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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think that DH should smoke outside

43 replies

upsylazy · 04/09/2009 21:10

I gave up smoking 5 years ago after god knows how long of a 30 a day habit. DH has managed to stop easily in the past but seems to find it impossible to do it again. I told him last new year that, after Jan 1st, I was going to ban him to the garden if he wanted to smoke. He agreed to this and assured me he was going to give up anyway. He lasted about 3 days and has been back on them ever since. He smoked in the living room the whole time I was pregnant with DS2 who's now 15 months while I was sitting next to him. When I brought up the issue a few days ago, he got really stroppy and went on about the fact that I take too many headache tablets (which I probably do) but I told him it's not the same thing - He doesn't have to put up with passive Solpadeine taking and they don't smell. I'm generally a live and let live kind of person but I'm sick of the whole house stinking of smoke and not being able to watch tv without feeling like I'm sitting in a pub before the smoking ban. I know he'd never dream of smoking around another pregnant woman but it was fine to do it round me for 9 months. It's not a moral high ground issue, I genuinely hate the smell and,although he waits until the kids are in bed, the smell still drifts upstairs and Ds2 has a really hacking cough at the moment. AIBU?

OP posts:

MavisEnderby · 04/09/2009 21:16

YANBU.

(i say this as a naughty occasional fag-ash-lil who always smokes outdoors.Not good for your LOs,or you.)

Tortington · 04/09/2009 21:21

he needs to smopke outside

moondog · 04/09/2009 21:22

Outside (and I speak as occasional fagger).

choosyfloosy · 04/09/2009 21:23

YANBU.

Perhaps you should set light to your Solpadeine in the sitting room.

UndomesticHousewife · 04/09/2009 21:25

YANBU, make him smoke outside.

mummy2isla · 04/09/2009 21:25

No YANBU at all. I hate smoking in the house. FGS tell him that's it he has to go outside. It stinks!

(and I too speak as an occasional fagger who's about to brave the cold Yorkshire garden for one)

tethersend · 04/09/2009 21:26

YANBU. I am the same as him regards giving up, but it has to be outside!!!!

Even as a smoker, I appreciate my house not stinking of fags and think the smoking ban was the best thing ever (mostly because I can take my baby in pubs now ) It has also helped me cut down, and will help me give up (again).

You can never, never subject children to cigarette smoke. Never. Just no.

OUTSIDE

PinkTulips · 04/09/2009 21:27

i'm a smoker and i refuse to let anyone smoke in my house, i don't care who it is or if the kids are there or not they have to get the fuck out (well to the utility room with the door closed and extractor fan on and window open in this weather )

There are no exceptions, even dp's alcoholic dad having a go at me or my own dad rolling his eyes skyward doesn't change this fact, dp is 100% in aggreement.

And it's not just because of the kids, vital as i think it is for their health, it also makes the house so much cleaner and nicer to live in, even once the kids are grown and have left home and chain smoke themselves i won't be allowing smoking in my house

Leeka · 04/09/2009 21:28

Totally inconsiderate, to both you and your child. He needs to smoke outside, or at least not in the house - is there a garden shed he can retreat to?

mamayaya · 04/09/2009 21:28

Smoking in the house is AWFUL it is so so so bad for the kids. I smoke (only 1 / 2 per day then a few more with a glass of wine but NEVER in the house. Tell him it's outside from now on!

Leeka · 04/09/2009 21:29

Totally inconsiderate, to both you and your child. He needs to smoke outside, or at least not in the house - is there a garden shed he can retreat to?

IdontMN2makecopyforlazyjournos · 04/09/2009 21:33

YANBU. Doesn't he care about your child's health? Waiting until they are in bed makes absolutely no difference - all his clothes will be permeated with smoke, so are the soft furnishings, his skin, his hair. I never realised how much I must have stank until I gave up smoking. It repulses me now.

Overmydeadbody · 04/09/2009 21:37

YANBU

He needs to go outside to smoke.

dogofpoints · 04/09/2009 21:42

yanbu

boot him down the back garden

MissSunny · 04/09/2009 22:12

Message withdrawn

piscesmoon · 04/09/2009 22:15

YANBU-I make everyone smoke outside-apart from the dangers to you and children it makes everything smell foul.

sheepgomeep · 04/09/2009 22:30

yanbu

He needs to smoke outside. Not fair to expose the kids to it

whoisasking · 04/09/2009 22:36

YANBU

(are we almost all in agreement here? My favourite kind of AIBU)

I'm a smoker. I smoke OUTSIDE in the garden. Actually I realised earlier on that one packet of cigs has lasted me since Monday. I idly pointed this out to muself as I cleaned the kitchen "Ho-hum, 1 box of fags all week - gotta be a record" and when I went into the garden to call the children in my youngest DS shouted: "Mummy! you've so nearly given up smoking haven't you?"

The fucking SHAME. The utter, utter shame and Shit of smoking. Chuck him into the garden.

(I'm giving up again - is there a support thread for giver-uppers?)

TarkaLiotta · 04/09/2009 22:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

nellynaemates · 05/09/2009 00:43

YANBU, he should definitely smoke outside (my partner is a vehement smoker and would never dream of smoking around me pregnant or round our son) but I'm a bit worried about the fact that you admit you're taking too many headache pills. Over course it's not having a passive physical effect but I think if he is noticing it and you admit it might be a problem it is something you should be looking at.

MermaidSpam · 05/09/2009 00:43

And another - get him out!!!

kentmumtj · 05/09/2009 01:09

my dh has smoked in his shed for the past 11 years ....... if anyone comes to our house who smokes they go and join him

when he comes in he washes his hands and brushes his teeth even changing his top sometimes as he knows it doesnt smelll nce for the rest of us

i think its reasonable for him to smoke outside

fairybubbles · 05/09/2009 07:47

YANBU - passive smoking is v dangerous. has he not seen the advert on tv where the tiny baby inhales clouds of smoke? Disgusting. Make him stop now.

Original poster

upsylazy · 05/09/2009 07:59

Thanks guys, I think I know I'm NBU but wanted to check it out. I'm not the most assertive person and tend to do everything to avoid confrontation but I'm really sick of this now and think he's being completely inconsiderate. He has this mindset that he hates feeling he's being told what to do and I think he thinks I'm just being a complete nag and that he won't be told what to do in his own home. The thing is, I can't force him and I think he'll probably go outside for a few days and then just go back to normal and hope I don't say anything.

OP posts:

diddl · 05/09/2009 08:54

Of course YANBU.
My oldest has one friend whose parents smokes.
He smells awful when he comes home from visiting, and we can smel the smoke on his friend when he visits here.
The friend is embarrassed to have parents who smoke-none of his friends parents do, and his father has a hacking cough!

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