to think that frugality is the new way of bragging about how much money you have

[hungrierhippo]

I know this has been done before but I am stealing myself to see some friends at the weekend.

Everytime we see them they make a huge deal of how much money they are saving. Basically this is by earning lots of money and being cheapskates. This made itself apparent when we invited them round for dinner before Christmas (a long held tradition from our 20s) and they bought a bottle of wine they had opened the previous evening and bought DH a £2.50 present with the price still on after we considerably more on their presents and had cooked them dinner. They also stopped buying rounds in pubs as 'we're trying to see if we can live on one salary' (said to a friend who was unemployed). Anyway, I digress, it's not that I'm bitter or anything .

I am currently on maternity leave and before that worked part time (after DS1). They have no children and make 3 times the money we do.

I'm fine with people spending (or not) however they like but increasingly saving money appears to be some new exciting little hobby to people, along with reducing their carbon footprint by not flying to the Maldives even though they could if they wanted to you know.

rant over.

Being wealthy and a cheapskate is really unnattractive

"It's like people who get all ratty about splitting the bill in a restaurant - don't go if you can't afford it and see the enjoyment of other people's company as part of the deal."

hmm - nice. I don't split the bill when I go out for a meal (doesn't happen very often). My friends know before we even plan it that I can't afford to split the bill when they're having the really posh stuff and I'm carefully planning my meal to get the most for my limited money. It certainly doesn't spoilt the evening when I pay £15 for my meal and they pay £30 for theirs.

However in reply to the OP why are you friends with these people???

oh and I'm frugal because I have to be because I'm skint

On splitting the meal - I have to confess I also hate dividing it up to the nearest penny with a calculator working overtime. We deal with it in our social group by being mindful of who we are going out with, ordering accordingly (nobody takes the piss with the most expensive item on the menu) - and choosing the venue on affordability criteria.

Lol - and don't I sound like a pompous twunt!

hmc - I'm not that anal or skint to work it out to the exact penny - usually round it up to 50ps and the "extra" I've put in goes towards the tip really doesn't need a calculator .

I'd hate it if my friends deliberately chose the cheaper stuff just so splitting a bill was fairer.

I think I have such a problem with it because on my 18th birthday I went to a pizzeria with some of my friends. We spent the last 20 minutes of the evening locked in deliberation about apportioning the bill...we couldn't get it to tally, and birthday girl ended up making up the deficit to avoid further hassle!

Agree there can be ways and means of doing it. We do a 'no drinking discount' - so anyone who hasn't had wine etc automatically pays a fiver less

its not hard, if having 3 things. Meal, pud and drink to tot it up in your head is it!

Riven - 5 things (minimum) my dear, if I've got enough spare cash to go out for a meal in the evenings I'll be having the starters, the main course, desert, coffeee after, and of course a drink to go with the meal

I can just about add up 5 things but I bow down in awe to someone who can fit in a starter, meal and a pud.
Wish they did doggy bags for puds.

Human beings can find a way to be competitive about absolutely anything at all! Including frugality!

hungrierhippo - I more than slightly agree with the sentiment you are expressing.

I have often thought similar about the fashion for 'eco' products over the last 10 years which was for some people more to do with showing how well off they were rather than wanting to do something for the planet. I am sure that for somepeople, the thinking was something like the following.

If I buy this expensive 'handmade-eco-recyclabe-fairtrade-linecaught-organic-hemp' handbag for £200 then that will show not only how much I am worth but also offset the guilt I have for driving a 4x4 Porsche Cayenne 500 metres through Chelsea to drop little Harry and Araminta off at private school because I don't want to get my Jimmy Choos wet.

I can be 'eco' as well as free from guilt and I can still do that while showing off my wealth and having it all. Fabulous. Sorry a bit of a female specific example but you all know what I mean.

I agree with riven on the restaurant thing. I don't drink wine - I'm strictly a beer drinker. Wine doubles the bill.

These days I just smile and pay my 'share' but it does grate a bit. When I was young and skint it grated more then a bit, as I couldn't really afford it.

Can't restaurants come up with a socially acceptable, hassle-free method of allowing each person to pay for what they actually had?

I can't think of any other situation where social etiquette requires some people to pay for others.

I don't mind treating people when it's a treat - they'll say thanks and treat me back soon. But to treat them and get no thanks is like... grrrr.

Also abetadad it is undoubtably true that some people buy 'eco' for the credibility they think it gives them.

But I think, great. That shows that buying eco has now crossed the line from sad, hippy lentil muncher to trendy, with it hipster. My parents were hippies and I pretended at school that all my recycled/ second hand/ eco stuff didn't belong to me as it was socially shaming. I used to 'lose' my stuff all the time out of pure embarrassment.

That stuff is now socially cool and aspirational. This is progress imo.

But full marks for mentioning Jimmy Choos, the benchmark of womanly materialism

I have to say that giving you a bottle of wine that's already opened is a bit off really. Surely they could have given you a full unopened bottle??? They are cheap these days with all the supermarket deals that are on now.

YANBU. I have inlaws like this, they have LOADS of money but buy the cheapest of everything. Tight wads!

I would never go to a friends house for dinner with a half opened bottle of wine..... however, neither my DH or I particularly like wine and one week-day night I was popping to a friends house for a catch up with the girls (no meal) and took a opened bottle of red wine.

The previous night we had opened it for a friend who was round and all we would have done with it is pour it down the sink, so it seemed a good idea to take it. I did also take soft drinks for me to have though!

Although, I do remember when I was explaining the reason for brining it I was rather embarrassed and wished I hadn't.

No, not pompous, hmc, just sensible, esp when I saw the "no drinking discount" mentioned! (I enjoy Baileys, Southern Comfort, or sometimes a cider, and some wines (white, mostly) but depends on my mood, and I go months with none of them, without any feeling of 'missing it'.

Saves a small fortune (that I don't actully have at present)... and I feel sorry for those who have a "local" and who seem unable to leave a supermarket without at least 12 cans in a pack...

YANBU one of my friends never has money for various reasons but at christmas im always amazed by the beautiful things she makes every one, thats frugality an open bottle of wine is not.