to get really angry when dh points out some housework that needs doing

[roundededges]

Today he asked me to empty the sink (having filled it up with roasting dishes, cooling racks etc, himself)- I don't know why but I just got really angry. Is it unreasonable to ask him not to constantly keep pointing out jobs that need doing, I have eyes and if he'd just get on with the stuff he needs to do I would get on with my stuff. Once, he left light bulbs blown in the toilet for about 7 weeks - we were "going" in the dark until eventually someone else changed them and showed me how to do it - they were quite fiddly or i'd have changed them myself. (I do all the others in the house).
. The other thing I think is if he feels it needs doing so badly, do it himself. I can't describe how angry it makes me. AIBU?

I'd point out that if I kicked him out I'd not only no longer have to listen to him bitch about jobs that he's perfectly capable of doing himself, but also halve the workload.

Then hand him the tea towel and tell him to get on with it.

No he did not cook the dinner and then ask me to wash up. Him cook the dinner HA! He just put the dirty dishes into the sink.

In that case yanbu.
See expat's advice above

I do the cooking and 75% of the clearing up. He points out to me if I am cooking and have left a bag of flour on the side while I am still mixing the cake (or whatever).
23% of the clearing up is done my dd1 as part of her chores.

Jennylee that's exactly how I feel and kat2907 micromanage is a word that fits it perfectly, and mumcentreplus. yes we are having communication issues and have been through a pretty bad patch. . . .

does he do the last 2% then?

This would piss me off no end!

YANBU
IABU though - I get annoyed at DH when he does the housework that needs doing - he doesn't say anything but just does it, but I take it as an implied criticism and sulk

Is he as controlling in other areas?
I think I would find that sort of attitude intolerable.
I was imagining you getting pissed off with some poor bloke who had just made you a roast dinner and asked nicely if you would help clear away.
Small issues become huge, rage-inducing problems when resentment has been allowed to build. And I'm not surprised you feel resentful if your relationship is as strained as it sounds.

"Unlike my mother who regularly runs a finger along the top of the telly for eg and sniff, 'I odn't know how you can LIVE like this'"
So does mine! Maybe not quite so bluntly. She looks after DS once a week and used to go on at me to leave her with a list of 'jobs' which I wouldn't. SHe got very frustrated once and said "Well you've been living here for months and you're just not getting SORTED".
No mum, I haven't sterilised the light bulbs yet, but we're living in a house that's as clean and tidy as we like it thanks

yanbu, what a horrible man

poor you.

don't let him get away with it anymore

I remember my ex asking me if I could come and look at something with him, he took me into the hall and showed me a grimy skirting board and then said "I don't think I need to say anything else do I?" and strolled off.

The telling part of this story is that he is my ex .

Have you told him to get on with it then, if it's bothering him?!

If he'd cooked and said to you "your turn for the dishes, chuck" that would be fine, but you are not the hired help, ffs.

Put your bloody foot down!

pmsl and sunfleurs

lady polar bear, I wish he would just do it, but if he did, he'd make sure I knew that hed "had to do it" himself.
I do point out that I don't like him telling me to do stuff and his response is . . . . "I don't tell you, . . . I ask"
FFS!

Blimey, he would be out on his ear if he said that to me..

well the answer to that is "and I decline"

lol sunfleurs.
That sounds so much like my DH. He has been known to see something that needs doing and leave a note with the task written on it in very large red capital letters. eg "COOKER TOP" I kid thee not.

lol ladypolarbear

Oh he loved telling me how lazy I was LSPB. His Mum and Gran are extremely house proud, I, sadly am not, though I'm pretty on the ball. I remember asking him to help me out as I was haggard with exhaustion breast-feeding newborn dd and looking after todder ds and his response was "you are just lazy sunfleurs, I know busy and hardworking women and YOU are NOT one of them".

Roundededges ime men who behave like this have massive sense of entitlement and it won't just stop with the housework, I can guarantee it.

God I'm so glad my dh is myopic and if I squirt furniture polish in the hallway he thinks the house is immaculate.

Yes, but..why does he feel it's your job? That's the thing. That's the problem. Why is housework your job? The house belongs to both of you and this isn't the 50's!

Did his mother wait on him hand and foot?

he is mistaking you for his incompetent employee.

my x used to do this, talk down to his minions and then come home and do the same to me.

He never lifted a finger but he always SAW the dirt. WORST of both worlds.

Just let it go - people get divorced over this kind of stuff.

If DH wrote a note with COOKER TOP written on it in red I'd pin up a picture of him with TWAT written on it in red

TBH Hecate we have a fairly traditional split of jobs here, I do the housey stuff, he does garden and DIY (and about half of the hoovering). Mainly because the dust and dirty toilets bother me weeks before they bother him. Difference is that (unless I'm taking the p) he knows if he wants something doing now then he does it himself (or asks me nicely). There's a difference between asking someone to do something while you're busy with something else and expecting it to be done to a certain standard all the time - that's a cleaner!