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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to want to throttle an old lady

45 replies

fandango75 · 29/08/2009 13:05

i was having to feed my 8 months old son in a department store cafe today and he eats well but makes a big fuss throughout trying to thwack the spoon and flailing his arms about. Never cries just mucks about basically and we often end up laughing together as various coloured veg is flying through the air.

Anyway all of a sudden this elderly lady comes up behind me and asks me why i am force feeding my son when he clearly doesn;t want his food and that she has been watching em and she thinks i am being cruel. I explained he is always like this - she said she did midwifery (almost 100 years ago nby the looks of her) and she knew best to whcih i politely informed her that as the mother i actually knew best. she then said she shouldn' interfere and wobbled off.

I then burst into tears (i am very tired, my husband has been away working alot, we go on holiday on monday and i have had an infection in my ear for 2 months which non of the antibiotics i have been presecribed have sorted and i am slightly worn out and ill)

I tried to not be upset but coulbn't help it, i had to leave the restaurant with people looking at me and then walk 10 mins home with tears streaming down my face. I feel so upset that someone thinks the way i feed my child is cruel. just looking for someone to cheer me up. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

OP posts:

junglist1 · 29/08/2009 14:30

It's not nice when you're dealing with a crying baby to have to put up with people sticking their oars in. Just stress me some more why dont you

edam · 29/08/2009 14:39

You know you weren't force feeding him, so don't let it get to you.

I have seen someone really force feeding a baby of around the same age, and it wasn't pleasant. (Child is much older now and absolutely fine, btw, doesn't have any food issues at all.)

piscesmoon · 29/08/2009 14:49

I think that it got to you because you were tired and ill, I would just forget it-hope you are feeling better and have a lovely holiday.

pigletmania · 29/08/2009 14:57

Silly old biddy, I practically have to force feed(well not entirely) my 2.5 year old daughter as given the choice she would not eat anything. YRNBU, silly old bat.

sweethoney · 29/08/2009 15:25

She probably meant well and in normal circumstances we would just take it with a pinch of salt.
But what lots of well meaning people do not realise is that most moms need encouragement and support and not to feel judged or criticised.
Lack of sleep and demands of little ones pushed us all to the very edge and it is easy to comment and offer 'advice' when you have had lots of sleep!

ProfYaffle · 29/08/2009 15:44

I had similar once. I was in the Dr's with dd1 when she was about 10 weeks old, she had good head/neck control but wasn't yet sitting up unaided. I had her on my lap and was supporting her back so she was sitting up.

An old lady behind me tapped me on the shoulder and told me I should be supporting dd1's head, I told her dd1 was able to hold her head up now (at this point I just assumed she thought dd1 was younger than she was) she then proceeded to tell me she had been a maternity nurser and the way I was going on I was going to break dd1's neck!

At the time I was a bit put out but was able to shrug it off as I reasoned she'd just mis-read the situation plus we had other stuff going on at the time (I was accompanying dh to see the gp re complications after his brain surgery) so it just wasn't important.

She obviously caught you on a bad day, I'm sure at any other time you'd be able to brush it off with a Keep it in perspective and try not to let it niggle you.

IUsedToBePeachy · 29/08/2009 16:07

I've been noting a rise in nasty comments altely- from the old chap who had a massive go at me becuase I didnt see him and speed up (he was behind me- another lady checked to see if I was OK he was so ansty) to the bloke in the coffee shop today who started on a young Mum who gently touched his wiofes chair with ehr buggy as she apssed- his wife was really angry with him and he was pretty damned nasty and controlling to her also.

And pretty much everything in the middle.

As a family of 4 children we do tend to be a magnet for comments both good and bad, so am aware of this sharp change. Mioserable buggers the lot of them.

tellnoone · 29/08/2009 16:36

Give him his own spoon to hold, or 2 spoons, then he might not grab yours. Not that you were asking for advice! Just thought I'd share

Original poster

fandango75 · 29/08/2009 17:35

thanks ladies he doesn;t actually cry just laughs as he aims for the spoon (and sometines swipes it!)He oves his food just thinks its a game. I currently have fruit puree in my hair

i will try giving him a spoon too good advice many thanks.

Fruitbeard what medication can i get over the counter as I am away 3 weeks from Monday and aready went back to gp last week whoc just gave me more antibiotics and steroids.

OP posts:

Original poster

fandango75 · 29/08/2009 17:36

thanks ladies he doesn;t actually cry just laughs as he aims for the spoon (and sometines swipes it!)He oves his food just thinks its a game. I currently have fruit puree in my hair

i will try giving him a spoon too good advice many thanks.

