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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel angry at ignorant parents who don,t reply to my texts to arrange playdates

84 replies

worzil · 01/09/2009 14:37

Because at the moment I just don,t understand it and have tried to work it out but can,t.
My ds is an only doesn,t have opportunity to play with any neighbourhood children at all.
So I try and arrange for school mates to come sometimes he is 8.
Well I feel as though all of my efforts have been fruitless during the holidays I have text a fair few people to try and get my ds together with theirs to no avail as they seem to ignore my texts even when I have offered to take their dc out with my dc for the day.
So what is it.
Could it be that they are too busy to reply to a text for gods sake.
Their dc's don,t want to come
They are just downright rude.
They can,t be bothered reciprocating to my ds although I don,t expect it although it would be nice.
Maybe they think I am weird or something.
I to be honest think they are just downright rude and I feel like saying stuff to them but my ds still wants to see their dc's so I feel rotten about it.
Some of these are friends that my ds had from his old infant school and I am thinking that they don,t see the point any longer in maintaining my ds's and their ds's relationship.
However I have had the same with friends at his current school.
I just feel put out and truly rotten my ds has asked for people I have text them, no reply ds will say phone them I don,t like to as I don,t want to look pushy.
Honestly what is the problem I would be delighted if someone text me for ds to come and play or if they offered to take him out and would jump at it but maybe I don,t have the great socail life lined up for ds that they have for theirs I just don,t know.
Perhaps I am just bothering them too much and should leave it be.
Is it just me or what.
Why do they ignore me maybe they are not really chummy enough with ds to play outside school however I figure that by arranging playdates it could encourage more solid friendships.
I feel so down about it tbh my ds has spent alot of time on his own during the holidays.

OP posts:
Original poster
worzil · 01/09/2009 15:10

I do as well Katiestar I feel awkward phoning when they don,t reply to the text.
However I am terribly shy about arranging playdates so prefer the texting obviously it doesn,t always work though.
I don,t see the harm in replying to one though its there whats the problem.

OP posts:
ginormoboobs · 01/09/2009 15:12

Call their house. All of my friends know that I have a habit of misplacing my phone and forgetting to charge it so if they want me then they call my house / send me an email or a message on facebook or bebo.
I was surgically attached to my phone before kids. I often don't see it for a week these days lol

Original poster
worzil · 01/09/2009 15:13

I suppose wishing I suppose not everyones like me. I always give a swift response to a text and would never leave it unanswered.
Still don,t know why they can,t reply really I know that they can be busy but what about once they are settled at night whats the harm in replying.

OP posts:
wishingchair · 01/09/2009 15:17

Well, I wouldn't be able to reply at night for example, and there've been loads of people on this thread saying they never have their phones charged. Lots of people have them just for emergencies and don't even have them switched on.

I would always reply to someone and do agree it is rude to ignore, but I don't get playdate requests via text - thank goodness as would probably be out of date by the time t-mobile manage to get a signal to my phone.

Pikelit · 01/09/2009 15:18

I agree that one should reply to texts but people have explained just why this mightn't have happened and all the reasoning is absolutely sound! If it wasn't that I relied on my phone for work being commissioned I'd cheerfully leave it at home when on holiday. Other people may be more fortunate than me in this respect. So don't take things as a personal rejection and certainly don't encourage your ds to think of himself as some sort of little lonely boy that nobody wants to play with - self-fulfilling prophecies having a horrid habit of coming true.

What out of school activities does your ds take part in though? Does he do Cubs or Woodcraft or any other organised stuff that would naturally lead on to playdates?

Original poster
worzil · 01/09/2009 15:20

Maybe its me then I thought that texting was the in thing now and that everyone makes a point of checking their phone and keeping it by them.
I know that me myself I am hopeless at keeping it charged but I still make a point of seeing if I have texts and checking it for messages when it has been out of sight.

OP posts:
Peabody · 01/09/2009 15:24

I never know where my phone is. I check it about once a week for messages.

I sympathise with your plight but you might want to check what 'ignorant' actually means before ranting on the internet.

Original poster
worzil · 01/09/2009 15:24

Nothing at the moment Pikelit I am in the process of trying to sort out a few things for him but he can be so difficult about doing stuff.
I am going to have to force him though.
Its the only way he is going to get additional friends and I feel he needs his confidence around other people building up.

