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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to want to throttle an old lady

45 replies

fandango75 · 29/08/2009 13:05

i was having to feed my 8 months old son in a department store cafe today and he eats well but makes a big fuss throughout trying to thwack the spoon and flailing his arms about. Never cries just mucks about basically and we often end up laughing together as various coloured veg is flying through the air.

Anyway all of a sudden this elderly lady comes up behind me and asks me why i am force feeding my son when he clearly doesn;t want his food and that she has been watching em and she thinks i am being cruel. I explained he is always like this - she said she did midwifery (almost 100 years ago nby the looks of her) and she knew best to whcih i politely informed her that as the mother i actually knew best. she then said she shouldn' interfere and wobbled off.

I then burst into tears (i am very tired, my husband has been away working alot, we go on holiday on monday and i have had an infection in my ear for 2 months which non of the antibiotics i have been presecribed have sorted and i am slightly worn out and ill)

I tried to not be upset but coulbn't help it, i had to leave the restaurant with people looking at me and then walk 10 mins home with tears streaming down my face. I feel so upset that someone thinks the way i feed my child is cruel. just looking for someone to cheer me up. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

OP posts:
purepurple · 29/08/2009 13:07

Evil old cow
the old woman, not you
YANBU
Surely midwives deal with mostly newborns?
What would she know?

IneedacleanerIamalazyslattern · 29/08/2009 13:10

YANBU and you were very restrained.
I know that these people probably have good intentions at heart but it never fails to amaze me how many people feel the need to interfere like that.
I generally let it wash over me but did have a run in on a bus once with a man dh was wondering how long I would take it for after the man started a conversation about breastfeeding which incidentally was not what I ended up snapping at him for.

girlsyearapart · 29/08/2009 13:11

yanbu to feel upset.
Old ladies know best about absolutely everything didn't you know?
When I was pg with dd2 I was with dd1 in Sainsburys in the baby aisle when some bloke walked past effing and blinding. Dd1 was at the repetition stage and I asked him to keep his language to himself.
Cue him and his (preg) partner to have a go at me and him being removed by security.
I then burst into tears at the till and had to be escorted to my car in case they were waiting.
So I feel your in public tears moment!

Firawla · 29/08/2009 13:11

Yanbu its none of her business, and would she rather you left him to starve? So what if she did midwifery it does not give her the right to bother mums with her opinion when not asked for

onetiredmummy · 29/08/2009 13:13

Don't think about it any more, you know whats best for your son & an interfering old baggage does not. Put it out of your mind.

Original poster
fandango75 · 29/08/2009 13:15

thanks - deep down i wanted to call her an old maniac and tell her to piss off - not really the done thing eh

OP posts:
elmofan · 29/08/2009 13:16

oh you poor thing , YANBU old lady should have minded her own business am on your behalf . in my experience ( 2 dc's & a nanny ) most babies do this with their food , don't give her another thought & have a fab (sloppy) family holiday

Wonderstuff · 29/08/2009 13:23

((hugs)) What a horrid woman, don't get how midwifery makes her an expert on feeding 8 month olds? Midwifes only look after children till about 6 weeks?

You absoulutly know best and sounds like you are doing a fab job in difficult circumstances. I am always prone to uncontrolled sobbing when I am very tired.

Have a fab holiday, hope you get lots of well earned rest.

juuule · 29/08/2009 13:28

If you were feeding him as you normally do and he was being as receptive as he normally is and you are both normally happy with this situation - why are you letting this woman's comments get to you?

You think the way you are doing it is right. She has a different outlook on it and was possibly trying to be helpful to your child (if not being particularly tactful to you). She gave her view (advice?), you didn't want it, she went away apologetically (said she shouldn't interfere). As you were.

If you see something happening that you think shouldn't be or that you think you could help with and you feel quite strongly about it, do you believe that you should just ignore and not pass comment at least?

She just drew your attention to something that her past experience made her feel she had something to contribute. You didn't want to hear it and thought it worthless anyway so she conceded and went away.

No reason to want to throttle her imo.

