dad came from council estates but they always had ambition and drive and wanted to give their kids a good life. These just want to boast about how much money they can get without having to lift a finger.

You said it's not a fact but why do you keep bringing it up then?

Please ring social services so maybe their little oneswill get some help.

I'm not sure on the laws around weed- isn't it legal now or you get a slap on the wrist? Is that the same for him dealing it? I can't say he definately is, it's just that these random people pull up for ten minutes. This happens about 3-5 times per day (when we're off).

Their DS is very, very skinny, he refuses to talk but makes funny noises and he holds his ears so that's how they ended up getting him to the doctors and getting him diagnosed. I really don't know much about this kind of thing, so I don't know exactly what he 'has' or how bad it is IYSWIM. He doesn't seem to get any attention and all their attention goes to the little girl, but that might be what he likes? I'm unsure. The basis for my idea that the children arn't very well looked after is that they are always crying and they smoke weed around them. Interesting to here that asd can be a genetic thing. His mum seems to kind of have her wits about her, but his dad and his parents are all very, very strange.

Oh and he boasts about his weed etc. His dealer also comes to the door.

The council house is obviously significant. They wouldn't act this way if they had a mortgage to pay- they'd be out working.

Weed is certainly not legal:

"Is cannabis still illegal?

Yes. Cannabis is still illegal, no matter how much or little you have in your possession. You may recently recall that an Advisory group, who provide advice to the government, recommended that cannabis should remain a class C drug. The government rejected this advice and from January 2009 cannabis is now a class B drug.

As a result the maximum penalty for possession of cannabis as a class B drug has now increased from two to five years imprisonment. A magistrates' court can also impose a fine of up to £2,500 (an increase from £1,000 ).

If the Public Prosecution Service decides to prosecute you for supplying or producing an illicit drug the maximum prison sentence remains at 14 years."

You can get an unlimited fine or up to 5 years in jail just for possession. Not to mention that social services may need to be involved if he's doing it around his children.

If I was you I would very carefully completely separate myself from these people and report them to all the relevant authorities - police, social services e.t.c.

No, weed is a class B again now. Dealing has always carried a high penalty.

How long hav you lived next to them?

Just a few months. If I reported them they'd make our lives even worse.

Aren't they already making your lives pretty bad? If you reported them it's likely the bloke would go to prison as he is committing benefit fraud as well as dealing drugs, you could report them to dwp anonymously about the dealing (which is work even if it is illegal) as they would investigate him and keep you anonymous and would likely involve the police in the end. They would never know it was you. You would have to give statements if you report directly to the police. Technically though you are required to report a crime if you know one is being committed.

Dont you feel guilty though? How do you know he smokes weed near the baby?

well he goes on about smoking it all night, though obviously I've never seen it as I strongly disagree with drug use and he knows it. The baby is in their bedroom and we hear that he's in there with the baby. Also she 'like to listen to his music to fall asleep' which is loud rap. how could anyone want to listen to that.

i would have to report it. they wont know it's you.

If you haven't seen it not sure the police would listen anyway. If it were me I'd report them to the DWP or the benefit fraud people who would carry out an investigation and probably gather evidence of his dealing. Phone to speak to someone and explain the excat situation with the facts that you know and the things that you suspect.

If you reported to the police they wuld find out it was you if it went to court as you'd probably have to testify. I'm fairly sure the benefit fraud people would keep you anonymous but you could always ask them.

Hi - had complete hell from neighbours while going through really frightening pregnancy with horrible complications (placent previa - landed me in hospital for months). Looking back now I have gorgeous son, I let it get on top of me because I was stuck in bed on compulsory bedrest & frustrated - all their noise, their dog barking, their tv etc etc really got me down but although they are a complete pain - some of the problem was me(or at least my situation which made everything seem worse). In your case I'd firstly get a cat (ours is an ace mouser), and secondly grow a thick skin. Always be going somewhere or on phone etc - just smile a lot and say how sorry you are you're in such a rush - don't let them bully you out of enjoying your home. On the noise front, look into some soundproofing so they don't keep you awake - too little sleep is a real drain. Good luck and hope they become less horrible....don't share any personal information with them at all ever. Bet tehy realise they're annoying and think it's funny - don't let them get to you at all - they are'nt your family or friends or anything to do with you - just be distant and polite and don't worry what they think - you'd never win with people like this.

I can't say it's definately happening so that would make me uncomfortable- he could be talking bullshit for all I know, and he shouts about it on his doorstep often enough for everyone to know IYSWIM. He's not bright.

But they're just horrible, interfering people which really, really does bother me.

Wow they sound a complete nightmare.
Sadly people like this are common place and sadly society sticks up for the likes of them.
Not really any advice, just sorry you are having to deal with it all

Deffo change your mobile number, stolen, spontaneously combusted, whatever..

When you are going out, say you are running hideously late for something if they catch when you are leaving...

and when you return if they catch you, as your pg, you're dying for a wee...

Think saying the EV are coming next weds, and then don't turn up is inspired! Shrugs, can't rely on anyone these days....

The prevous owner would only have had to disclose a problem if there was an official dispute, just loathing them wouldn't count...

Hang in there, just manage your time and set some boundaries. It's nothing personal, but I'm not really feeling up to a chat today, might work.

You have a lot on your plate at the moment and you are bound to feel overwhelmed, with very valid reasons.

Try to be your own best friend and protect your space, try not to let them get to you, they don't mean to piss you off, they are not doing any of this on purpose...and yes, I'm sure there could be a heck of a lot WORSE neighbours...

Hugs

Is there anything you could do in the way of a physical boundary between your property and theirs? Put fast growing hedging in, or a fence at the front?
Crap neighbours are really awful and can really affect your life. I really hope you manage to sort something out to make things a little easier for yourselves, but as others have said, sometimes the only way to reclaim your life and peace of mind is to move, even if you do take a financial hit by doing so. It may in the end come down to 'what price peace of mind?'.

Really good advice on here.

All the walls are the same height in the street- would I be allowed to stick one of those high hedges in?

This morning as I pulled up after taking DH to work, she ran out to get the milk clearly on purpose. I turned my back to her so she started shouting to DS who I was getting out of the car. Then she asked if I was ok. I said 'not really' and she said 'still poorly?' I just said 'very'. She clearly thought I was being funny and waited for me to say something but I didn't so she went in and so did I.

Worked a treat though she'll start whinging to other neighbours about me now, but who cares.