OP posts:
lolapoppins · 01/09/2009 15:26

I am in the same stuation, I feel like a stalker sometimes. Apart from my DS is homeschooled, so it's a year round thing for me.

Pikelit · 01/09/2009 15:26

Warning! Terrible Gran-like Fogeyism.

Texting might be the "done thing" if one is 12. For the rest of us, we are blessedly moving backwards into an existence which celebrates proper conversations. Not hideously abbreviated electronic grunts.

cat64 · 01/09/2009 15:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

wotzy · 01/09/2009 15:28

Agree that calling is better than texting. When you call you are not only arranging something, you are having personal contact with the parent/carer. It's nice to chat not just to be a child's PA. I often miss mobile calls and texts when I don't bother to charge my mobile up. I don't use it all the time.

Original poster
worzil · 01/09/2009 15:31

peabody I don,t mean to make rude assumptions about others but I do wonder where I have gone wrong, what with the promises of invites for ds which have never come off leaving ds upset.
Cancelled playdate arrangements for ds leaving him in tears.
A promise of rearrangement of the playdate which never happens instead they end up here again and that playdate that was promised weeks ago is never mentioned again.
I have had ds in tears saying that nobody ever invites him.

OP posts:
Original poster
worzil · 01/09/2009 15:37

I have had one person disappear into thin air as we was about to arrange for ds to come to hers.
I treid texting her again to complete the arrangement but cannot get a reply off her.
Maybe I should phone but dh thinks that because I keep texting her she had to reply in some way and its all just false promises and really she can,t be bothered.

OP posts:
wotzy · 01/09/2009 15:39

Lots of parents prefer to make play dates in term time when routine goes back to normal. In the holidays lots of parents who work, reply on grandparents or other friends to help with childcare. It just messes things up.

Morloth · 01/09/2009 15:39

Just call don't text. I hardly ever respond to texts because I can't be arsed but I am quite happy to chat if someone calls.

Conversing via text annoys me.

TheChilliMooseisyourfriend · 01/09/2009 15:40

Worzil, I understand completely where you are coming from, and I see nothing wrong in texting to arrange something.
Maybe now that you know that you won't get a reply to a text (for whatever reason) from some people, try giving them a ring next time instead.

Original poster
worzil · 01/09/2009 15:40

I get the stalker feeling lola.
I can relate to that I suppose if these people showed an interest in us by suddenly texting then I wouldn,t feel that way and I may even phone and risk looking like a nuisance.

OP posts:
lolapoppins · 01/09/2009 15:43

Yeah, I feel that way too Worzil. I usually email the parents of the few friends he has made at home ed groups, but that is mainly as I don't know them well enought to have thier numbers.

But I always feel like a nusance calling people as eveyone else always seems so busy.

Original poster
worzil · 01/09/2009 15:45

I have simply just picked their dc's up from the grandparents for a playdate and I am always willing to have someones dc until its convenient for them to have them back.
I will always work around people to suit them.
I work nights so I suppose its easier for me to be flexible when I have peoples dc's.

OP posts:
Original poster
worzil · 01/09/2009 15:47

Yes lola you sound like me and I don,t have veryones number either.
I am not matey matey with these parents maybe thats the problem I don,t know.

OP posts:
Tinfoil · 01/09/2009 15:48

YANBU. Texting is quite normal these days and it's rude not to reply.

Original poster
worzil · 01/09/2009 15:58

Yes and I know that alot of these parents that I am texting have their phones glued to them I mean I haven,t been able to have a proper conversation with some of them as their phone keeps ringing.
However I do get everyones point that not everybody is like this but eventually they must get the text so whats wrong with a reply of sorry I haven,t been in touch had no credit, phone was dead, even if its days down the line.

OP posts:
katiestar · 01/09/2009 16:06

I am quite releved to have a break fro playdates in the summer holidays.My own 4 DC play (mostly) happily together and it just all seems superfluous.

TheDMshouldbeRivened · 02/09/2009 09:24

dd (5) has never been on a playdate. I don't really know any of the parents
(and dontcha just hate playdate as a word?)
but least I don't have to reciprocate. Not up to 5 yo's!

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