Original poster
fandango75 · 29/08/2009 13:33

juuuule - no, unless someone is in danger i dont think people should randomly come up to you, its called interefering and can be unhelpful and unkind. Public criticism is not ok. Her advice was not asked for, she did not know me or my child

OP posts:
Original poster
fandango75 · 29/08/2009 13:35

ps - and the comments got to me because, i am ill, tired and have been on my own for the last month while my husband has been away for work. This happens to people non occassion. I asked to cheered up not patronised

OP posts:
juuule · 29/08/2009 13:41

But she did think that you were being cruel.
You knew that you weren't. But she obviously felt she had to say something.

Have confidence in what you are doing. If you think she was mistaken then just let it go. As you say she doesn't know the whole picture. She just felt that she had to say something given what she was seeing.

You could have reassured her of course, by saying that he was always like that. But you've said you were tired so probably didn't feel inclined to.
I really wouldn't let it bother you.
And I wouldn't wish ill to someone who was concerned about my child and who then left me to it once they'd voiced those concerns. She has no power over you. You are still the one who makes the decisions for your child.

juuule · 29/08/2009 13:42

Patronised

SouthMum · 29/08/2009 13:47

Juule - it is not a strangers place to pass comment on how someone is feeding their baby. Any idiot, including a crazy old bat, would know that if the baby didn't want the food it wouldn't take it. Simples.

OP you are better than me, I'd have told her quite loudly to piss right off and go poison someone elses air with the smell of her mothball-laced opinions....

diddl · 29/08/2009 13:49

TBH, I think Juuule has a point.
OK, the fact that she was a midwife is irrelevant.
But why let it get to you?
TBH, if your son "flails about" and "thwacks the spoon", it might look like force feeding.
But you know it isn´t.
But why does he make such a fuss?

PrincessToadstool · 29/08/2009 13:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
fandango75 · 29/08/2009 13:53

i did explain he was always like this, what she saw wasnt cruel it was me and my boy laughing over his food flying everywhere and him constantly grabbing the spoon. I was mortified by her (incorrect and unfounded) comments.It just upset me - normally it wouldn't have but today it did. The tone of your posts are making it seem like i was perhaps being inappropriate 'by what she saw'. I will repeat (again) my son and i were doing our usual feeding routine with us laughing and him flailing the food about but eating it all. Do you not understand what i am saying? it was a very odd thing for someone to do. If i had been smacking my child fine. I was feeding him lunch

OP posts:
Original poster
fandango75 · 29/08/2009 13:56

no raw nearve touched princesstoadstool- he is an 8 month old baby, feeding times are not a problem, he just tries to gran the spoon everytime (at home, out and about) this is normal baby behaviour - i have never seen a baby sit perfectly still while eating their food and not getting it all over the place. Think some of you are a bit wierd and maybe slightly stupid

OP posts:
SouthMum · 29/08/2009 14:00

Fandango I wouldn't sweat. Most kids fight at feeding time. Thats why there are thousands of webpages and message threads devoted to the subject.

Some people are lucky and don't have this almost daily battle which I suspect is the case of the very few YABUS.

The fact is if your boy didn't want the food he would spit it out or just wouldn't take it.

Original poster
fandango75 · 29/08/2009 14:02

thanks southmum

OP posts:
Fruitbeard · 29/08/2009 14:06

fandango75

Slightly off topic, but you mentioned you had an ear infection that successive antibiotics hadn't cleared up?

Just had to say, I had the same about 7 years ago, it would clear up then the minute the a/bs stopped, it would come back again.

Finally after nearly six months of misery (it was not only painful but gungey too) I got to see the specialist, he took one look and said it was Candida, prescribed me Canestan cream, within 2 days it was gone and has never been back. Antibiotics are possibly the worst thing you can give to a Candida infection, I've since discovered...

So it could be worth mentioning to the GP or, given you can buy it over the counter, a bit of self-medication?

HTH and DD was pretty much the same when she was weaning, so don't worry about 1 person's comments (difficult though it is when they're so nasty)!

cheesesarnie · 29/08/2009 14:08

agree with everything juuule has said.

as for 'I asked to cheered up not patronised' maybe 'am i being unreasonable' is the wrong place.people will tell you what they think not say 'there,there'

PrincessToadstool · 29/08/2009 14:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Fruitbeard · 29/08/2009 14:18

You sound adorable yourself, PrincessToadstool

PrincessToadstool · 29/08/2009 14:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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