Fruitbeard what medication can i get over the counter as I am away 3 weeks from Monday and aready went back to gp last week whoc just gave me more antibiotics and steroids.

OP posts:

Fruitbeard · 29/08/2009 19:24

It was Canestan but in ear drop form rather than a cream - link - this was what I was prescribed, it worked a treat.

However I did have a small flare-up after DD was born and bought some Canestan cream (they do the drops but my local chemist had to order them in) and put it inside my ear with a cotton bud - it did the trick.

Hope this helps and you get some relief

Oh, and have a lovely holiday!

Original poster

fandango75 · 29/08/2009 19:51

thanks so much fingers crossed it works am going to try it tomorrow!

OP posts:

peanutbutterkid · 29/08/2009 19:55

I'm in the YANBU camp. Would have up upset me hugely, too, OP.

Old lady in OP story could have come up and chatted in a friendly way about the fussiness, "Oh dear, he does make it into a drama, doesn't he? Must be very stressful trying to get something healthy into him." etc. -- comments like that could be supportive, allow her to better assess the situation before judging, and only criticise if truly required.

Yesterday DS did an angry LOUD shout just as an outdoor performance began (for small children, at a country park). I told DS quietly, "If you shout like that we will have to leave". A second later one of the staff leant over and started telling DS off.

It annoys me hugely because I was obviously dealing with DS to try to calm him down. The intervention was NOT helpful. What option did I have except to immediately remove DS since he had caused enough offense for her to speak harshly to him like that? As we hurried away the staff member said something like "Oh I didn't mean..." -- well, what did she mean? Am I supposed to gag my 5yo to make him stay quiet?

Recently I was pushing DC on a swing in a park. A woman started shouting at her child (turned out to be 17months) to walk away from the swing. I could have responded to her "Leave off texting you silly bint and get off your fat arse. Come over here to keep him safe and don't expect a toddler that age to listen to you shouting from 20 feet away".

But I didn't, you know, because parenthood should be a mutually supportive thing, eh? I plucked the boy up, put him in the swing where he was obviously headed, and gave him a few pushes until the mum wandered over. The same afternoon I helped a couple of panicking parents find their missing toddlers quickly (PBK preens a little). It's all about being Helpful, not having a go.

mumbobumbo · 01/09/2009 03:34

YANBU

I hate it when people give me their "helpful" advice. Especially "Why isn't that baby wearing a hat?" etc. My DD will not keep hats / socks / gloves on for love nor money.

seeker · 01/09/2009 05:58

But please don't go on about how old she was. Her age is irrelevant. She might have been an interfering busy body - but the fact that she was old doesn't make that any worse or better.

ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight · 01/09/2009 08:26

YANBU to be annoyed. But YABU to react so badly to what other people are saying. This is AIBU after all.

No, the old lady shouldn't have interfered. We all know that when we disapprove of someone lse's parenting we should just tut passive aggressively keep our views to ourselves but juule et al are just being charitable towards an old biddy who thought (wrongly) that you were being cruel to your son. If your son had been 4 months old and you were shovelling heinz jars down him it might have been different tho!

ilovesprouts · 01/09/2009 08:29

i feel for you ,im going to town this morning and its always full of oldies eg the first free bus of the day iukwim,my ds1 has got a major elite ,and they always tutt and pass comments on ,does my ed in so YANBU

AmazingBouncingFerret · 01/09/2009 08:36

YANBU, yes she was trying to give advice but to be accused of being cruel to your child, when you are clearly not is downright rude and I bet the people on here saying you are being unreasonable would feel the same if it was them. How could you not??

seeker · 01/09/2009 08:56

It must be wonderful to know that you will never get old, and so know it's completely OK to be prejudiced against old people.

Interfering cows are interfering cows whether they are 8, 18, 28 or 80.

ladyhelen2 · 01/09/2009 09:14

Totally understand why you were upset, but at least she conceded and decided not to interfere further.

ilovesprouts i am with you on the bus thing. Me and some of my pals took our 4 years olds into town on the bus for a bit of day trip a few weeks ago. Boy, they were excited and with 5 of them there, they kind of got each other more and more excited. SO whenever they saw another bus, they would shout "a bus, a big green bus" "ANOTHER bus" and so on. Bless em they were just excited about our trip. Granted, they were loud but they were sitting still and sounded happy. AS we got off the bus two ladies (who happened to be elderly) said "what unruly children, disgusting". Actually used the word disgusting. About 4 year olds excited about buses.?? WTF??? Now I did feel like throttling them (the ladies not the children!)

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