A new baby issue - I may well be BU!

[changeychangey]

I've changed my name!! But am a very longstanding mumsnet user!!

My sister is in labour at the moment. I'm very excited at the prospect of a new niece or nephew - kind of hoping for a niece as I have 5 nephews already!! Its taking a while, but its her first, so understandable - my first labour was 2 days.

She has conceived through IVF on her second attempt, and I am delighted for her and her partner. Its not an issue I ever had as I managed to get all mine through natural conception - I suspect as I was a lot younger then her when it happened.

I'm getting seriously cross with the rest of my family though. Sister (not the pg one), brother and parents going on and on about how this baby is so special and how important it is that she has a good birth and how tragic it will be if anything goes wrong.

I can see how it means a lot - this is likely the only child she will have, and I am delighted for her. BUT - are my children not special? Would it not have been tragic if something had happened to them? Parents saying "I hope she doesn't lose the baby in labour (a cousin had a stillbirth 2 years ago) - that would be so tragic given what they went through to get pregnant. Yes, it would. But wouldn't it have been equally tragic for me, or for my other brother's wife, who is due in 6 weeks and is also hacked off with the attention sis is getting.

I am probably BU, looking for attention when my sister deserves it. I just don't think my kids are any less "special" because dh and I conceived them naturally rather than via IVF.

Oh dear changey.

Did your Mum not even go out to see your children? That would have really upset me.

I've had similiar with my SIL (but not my parents). When visting my new miracle IVF nephew it was cancelled twice, once becase they were tired and once my Dad had a cold and we'd been in contact with my Dad lately.

When we did go (over 200mile round trip there and back in one day) we saw the baby for 2minutes as he was sleeping, no one was allowed to hold the baby, he was put upstairs, we went out to the park and for lunch while they all slept (my brother was not allowed to come out with us as she needed support bf) and when we came back baby was asleep upstairs again, so we all drove home. My kids were quite bewildered by the whole thing 'why did they spend 3 hours in a car and then not see the baby?'

I presume yours asked the same.

Is your sister quite demanding generally and your parents have developde an attitude of fussing around her to keep her happy, whlst you quietly get on with things and so get ignored? I know quite a few siblings with this dynamic.

If so you may need to start making a few demands of your own and creatin a few scenes yourself toget them to sit up and notive you.

But maybe wait a few weeks first!

YANBU to feel this way, although I can kind of understand how it's happened.

IVF can be quite traumatic (having gone through it myself and luckily successful on the 3rd attempt), not only for the couple but other family members who know about it. Your parents have been caught up in it all and are finally getting to see your sister have what's she's so desperately wanted for a long time.

Of course your children are as precious as this new baby and I'm sure your parents think so too. Once the baby arrives and everyone has had time to settle in things will get back to normal, only there will be one more Grandchild in the family.

Try not to feel too guilty about your feelings, they are natural and in a few weeks you won't even remember them!

FGS! I really feel for you.

I too was successful on my 3rd attempt of IVF. When I became a Mum I was just like any other Mum - I just got my babies a different way.

What I am trying to say is that we may go down different paths (natural, IVF, adoption) but our babies are all as special and precious.

I am shocked at your Dads message. Maybe the 'message' has come from your sister?

Hang in there like Satsuma has already said things will settle and get back to normal.