Sorry, this is long and pretty dull, but genuinely don't know if I am being unreasonable nor not so would appreciate your verdict.
Have namechanged as my DH knows who I am on here. Not that I think he checks, but still...
Before our son was born, I used to make the most enormous fuss about birthdays. Other peoples' but also my own. I'd always have a party or drinks, and my husband would make a real effort with gifts (this isn't about money, btw, by "effort" I mean thoughtful)and to take the day off work so we could celebrate.
Obviously since having a baby, our priorities have changed a bit and birthdays no longer hold the significance they once did. I do mark them (For example, for DH's birthday I arranged a sitter and we had a lovely lunch and saw a film - something that's a real treat as we never do this now we have DS) but not in a full-on way.
However, I turned thirty a few days ago.
I should say here that I have been a bit curmudgenly about it. Trying to organise any social event when everyone has babies is nearly impossible, and also I've just had two miscarriages in a row, so have not been very "up for it".
DH asked me a few times if I was having a party and I said no, I couldn't be doing with a big fuss at the moment. He confirmed with me that I wasn't just saying that but was actually expected a big surprise party and I repeated that I wanted something very low-key.
None the less, I did expect DH to make a bit of an effort, because it was my thirtieth. Nothing mindblowing, just a nice meal out or something. I didn't explicitly state this, but I didn't think I needed to.
A couple of months ago he had asked me what I wanted for a present, and I said that I was so sick of the state of our living room and what I really wanted was to finally get some curtains and a rug. He was very enthusiatic about this idea as he finds present buying a bit tricky.
Now the sitting room really gets me down and getting these things genuinely would make me much happier, but part of me did resent the fact that these very basic householdy things were going to be my birthday present, particularly as they've been on our to-do list for about a year. Still, whatever. I assumed that he'd get me a little something that was more personal too.
Two days before my birthday, DH asked if I wanted him to book the day off work. I assumed he'd already done so, and said this. He then got a bit narky and said that I should have asked... We left it at that but were clearly a bit pissed off with each other.
On the actual day, DH did make me a nice breakfast but my presents were five paperbacks and an IOU on my card for the rug and curtain as I'll need to choose them.
The actual day consisted of: lunch at a kiddies restaurant (Giraffe), treking round a gallery that we ended up at as everywhere was heaving due to summer hols and wasn't really anyone's cup of tea and which DH and DS whinged about, pasta and pesto in front of a DVD.
So...not great from my POV. I mean, he could have booked a table for us all to have lunch. He could have booked tickets for the zoo or something a bit more special than usual.
I didn't make a big deal out of it becuause I didn't want there to be bad feeling, but I was really quite upset at his lack of effort.
Tonight as I was feeding DS, I was looking at the sitting room glumly(ok, I was doing it quite ostentatiously as I wanted to prompt him) and he said, "So, what are we going to do about this rug and curtains then?"
FFS! Would it kill him to suggest a date or try even slightly to make it something that is not totally my responsibility to organise? It's supposed to be my birthday present. Not some tedious household chore to be fitted in between unblocking the drains and loading the dishwasher.
I'm really fed up with him, but I know that if I call him on it he'll be all injured and say, "but you said you didn't want a fuss!". I know that's what I said, but there's a difference between not wanting a fuss and someone barely making a token effort to acknowledge that it's my thirtieth birthday!
So, AIBU?