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AIBU?

to get really angry when dh points out some housework that needs doing

70 replies

roundededges · 31/08/2009 14:23

Today he asked me to empty the sink (having filled it up with roasting dishes, cooling racks etc, himself)- I don't know why but I just got really angry. Is it unreasonable to ask him not to constantly keep pointing out jobs that need doing, I have eyes and if he'd just get on with the stuff he needs to do I would get on with my stuff. Once, he left light bulbs blown in the toilet for about 7 weeks - we were "going" in the dark until eventually someone else changed them and showed me how to do it - they were quite fiddly or i'd have changed them myself. (I do all the others in the house).
. The other thing I think is if he feels it needs doing so badly, do it himself. I can't describe how angry it makes me. AIBU?

OP posts:

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LadyStealthPolarBear · 31/08/2009 19:09

Iklboo you have just made me laugh and choke at the same time

HecatesTwopenceworth · 31/08/2009 19:13

iklboo - staple it to his bare chest!

MaggieLeo · 31/08/2009 19:16

maybe people should get divorced from somebody who thinks this kind of stuff is reasonable.

notanumber · 31/08/2009 19:54

Do you work outside the home?

Do you have an arrangement that he brings in the money and you take care of household stuff?

Not that this would mean that he is exempt from sticking a plate in the dishwasher or bathing the kids, but could it be that he sees you not doing things that have been agreed - tacitly or explicitly - as 'your' jobs as you not keeping up your end of the bargin?

dittany · 31/08/2009 20:03

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roundededges · 31/08/2009 20:14

No not really notanumber. The thing is, if he just left stuff where it was, it'd be fine. The fact is he puts a few large items (that he doesn't fancy doing) into the sink, and then asks me to clear the sink, because it's full.

OP posts:

dittany · 31/08/2009 20:16

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beanieb · 31/08/2009 20:18

I agree, he does sound like a complete knob.

roundededges · 31/08/2009 20:22

Hi dittany, we were on that track, then decided to try again. Tbh it's been pretty awful. You know me btw. He came in and saw that I was on mn and is now sulking.

OP posts:

IdontMN2makecopyforlazyjournos · 31/08/2009 20:34

Dh doesn't do any housework, and is damned grateful for it. He would never do this to me and he is one of the most unreconstructed men I know.

I cook and we have a cleaner who does about 80% of everything else (laundry, ironing) and I do the rest. And I work full time. However DH does many many other useful things around the house - such as all dog poo clearing - so I do not feel at all hard done by.

If the washing up bothers your husband so much why doesn't he buy a dishwasher? Simple.

notanumber · 31/08/2009 20:47

Ummmmmmm.....

Sorry, I couldn't tell from your post whether or not you work outside the home, but if you don't, well...

I dunno, it sort of seems to me that if you're not the one in paid employment then the main burden of housework stuff should fall on you.

Naturally if you have pre-school age children this is harder, and childcare should be shared when the working partner gets home.

And only a total arse would sit on his backside watching the telly while his wife slaves away for hours every evening.

As others have said, it's about the approach of course. His tone (and the fucking notes - what's all that about?) sound awful and you're right to be fucked off with him about that.

clam · 31/08/2009 20:52

Impossible to judge whether YABU as not enough background info.

If my DH had been sitting on his jacksie doing sod all all day and pointed out anything that wanted doing around the house, he'd get short shrift. But if he'd been busy doing chores and the sink was on "my" list then he might be within his rights to comment on it. Possibly. If he was feeling reckless.

Minefield, this housework mallarkey.

oneopinionatedmother · 31/08/2009 21:09

i think leaving notes is beyond the pale.

YANBU - it isn't for him to tell you how to do 'your job' if you split it that way (i mean, do you walk into his work and say..this needs doing?')

it would annoy the crap out of me.

roundededges · 31/08/2009 21:42

I think a lot of it is that he feels he has to say what jobs I should do, when I'm perfectly capable of organising myself, and able to see what needs doing. It makes me feel as if I'm back at school or a skivvy, not a wife who is an equal partner.

OP posts:

oneopinionatedmother · 31/08/2009 21:47

i think you need to point out that he'd be livid if someone treated him the same way.

groundhogs · 31/08/2009 22:57

roundedges, what are you doing with my dh? Lol! Most of the time tho the 'd' and the 'h' refer to neither dear nor husband!

I've been left notes, i've been called in and had things pointed out to me. And oh so much more, he's well on route to becoming an ex.. Lol,

we were in egypt for the last 3yrs, and my screenname will tell you all you need to know about how that worked out... Now i'm back in the uk, while he's wrapping things up over there. Phew, it's like being on holiday!

I've recently read the aibu thread about the girl that shook up dh beer... Now THAT'S an idea, and no! We're not clearing that up for them either!

Deep breaths, grit yr teeth and smile... They're quite frankly not worth us getting wrinkles over! When mine gets back, the rules are going to change back to how they were before, and he'll be nice, or i'll gladly swap him for a monthly cheque!

RussianDolls · 01/09/2009 00:09

YANBU

My father used to do it and my mother would tell him where to go.

MrsMerryHenry · 01/09/2009 23:43

roundededges I think you and DH really need to sort out your communication problems. You need to make it clear to him that when he talks to you that way it makes you feel like a slave, and ask whether that's the effect he intends to have. He also needs to explain himself so that you can understand better what's behind his incredibly rude words (unlikely, I know, but he may have positive intentions which he is communicating in a totally incompetent way).

At the moment you're at an impasse, with you bitching about him and him most likely bitching about you. Is that the kind of relationship you're happy to live with? If neither of you bothers to try and understand each other, this problem will grow and grow, and yes - most likely end in divorce.

cat64 · 02/09/2009 00:08

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MissSunny · 02/09/2009 00:28

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