Gosh, I just went off to the park and look what's happened!
Right. Thank you for all the supportive messages (alwayslooking.. who are you? ), and the more critical ones which have given me some food for thought. Lots to think about, and frankly I'm finding it very difficult to think at all at the moment.
Yes, jacking it all in a living on Income Support does sound a bit dramatic and tbh, I don't think it would do my self esteem much good, let alone anything else, to be sitting around indefinitely "on my arse" doing nothing and living off the state.
What I do need though, is some breathing space so that I can work out how to best support me & DD in the future. I have been in Social Work for 15 years and have worked bloody hard, but almost every day now, something happens that appalls me, another application for funding a vital service is turned down, and another pile of new paperwork has been introduced. I hardly spend any time at all actually visiting clients now, and have been told that it is, in fact, to be discouraged and we should be doing what we can over the phone wherever possible . I didn't get into it for that, and I think it's time for a change.
Coupled with this is that DD does appear to have some SEN and it is turning into a battle at school. She is a very awkward child, with zero confidence, and she tells me every day that she doesn't want to be in school, misses me etc. She has spent far too much of her life being looked after other people and she knows it. I know we all have to deal with this from time to time, but I have had enough.
And worst of all, I am so stupendously tired all the time. I have constant ear and throat infections. If DD goes to her dad's at the weekend, I just go to bed and stay there for as long as possible. I simply cannot make myself do anything else.
So, now seems like a good time to take a break and re-evaluate things, and try to work out a strategy for the future. Working part time is clearly the way to go (was feeling rather desperate when I wrote that OP but have clamed down a bit now ), and that would still give me time to mumsnet try to get a business of the ground or learn something new. I certainly don't plan to sit around drinking coffee, watch day time TV or have lunch with the girls all day, because all of that would bore me stupid.
And yes, of course to live "a decent life, in a decent house in a decent area" you have to work hard (and having a joint income helps), but at the moment, I care more about the things listed above than living in a smart house (or whatever - we all have different definitions of a decent life I guess). I honestly don't think I'd be in this mess if I wasn't a single parent (or at least, the pressures would be different). I have worked extremely hard for years and it has been a fucking massive compromise, but I've had enough of compromising for now. Just for now. But I dont rule out a little bit of compromise in the future because I'm pragmatic enough to realise that that's life.