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AIBU?

I think I am.....or maybe I am not....oh i dunno

184 replies

TheLadyEvenstar · 08/09/2009 22:33

DS1 started secondary yesterday. He wants me to let him come home alone tomorrow.....I am scared shitless (putting it bluntly) he has only ever travelled alone once before!

Mornings are sorted....one of the teachers travels on the same bus and she has said she will watch out for him in the mornings.

I want him to stay my babyyyyyyyyyyy

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cherryblossoms · 08/09/2009 23:05

Poor LES. Yes, it's a v. symbolic 15 minutes on the bus.

But, hey, think of this; many of the parents of twenty+ year olds I know have their children living back with them (cost of renting/buying) - so it is, only, a symbol.

Make sure you are distracted when you do let him head off by himself and buy some chocolate - it's good for the nerves.

pranma · 08/09/2009 23:06

oh dear I hope he has understanding friends.

ReneRusso · 08/09/2009 23:07

Don't worry you've still got years with your little one being little. Seriously I can understand how scary this is though, but it will be fine, and sure he will be secretly very pleased when he can do the whole journey by himself.

cherryblossoms · 08/09/2009 23:07

LES - you are going to have to let go or he is going to be the oddest teenager and decidedly peculiar by 20.

I do know it's hard.

TheLadyEvenstar · 08/09/2009 23:07

Seeker, no i never asked the teacher. I had got talking to her months ago in the street then when i mentioned ds1;s secondary school she said she worked there. When i was at the school today (collected ds1 early) she mentioned having seen me catch wrong bus yesterday (sleep deprived ds2 had been up all night being ill) and that she would happily keep an eye on him getting to school just until he makes friends who travel the same way.

I want him to call or text when he gets to school and when he is on the bus coming home.

he has never gone anywhere without me other than the corner shop

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shabbapinkfrog · 08/09/2009 23:09

My DS4 just started Year 8. Hes a good kid, bright as a button and loves learning...in year 7 at the borstal high school he goes to he was labelled the geek, nerd etc etc and they were the nicer words

He has a 15 minute walk to school. It does involve crossing one very busy road. This morning he said 'I will be fine Mum.' My reply was 'Im walking to the end of our road with you and making sure you cross ok and then I will leave you to the rest of the journey.'

Its so very difficult to let go. He was my 'suprise baby' after having lost two of my older sons..one was knocked down and killed BUT I have to do this - I have to let go and hope he remembers what I have told him about staying safe.

To be honest, I dont think you are being unreasonable in any way, shape or form. The idea of ringing you when he is on the bus is a brilliant one. xx

TheLadyEvenstar · 08/09/2009 23:10

LMAO OK OK I have already told him he can do it alone.....just was asking aibu to be so worried and panicking already especially considering that right now he is asleep lol.

seriously didn't mean i was going to take him to and from school everyday....and he is not a teenager yet pleaseeeeeeeeeeeeeee

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mumblechum · 08/09/2009 23:11

shabba.

TheLadyEvenstar · 08/09/2009 23:12

Shabba i just thought that once he is on the bus away from mates or even with them then he can txt or call to say "Yo mama I am on the bus innitttttt" , not that he speaks like that really lmao but with friends who knows lmao

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TheLadyEvenstar · 08/09/2009 23:13

Shabba, well I will hold your hand and you can hold mine and we will do it together....deal?

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cherryblossoms · 08/09/2009 23:13

shabba - I hope it all goes OK, for both of you.

shabbapinkfrog · 08/09/2009 23:13

Thank you mumble - we are 'many years' down the crappy path of bereavement and think we are finally getting 'there' - wherever the hell 'there' is

Its the weirdest feeling when our precious children reach High school - sooooooo scary. xx

mumblechum · 08/09/2009 23:15

I know what you mean, we lost our eldest almost 10 years ago now. I can understand why you're so careful after what happened.

TheLadyEvenstar · 08/09/2009 23:15

Anyway ds2 is going to be ok when he gets to 11 he is sooooooo different to ds1 was and is. He is already a thug able to stand up for himself.

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TheLadyEvenstar · 08/09/2009 23:17

I know this will sound stupid, but my main reasons for feeling this way are because of something that happened to me when i was 18. I was seriously attacked and I was an adult. so i think this is always in the back of my mind iyswim?

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cherryblossoms · 08/09/2009 23:21

LES - i get you.

I was talking about this the other day.

Ds going off alone brought up just this for me. I've been attacked too (not to the extent of serious injury - but terrifyingly) and it all came back.

I think I'm going to freak about letting dd out. Ever. I'm going to start calling her Rapunzel.

Even so - we must be brave. Courage, my dear.

shabbapinkfrog · 08/09/2009 23:21

That is why you feel like this sweetheart....we will have to do deep breathing together tomorrow morning xxxxx

TheLadyEvenstar · 08/09/2009 23:24

Shabba...its a date!

DS1 has to be at the bus stop at 7.50. I am happy with the teacher keeping an eye on him for a while. I will know he is safe....

Hey they are there to care for them when us Mummies aren't!

God what am I going to be like when ds2 starts school??? Right gonna have to have another baby!!! oh but what if i were to have a DD she would NEVER be allowed out lmao.

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TheLadyEvenstar · 08/09/2009 23:26

Cherry, its hard isn't it? knowing something happened to you and worrying yourself sick that your dc is doing it alone are they ok, did they get there etc. hence the reason he knows he has to call or text to let me know.

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hatesponge · 08/09/2009 23:28

YANBU to be worried about him, but you know you have to let him do it dont you?

DS1 has also just started in Year 7, he has been doing the bus journey most of the summer, as in the holidays he has been getting the same bus to his dads (which is almost next door to his new school....lets not get into why we live 4 miles away, while his dad lives in our old house a stones throw from the school...) so he is now an old hand at it! He only does the journey in the mornings though, after school he walks to his dads, who drops him back here once I get in from work.

Th trouble is once they start doing journeys on their own, they start to up the bar a bit...last week I let him get the train on his own & do a 1.5 hour journey (I put him on at one end with his lunch & some magazines, & his dad met him at the other)

Was I scared? Yes! Did he love it? Also yes - it made him feel very grown up (to the extent he put away his Dr Who mag, apparently for fear of looking childish, and read the newspaper instead )

Pyrocanthus · 08/09/2009 23:31

All understood in the circs, LES, your own experience is going to be hard to put aside. Do your best, as he will be safer and stronger in the long run if he learns to look after himself.

How is he finding school, anyway?

TheLadyEvenstar · 08/09/2009 23:32

Hates Bless him....another Dr Who Fan then....

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cherryblossoms · 08/09/2009 23:32

TLE - I know. And this week's top new story did not help. I really mean that about not knowing what I'm going to do about dd. Everyone tells me just to instill self-worth, self-belief, autonomy and so on, so that she trusts her judgment.

I don't know. I think I'll just try and copy all the other mothers - but probably a little more slowly ... .

Shabba - would you be offended by a virtual hug, for your love and courage?

cherryblossoms · 08/09/2009 23:33

TLE - that was to 23:26 - I'm slow.

shabbapinkfrog · 08/09/2009 23:36

cherry - never, ever offended by a hug - never!! We are all doing OK now - many years have passed though. xx

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